Reboot Your Day Job

Months in the making…
Yours for the asking…
My new program – Reboot Your Day Job – is available now.

Here’s a story for you. There once was a bright, enthusiastic developer. Kinda like you. She landed an amazing job. It was a bit scary because she was new at it but she wanted to rise to the challenge, to solve problems, to get paid and to start out on her big, terrific adult life.

Things went pretty A-OK at her job and she was given bigger assignments, more responsibility and … tighter deadlines. She was put on important projects. When the whole team went all-in on a big push, it was thrilling and she felt great to be part of the tribe, to deliver the product, to hit the delivery mark.

Soon, she was always assigned to important projects. Her manager asked her to mentor newer employees. She got a raise, a promotion or two, took out loans, bought some big-ticket items. Emails flooded in: electronic system notifications, overly cheerful company morale-building events, survey requests, project specs, production issues and more. The company added instant messaging and video calls. Daily agile standups for every project, and even though she was supposed to be focusing on her main tasks, the other interruptions never really went away. The quiet focused time she needed eroded. She used to spend six hours a day quietly coding. Now she was lucky if she spent two. Now, she was doing it all in the evenings from her couch while she snacked mindlessly.

Our young, enthusiastic developer was now a respected mid-level programmer (or analyst, or engineer). The big pushes she used to enjoy seemed to have become her way of life. Her manager was sympathetic but was having the same issues. Soon our programmer was starting to see herself as failing at her job. She wasn’t hitting targets she thought she should. She couldn’t control her email, she could only be tolerant with interruptions for so long and then she lashed out. She was missing family outings and not taking all her vacation time. Most alarming of all, sometimes she would cry… right in the middle of a work-day. She stopped going to lunch, eating at her desk, trying to save time, hoping she might not have to work so late. Soon, she stopped drinking water during the day. It was too hard to find time to break away. Meetings were booked back to back and if she didn’t keep working, she’d be up all night.

Finally, her sleep stopped working. Thoughts of work invaded her nighttime hours, waking her up or making it impossible to go back to bed. She started binge-watching shows in the hours after midnight when she found she couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t remember the last time she read a novel or just came home on time five days in a row. She began to show up later to work. The only thing that could save her now was a new job.

Sound familiar?

This person is a combination of several of my clients. Real people, really suffering. Let’s keep looking at this combination client as one, lovely, overwhelmed and very sad developer ( or manager, or entrepreneur.)

One day, when she was weak, when she was ready to try anything, she met me, or another coach, or she saw an ad and in a fit of desperation, signed up for something she barely knew anything about. The promise was that it would be different. Maybe, just maybe this might help. She had nothing to lose. She clicked on a link, dug out her credit card, double-checked the money-back guarantee and, holding her nose, jumped in. She hired a life coach.

She met her coach over a video call which was great because frankly, she didn’t really have time to drive anywhere. Sometimes, she just left the video off and they talked.

Her coach asked her what she wanted out of life. She was so broken, she honestly didn’t have a goal. She just wanted to stop suffering. Her coach gave her videos to watch, a page or two to read, easy homework that she took very seriously. She watched the videos and did the homework. None of it was earth-shattering but by working through real-life examples from her work, the developer started to see how she could make changes that actually got her different results. After a couple of weeks, she started to feel better. She wasn’t sure if it was the coaching or if things had just happened to get a little less hectic at work. One thing was for sure, she was learning how to say no and how to evaluate her own thinking.

After four weeks, when she met with her coach, she didn’t have a huge issue to discuss. Things were… OK. Not bad. She had made progress – like changing the way she managed her time, and crazily, she’d had an entire weekend when she didn’t check her email. She wasn’t sure she needed a coach anymore. Her coach had her start making lists. Daydream lists of what she wanted out of life, how she wanted to live, what she wanted to achieve. A lot of the stuff was really pretty doable now that she had it on paper. The future was starting to look better.

Sounds like bull, doesn’t it?

It’s not. It’s what happened to me when I took the chance and worked with a coach. It’s what happens for the majority of my clients who go through my Reboot Your Day Job program. The ones who are committed, who do the homework and who show up ready to make a change get the exact results I outlined. You could too.

I’ve already given you everything you need to know, right here in my blog. If you start at the beginning, watch the video and work through the examples from my year of blogging, you could get these same results. Or you can work with me for six weeks and feel start feeling better right away.

I’ve added a money-back guarantee. If for any reason you are not satisfied with the program I will refund your payment. And… I’ll do that one better. I’ll give you a discount if you sign up by 1/31/2020.

Click here to get the coupon code.

During a 50 year career, we will spend 30% of our waking hours at work.

My premise is simple: If you’re gonna spend that much time doing something, you should darn well enjoy it.

  • For years, I liked my job, but I struggled with the same issues over and over again:
    • Overwork & overwhelm
    • Judging myself too harshly
    • Saying yes to too many things
    • Waking up at night and fretting about situations or projects
    • Feeling guilty about disconnecting
    • Focusing on the wrong things during the day, working late at night to catch up.

I WAS A MESS; WORK WAS A MESS & I WANTED – TO RUN. AWAY.

  • Then, I started working with a life coach, and she helped me clean up my thinking
    • I got perspective, I got more done, of the right things, at the right time.
    • I started managing my work instead of letting it control me.
    • I learned to treat myself better and to see mistakes in a different light.
    • I practiced saying no in the right way to the right things.
    • I stopped disrespecting myself & I dropped all that guilt like a hot potato
    • I put my thoughts into the proper place and time. I started sleeping better and better

I was so amazed –

I trained as a life coach just to find out how all that happened. 

If the person in the story sounds like you, and you’re ready for a change, please be brave.

If you want to feel better fast, click here to get the coupon code.

And that? Is just good to do.

Getting Out of Your Own Way

OK – it’s time to put the Cheer into Cheerful time management…
If you lack follow-through, I have great news.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
It’s time to learn how to get stuff done, so you can celebrate your success.

Welcome to the final installment in my 3 part series on cheerful time management.

So far we’ve been talking about tactics. How to plan your time so you feel energized at the end of the day. How to use blocks of time to make sure you get what you want out of life.

Back in May, I blogged about an essential truth of time management. Here’s the gist of that blog:

You still have to deliver value and results to the company that pays your salary – on the regular and in good faith, but as long as you think there is something more important or someone more important than your own decisions about what you’re going to do with your next 24 hours? You’re sunk. You’ll waste time, give up time and let work slide into personal time and personal time slide into work time. You have to value yourself before you can set up a time management system that works.

And in March, I discussed how we each have to fight for our time. Here are the basics of that blog:

  1. Spend the majority of your day doing the work that is most expensive or most skilled.
  2. Plan results – not time.
  3. Refuse to work at the expense of yourself.
  4. Stop using work to escape your life. 

The titan in the room is … EXECUTION.

There’s no point in planning your days, ordering your activities or doodling about results if you don’t actually do anything. How do I know this? I’m a daydreamer, a procrastinator and I have a very hard time making myself do stuff. So how do I run two internet businesses and work my day job – and still have time to play with my granddaughter?

You can try to use willpower. If you’re reading a bunch of blogs on time management, I’m guessing that hasn’t worked so well for you. It’s not my go-to either.

You can build habit stacks. Carefully constructing triggers, habits, and rewards, like breadcrumbs leading you to your goal. Great for exercising daily, not so good for getting through a whole day.

Or – you walk your little brain through a 15-minute analysis that will open you up and make tackling your next task something you actually want to do.

I’m going to give you that process, right here. It’s going to look very simple. You are not likely to actually try it. I swear on my day-planner that this process is worth every minute you spend on it.

First, sit down and fill half of a sheet of notebook paper with all the random thoughts you have about your next task (assuming you’re procrastinating doing it.) Let’s say it’s a schedule for a project. You write all the stuff you’re thinking as in my example below. You can see it’s just free-flowing and not all that logical or positive. This is the excellent material my brain hands me when I don’t manage it well.

I’ll never get this done on time. All this stuff can’t be done. I’m just fakin’ it here. We’ll never pull this off. Maybe we can do it. If I don’t put together a schedule, I’ll never have a chance at succeeding. This project was doomed from the start. It’s not my fault. It’s all my fault. Writing this is a waste of time I should be doing email. The project is important and I can write a schedule. I hate doing this.

Great stuff, right? If I stop the process right now, or if I don’t even bother to write my thoughts down, I’ll feel overwhelmed or fearful. Those feelings send me right to my inbox to knock out a few emails and get myself a nice hit of reward hormones. I feel better in the short term but that project will still be there in the back of my mind.

Next, pick one thought.

We’ll never pull this off

Ask yourself what fact, or situation this thought is about. Make that fact completely lacking in drama. In this case, the situation is “My Project Schedule” or better yet “Schedule”.

Now, list out 5 positive thoughts you believe and 5 negative thoughts you believe about your situation or fact. I recommend doing the positives first. Notice how you don’t want to write the negatives after doing the positives.

Positive & Seems True: Our best chance is with a schedule. The schedule doesn’t have to be perfect. I can add stuff to the schedule as we work with it. I’ve done a million schedules and they always help. It’s possible we’ll succeed.

Negative & Seems True: I’m going to fail. I’ve been putting this off. I’m actually just in the same place we often get on a project, needing to understand all the details so we can help ourselves. I’m just a manager trying to do everything. I’m tired of writing down negative thoughts – I want to go write my schedule

I’ve had a lot of practice at this process and you can see in the example that my brain is quickly turning away from the negative and ready to move on. However, for some of you, finding five true and positive thoughts is going to be really hard. Try using – it’s possible, at least or it’s just to pry some positive thoughts out.

Why bother with this?

The reason you’re not taking action isn’t that you’re fundamentally flawed, weak-willed or lazy. Our brains are designed to protect us from harm. Failing at a task that the tribe wants us to do is inherently risky. We could lose our place. We could be out in the snow with the wolves hunting us down. We could die.

Our brains don’t know that we have access to hundreds of tribes on social media. They don’t know that our family isn’t going to toss us out to die if we create a bad project plan. So our brains want us to do what we did yesterday – skip the plan, skip the schedule. After all, we lived, didn’t we?

Getting all this out on paper makes thoughts into objects.

Once you get your thought, find your fact, and list out your positives and negatives, do a quick motivation check. Are you ready to work? If yes, go to it.

If not, then list out how each thought makes you feel and then imagine how you act when you feel that way. Notice the result those actions get you. Do the negatives first this time.

Schedule: I’ve been putting this off. When that thought crosses my mind I literally feel sick to my stomach, which means I feel fear. When I’m afraid, I want to run away, change tasks, cry – basically put it off.

Schedule: I’m going to fail. I feel depressed. When I’m depressed, I eat candy, get a cup of coffee, check my emails. All of those actions actually make me fail.

Schedule: Our best chance is with a schedule. I feel logical when I think it. When I feel logical, I just start listing out project steps. Then I’m closer to being done.

Schedule: I’ve done a million schedules and they always help. I feel hopeful when I think it. When I feel hopeful, I want to finish the schedule. I list out tasks. I finish the schedule

This process makes it very clear what impact your thinking is having on you getting the task done. It also gets your frontal cortex in the game. Once you lay all this out, it’s pretty hard to keep walking around procrastinating. It just doesn’t make any sense. What would happen if you scheduled fifteen minutes to do this process before you started project work you normally put off?

That? Is how I work on stuff without using willpower or habits.

That? Is Good to Know.

If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure

This process takes practice. Helping people through this is what I’ve been trained to do. I’ve helped lots of people change their work habits from unhappy procrastination to revitalized effectiveness. I can help you too.

Build a Time Castle

The second in my series on cheerful time management…
How to turn time into your own private Idaho.

So Thanksgiving is over and you’re heading back to work. Let me ask you, did you plan on doing some take-home work this weekend? Did it get away from you? And are you wondering how you’re going to get it all done? If so, you’re not alone.

At it’s most basic, time blocking is the practice of blocking out chunks of time on your calendar to get your most important work done. In this basic approach, you decide what result you want and then block out time to achieve that. It’s different than saying I’ll work for two hours and see how far I’ll get. It’s more like saying, I’ll work for two hours and have a rough draft of my powerpoint at the end of that time. You block out that time and drive hard for one hundred twenty minutes, determined to deliver that draft to yourself.

If you’ve dragged work from last week into this one, I highly recommend you use this approach in the near term to get yourself some relief.

There’s a more elegant approach to time blocking that actually builds you a life framework you can use to keep the most important things in your life front and center.

Welcome to Time Blocking – 2.0

Last week we talked about energy and how you need to manage that along with time to figure out when you’ll actually do stuff.

This week, do the same exercise but this time, block out general times when you’ll be doing the same type of task on the regular. Your basic Monday through Friday, 9-5, is one giant time block. You always go to work during those hours and it’s the same every week unless you’re on vacation.

Our sleep schedule is another time block. 10 pm to 6 am, on the regular, if you’re lucky, is one big time block. We don’t have to decide every day if we’re going to sleep at noon and work at night because we have a set schedule.

I went from always in debt and hating working with money to debt-free by dedicating Monday evenings to money. It’s Money Monday at my house and I know that bills are paid on Monday, financial questions are answered then and financial planning occurs then too. I don’t take classes or plan to shop on Mondays. It doesn’t even occur to me, because Monday is for money. Tuesdays are for marketing my business and Thursday is grocery night. Friday night is for novel reading. You get it. Mornings are meditation, spiritual thought work, yoga, and dog walking.

I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do in these blocks but I know I’ll be doing that type of activity on that day, at that time.

The beauty of laying out a time map, using time blocks, is that you can see make sure that the things which are most important to you have a specific slot you can count on. I don’t worry about bills on Tuesday because I know they were all paid on Monday or will be paid next Monday. I don’t worry about having time for my dogs because I know I’ll be walking them in the morning.

Here’s how it works: Create a simple grid. 24 hours down the side, 7 days across the top – just like I had you do last week.

Using different colors, map out the things you have to do, and the things you want to make sure you fit in.

My only hint to you is to leave yourself some blank time each day; don’t book yourself for every minute.

I started mine with just sleep, work and money Monday. Once that was solid, I blocked in one more dedicated spot and so on. Compared to scheduling every minute of your day, it’s a much easier way to gently build up your ability to count on yourself to show up and get it done.

There’s an even better reason to do take up time blocking. When you see time as blocks of space in which to fit what matters to you, you’re less likely to wake up ten years from now and find that you missed out on the things that matter to you.

When you draw out your week in a grid, time becomes solid. You can see that it has limits and you can you see what your time overruns cost you. You start to put the right blocks in the right place and from there, you can build the life you want. One block at a time.

And that? Feels darn good.

If you want help building a personal time map, using time blocks, book a free 25-minute session by clicking here.

How to Cheerfully Manage Time

If you and time management haven’t clicked yet, invite it over for breakfast.

“You live a life of the mind.” When my father said that to me, I don’t think he meant I’m a genius in hiding. It might have been more like a way to note that I spend a lot of time daydreaming and talking.

In order to have any shot at being successful (by which I mean, have a roof over my head) I needed a lot of help figuring out how to get things done. Time management, to me, is the art of figuring out how to actually do the things you want to do.

That’s where energy comes in. I first really took a look at the synergy between time and energy when I read Julie Morgenstern’s Time Management from the Inside Out.

Think about yourself. Are you a morning person? Or do you have the most energy at night? Do you prefer tackling a large project obsessively or are you happiest doing small chunks? When is it easiest for you to do things you aren’t drawn to but want to do?

I’m a morning woman. I can do almost anything in the early morning. After dinner? I’m pretty much toast. I get distracted, wander around the house, and forget what I needed to do. I have to tie a string between my wrist and my plan to have any hope of getting things done at the end of the day.

I’m an obsessor. If I can sit down and work on one thing until my fingers fall off and I’ve dehydrated into dust and string, I’m in. It takes a ton of energy for me to switch tasks. Good to know, since my workday is non-stop interruption.

Different activities impact energy also. Doing creative work gets me energized. Crossing off a lot of fast, small tasks that have meaning gets me feeling strong.

Falling behind on my schedule or feeling rushed? Sends me right down the tubes. I’ll be looking for candy and dog videos if I’m not careful.

What about you? Think about the things you do that give you joy, make you feel strong and successful, get you excited. Then think about what drags you down. Now, how can you use this information to help you manage your time?

Speaking as a daydreamer extraordinaire, I can attest to the fact you’ll need to work this out on paper. Working out how to merge time and energy in your mind? Will not get you there.

Start by figuring out what types of things you want to do. Exercise? Work on projects? Clean the house? Clear out emails? Take meetings? Make phone calls? Relax?

Now, figure out how to combine them into time slots so that you can use energy in your favor.

For me, exercise is a first thing in the morning activity. One, because it takes very little energy to get me to exercise in the morning but at the end of the day I need a boatload of will power to do it. The added side benefit is that I’m bouncing with enthusiasm after I’m done, which sends me into the office ready to slay my day.

Responding to emails plays into my preference for obsessing on one activity and my love of little tasks in rapid succession. So I need to create ways to stop myself and pull my head out of my inbox. Not easy. What do you think I should do?

How about putting a task I love, like a creative project, on my calendar after my dedicated email time to help me stop?

Actually, doing email at the end of the day is optimal for me. First, it stops me from getting to things before my team can do them, and since it plays into my natural endurance, I can do it even when my energy is low.

So for me, checking email on my phone before I go to work, to make sure I catch the urgent issues, and then avoiding it like the plague until the afternoon is a recipe for productivity.

You can also consider combining sound, color or motion to add energy. If I listen to rock music before or during a difficult task, it feels easier. Using a standing desk and headphones keeps me upbeat. Color pencils? You bet. All of that makes things like budgeting way more appealing.

To apply this process follow these steps:

  • Draw out a chart – seven days across the top, twenty-four hours down the side.
  • Block out 8 hours a day for sleep. Non-negotiable. Have you seen the research on sleep?
  • Fit the types of tasks you need to do into the chart – it’s sort of a brain teaser – so be prepared to think.
  • As you fit things in ask yourself these questions?
  1. Will I have the energy for this at this time?
  2. What do I need to after this or before it to keep myself on track?
  3. If I don’t normally have the energy but I need to fit it in, what can I do before or during to get myself the energy?

In my program – Reboot Your Day Job – I personally walk you through this process so you can get a happy, healthy grip on getting stuff done. Even if you do prefer to daydream.

And that? Is my pleasure.

Want to Reboot YOUR Day Job? I have a coupon code – available to my newsletter readers. Sign up here and get your coupon for 15% off… from now through the end of the year. SO FUN.

Got Beliefs?

Chances are some of your beliefs are agreeing to disagree.
How’s that workin’ out?

Sometimes the beliefs you hold don’t play well together, and yet…they’re kinda stuck in the same brain with you. Holding two conflicting beliefs is a recipe for confusion and suffering. The good news is getting them to shake hands and be friends is totally doable.

Let me tell you a story. When I was a girl, I thought my parents were easy-going and supportive. For my part, I could go anywhere my legs or bike could carry me and nobody ever checked my homework. Both were hard workers who set a good example. When I was frustrated with my ability to live up to my own expectations, I was encouraged to just do my best.

I was raised with a real sense of self-sufficiency and independence. There was no doubt that if I put my mind to something, I could achieve it. No matter what, I could always do a little bit better. No matter what, growth was possible.

Sounds fine right? I was all set to be a self-confident, competent little person.

Instead, I was hyper self-critical and unable to ask for help. I floundered, lapsing into depression. One day, a counselor handed me a book on depression and I was introduced to the idea of mutually exclusive beliefs.

I searched my mind, listing out all my beliefs and found this happy pair:

I just needed to do my best.

I could always do better.

Good times, right there.

Each one of those beliefs sounds positive, innocent and believable. Together they’re a nasty little circle of sharp teeth and discouragement. A perfect instrument of personal suffering.

Beliefs are just ideas that we’ve heard over and over, thought over and over and agreed with repeatedly. They get internalized and then we don’t take them out and look at them ever again. This saves us a lot of time. We don’t have to constantly reprove that gravity exists.

Here’s the thing, we need to clean out our old beliefs, just like we do our sock drawer. Some of them have no use anymore. They don’t fit, they’re out of style or they just don’t go with our lifestyle. Sometimes, they’re mismatched.

Here are a few really great ones:

  • You have to work hard to get ahead.
  • I don’t have enough time to get my work done.
  • There’s never any budget for training.
  • To excel, you have to be learning all the time.
  • It’s selfish to want more money
  • The company pays for performance.
  • We strive for excellence at work.
  • We strive for rapid response at work.

To figure out your mutually exclusive beliefs, just write them down. Sit down and list as many as you can in ten minutes. That’s a LONG time. Then as the next day or so goes by, add any you missed.

Look at your list – are there any that are in direct conflict with each other? Write them together on a page. You can reconcile the beliefs without disputing them using “but” and “and since” statements – as in this example:

  • It’s selfish to want more money but money is how we pay for things and there is no other way to support my family than to obtain money and since I want my family to do well, wanting more money is part of that. And since nobody can tell me what to do with my money, who’s to say if my having more is selfish or just smart or the way I turn around and add value to the world.
  • The company pays for performance but I think money is selfish, it’s a little hard to excited about that. I want to perform well because I believe in doing excellent work and since the company uses money to let people know when they do a good job, I’m not being selfish, I’m just being me and money is the result.

Or you can dispute the beliefs directly – using “it’s possible” or “What if?”

  • You have to work hard to get ahead. – It’s possible I can get ahead without working longer hours.
  • I don’t have enough time to get my work done. What if I can find a way to get my work done in a new way that will allow me to get ahead?

If you would like to explore your beliefs and how they hold you back, sign up for a free session with me. Click here. Sessions are done using Zoom. You pick a time that works for you and then we both show up at that time and discuss what’s holding you back currently. I provide an outside perspective and tools to help make working through issues quick and effective. At the end, I ask if you if you want to sign up for more. You get to say yes or no. Simple.

Sometimes getting rid of a roadblock created by mutually exclusive beliefs is ridiculously simple once you can see them laid out. Here’s the solution my mom gave me for mine.

Just do your best for now.

You can always do better later if you want to.

And that? Is just good to know.

The One Thing You Need to Know About Talent

Plenty of people are born with great balance.
Nobody is born naturally good at a kickflip.

What is the one thing you are just not good at? If you have any answer at all to that question, chances are you’re holding back a skill by believing it’s a talent. You probably don’t do it often. You’re a science, data or business geek. You learned to drive a car, so you get that skills are built. So did I. Yet, there was that one place in my life where my brain was out to lunch on the whole difference between the two. And that one area – was money.

I’m going to tell you about my money story, but bear in mind, I might as well be talking about building websites, or analyzing data or planning a sales launch. Although I’m going to tell you how awesome I think I am with money now, stay with me because you can be just as incredible – at whatever it is you’re struggling with today. How do I know? Read on.

I was no good with money. Everybody in my family, except my brother, knew this. From the time I understood I shouldn’t put money in my mouth, if I got a quarter, I spent it. My best friend was a saver. Sadly, I was not.

I’ve been up to my neck in hock since the third grade. When I announced my desire to quit playing the cello three weeks after my parents rented the instrument, they informed me I could quit but I’d have to pay off the year-long lease- twelve dollars a month. So at the age of eight, I already owed more money than I’d ever seen. And that’s the way I stayed, all the way into my thirties.

During my teens, I learned from my parents that bill-paying was a task that was nerve-wracking and emotionally charged. When the bills were spread out on the dining room table and money was being discussed, a kid could get her feelings hurt if she interrupted. A kid ought to find something to do outside. A kid oughta know, money was scarce and dangerous.

During my twenties, people my age were told we were the first generation who would be worse off than our parents. Owning a home would be impossible for us. We dealt with insane interest rates – 17% on homes, 25% on cars – balloon mortgages and seven percent unemployment. Money was a struggle.

I continued the bill-paying traditions I was raised with – piling drama, fear, and resentment into the activity, putting it off for weeks and then getting socked with late fees and overdrafts. The verdict was in, the case was closed and the judge had retired. I was bad with money.

Then one day, heading into my home office to slay the dragon of debt, I had a weird thought. At the time the idea hit, I was exactly five feet into the room. The sun was out, I was thinking about how I didn’t want to have meltdowns as I paid bills and the thought floated into my mind – “What if money is a skill?”

That one thought, so obvious, so clear, was like a ray of light from heaven shining down on me. What if I was bad at money because I hadn’t learned about money?

What if I could be good at money?

I had honestly never considered such a thing. I thought being good with money was a talent, a trait, a set-in-stone facet of my personality. The minute it occurred to me that I could be wrong, I was practically giddy with the possibilities.

That changed everything. First off, I decided to never have a bill-paying meltdown again. I simply decided to pay bills once a week, on a weekday so I didn’t ruin my weekend. Bill paying night became sacred. I read every book on money I could get my hands on. I tried to make more, spend less, save money upfront, and pay down debt. I refused to see my raises, making sure that any additional earnings went into our 401K or savings or investments. I refused to take on any new debt and I refused to pay for anything I could do myself. I almost killed myself applying driveway sealer in August by hand. I now pay for that service with pleasure.

Today? I’m damn good with a greenback. I enjoy bill night and most of my thoughts about money are happy.

My problem wasn’t that I was bad at money. My problem was that I didn’t believe I could be good at managing money.

What one thing, if you could change it, would make a huge impact on your life or work?

That one thing is a skill. Relationships are skills. Managing time – skill. Mastering good health? A skill. Learning a new language, mastering a new product, writing great marketing copy? Skill, skill, skill. Relaxing? Skill. Small talk at parties? Skill. Loving yourself? Practice makes perfect, girlfriend – that shit is a skill.

You can change that one thing. Trust me.

And that? Is worth believing.

Oh, and the one thing you need to know about talent? It’s optional, dude.

If you would like help figuring out where you need to skill build so that you can blow open the doors on your life, Book a free 25 minute session – click here. We meet on a video call, camera’s on or off. It would be my pleasure.

How To Think a Better Thought

Positive thinking isn’t the same as effective thinking.

Hey, aren’t you tired of people telling you to think positive? Yeah, me too. I have a pretty good idea that thinkin’ a happy one isn’t going to fix things around here. Don’t tell me it’s all roses and sunshine out there. It’s not. I mean have you seen the news? Frightening dude. Halloween’s over and it’s still scary out there.

If that’s true then why do I recommend thought work coaching to help you get better results? Because positive thinking is not the same as choosing the best thought for your situation and feeling happy doesn’t always get you to take the action you need. Today I’m going to coach myself, right here, right now – so you can see how the thoughts we chose – change the results we get.

Here’s my situation: I have a day job and a side hustle. I think to myself – I’m not having fun at this, it’s too much. When I think that, I feel boxed in.

Emotions drive our actions. That is big news for most of us.

Basically, when I feel boxed in, I tend to look for an escape hatch. Physically, it feels like I have energy coiled at the base of my spine and in my quads. My shoulders hunch a bit, my foot taps and I’m about a nano-second away from bursting out of my chair. Like – to go get a coffee, or see if anyone needs help or get that thing from the printer that I sent there three hours ago.

So the actions I take when I feel boxed in are – look for a distraction, start and stop work, answer an email, check my phone, get coffee, go to the printer – you got it – escape. All that action gets me the terrifically self-defeating result of still not having my work done, still having too much to do and basically, not having any darn fun.

OK so far?

Positive thinking would have me choose something better like: “I love my job and my side hustle and it’s all fun.”

There’s a problem with that thought. When I try it on, by thinking it in my head and checking out how I feel when I think it, I feel – disbelief.

Disbelief feels like resistance and a hard wall in my mind. When I feel disbelief I basically shut down that train of thought, make a nasty face, and return to a thought I believe.

Disbelief basically turns my positive thought into “Maybe I don’t love my job and my side hustle because things are not fun.” The result is no possibility of feeling love or fun in regard to either my job or my side hustle. Good times.

Here’s the deal: Changing how we think requires that we work with a bunch of different thoughts that we believe until we find the one that gets us the best result. Sometimes we have to try on a lot of them.

Here are five things I can think about my situation:

  1. I chose to have a side hustle and I can choose how much to work on it.
  2. Nobody’s making me sit in this chair and type.
  3. The reason I do both is that I’m committed to it and that’s enough.
  4. I’m really good at time management and this is just a new challenge.
  5. This is my time to wake up and this is the practice

All of these are true for me. I believe them all. So far so good. But which one should I use to refute my brain when I catch myself thinking this isn’t so much fun?

  • #1, I chose, I can choose: This one gives me a feeling of anxiety because I worry about not choosing to work enough. That feeling of anxiety leads me to search for a distraction from the uncomfortable feeling and we’ve already seen how that ends. I still have to choose how much to work because all the work is still there.
  • #2: Nobody’s making me – This thought actually might be the winner because when I think it, I feel powerful, like ‘damn straight, I’m the boss of me.’ And when I feel powerful, I type faster, stay focused and get stuff done. The result is I make myself sit in the chair and type. (SO IRONIC)
  • #3: I’m committed: Ugh, this thought makes me feel uncertain, like, is it enough? Am I committed? And when I feel uncertain, here’s how I behave – I start googling stuff and journaling. So not helpful when I want to get work done. The result is I either redefine my commitment or I reject it.
  • #4: This is a new time challenge – When I think that, I feel confident but I want to create a time map and make a plan. Both good ideas but not when I’m in the middle of something – so this could be a winner depending on what my goal is. Today, I want to finish my blog. That means this is not the thought for today.
  • #5: My time, my practice: This thought is my mantra for the year, all about how I’m wanting to be more present. It makes me feel self-respect. When I feel that way, I might elect to get out of my chair, if I’m uncomfortable or need a break or have spent too much time – it helps keep me from overworking. So this might be a winner if I was in the middle of a ten-hour work-a-thon.

If you would like a free 25 minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. Got a problem you’ld like to think differently about? I’m your gal.

What I’ve just shown you is a real example of thought work. I didn’t start with an idea of which thought I wanted. I just wrote down as many thoughts as I could come up with that I actually believed, then I put them through a thought pattern – situation, thought about the situation, feeling created by the thought, actions created by the feeling and result. For more on this pattern, check out my 2-minute video here.

To get great results and feel better, don’t just pick a happy thought, pick an effective thought.

Nobody made me sit here and write this, but now? I’m done.

And that? Is Just Good.

Off Track? Welcome to Life.

It’s not all newly paved highway and light traffic.
If you’re pursuing change, you’ll need four-wheel drive.

So I’m typing this blog up on the exact day it will first appear.  I deliver my blog on Mondays at 6 am – and I’m starting this off at 5:13 am.   Worse yet, my web hosting platform just locked me out.   I still intend to make my deadline.

Did I forget that I needed to get a blog and newsletter out to you guys? No.  I purposely made a decision to show you one of the core concepts of my Reboot Your Day Job process – refusing to overwork.

This past week, I’ve been running promotions on social media to get a copy of my “Work Less Starting Tomorrow”  PDF and companion video – both free.  Ironically, one of my favorite social media sites picked up a story about a German company that is trying to move to a five-hour workday – which blew my mind a little because most of my clients come to me praying for an eight-hour day. So I was thinking about how to show the people that I most want to help – the people stuck in overwork hell – how to get free of it.

OK, so hold those thoughts.   The final leg to the stool is that I’m personally applying my own process to an overworking problem in my life. 

Here’s the story:  I was overworking at my day job.  I didn’t think it was a big deal, because frankly, I worked seventy hours a week for the first fifteen years of my working life.  I went from working three jobs to keep and staying just above the poverty level, to owning a brick and mortar business, which was open seven days a week, to working for a mid-sized company.   Working for a corporation, I started hourly as a file clerk, moved to the help desk and was thrilled to be able to get overtime for the first time in my life.  Working fifty hours a week was a walk in the park.   As I moved up, working seven days a week was no skin off my back.  It was reasonable – to me.  On-call 24/7 system support? No sweat.  In my house, my husband, myself, and our son – all of us had jobs that included unexpected changes to our plans, even if that plan was sleep.

Becoming a workaholic was kinda like hopping into cool water and staying in as the heat rose. I didn’t really notice it.

In 2017 when I embarked on a journey to reclaim my life and figure out what was causing this feeling of not quite rightness.    I was happy – kinda.  But I felt low-grade anxiety most of the time.  I was always worried about something at the office.  I fretted over my mistakes, and I thought about work All – The – Time.   Something was wrong but what?

I quit all activities except for my volunteer gig and my day job.  I went on a diet, and I hired a life coach.

But the biggest thing that changed for me was I stopped overworking. I accidentally stumbled over a process that helped me get better at work, at my life, have less anxiety, and see all the ways my working style had been holding me back.   True dat.  All those extra hours had been really sub-optimal for my performance. 

My blogs from this whole year and my website are a product of me explaining what I’ve learned. 

In short order, my work week had been stuffed back into a nicely sized bag of reasonable.  I still put in more than the 40 hours a week that’s mandated but not much, and I do it because that’s the size work week that suits me. 

But here’s what happened next – I opened a business since I had a bunch of free time.  Then I opened another one and then?  I was back in the boiling pot of overworking again.  The difference?  This time, I’d been out of the hot water for a while, so I noticed it right away.  I didn’t like it.  I wasn’t willing to swim in that stew anymore.   So, I’m applying my stop overworking process now to my new business. This means when my granddaughter showed up on Saturday, and my blog wasn’t done, I played with her.  When Sunday dawned and my new rule – no work on Sunday was in play – I had to decide. Would I cave in and work or would I practice what I preach?   I took Sunday off.

I knew also that I couldn’t just get up extra early on Monday morning to kill myself with overwork at three am to make up for taking Sunday off.  I got up at five am this morning – as always.  Because the key to stopping the overwork habit is to let yourself get into a box like this and figure out how to get out of it.  

It was really uncomfortable on Sunday.   The thought of this blog followed me all day.  Last night, I woke up several times, worrying about it.   I held firm though and for the first time in months, I’m going to work on Monday with a clean house and some homemade soup for lunch – because that’s what I used my day off for.  Phone calls to both my parents were made while I cleaned.  I also bathed my dogs, got their nails filed back to short, cleaned their teeth and ears.    I organized my CD’s.  Yeah, I’m having a good time remembering what it was like to listen to one artist for an hour.  (It’s great.)  I did my laundry.  I dressed my older dog in a pumpkin costume and she and I went to the local hospital and did a couple of hours of therapy work there.  I listened to a divine book on tape. 

I lived my life.

If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure

Then I got up on time and blew out this blog – a real-life, real-time example – of how to get back on the road when life bumps you off it.  

When I tell you that the key to stopping overwork is to stop overworking and then figure out how to deal with the fallout, I’m not kidding.    If you try to catch up first and then stop overworking it – will- not – work.   You will never catch up.

But you absolutely can figure out how to get more done in less time – when you give yourself less time.

And that’s just good to know. 

Happy Monday Folks!  Work hard, work smart, and work less.

Showing Up as Your Authentic Self

If being yourself at work feels like you’re one step closer to a pink slip, read on.

Who’s your best friend? Go ahead, answer that question. I’ll wait. And yes, you can have more than one. Ok, got your answer? Did you say your spouse? A childhood friend? I’ll tell you what you probably didn’t say – you didn’t say – me.

Don’t be a wise guy. I mean you, not me. Hopefully, I’m your life coach – which is a totally different thing. Basically, I’m asking if you are your own best friend. Anyone who said yes? High five, Dude.

If you want to shut down anxiety and start feeling better at work… Dudette, call me. Let’s talk about how coaching can get you mad skillz so you can show up relaxed and confident at work. Click here. We got this.

Here’s the deal. At some point, we all do something at work that is authentically ourselves. We speak out at a meeting. We vote “no confidence” during sprint planning. We buy clown shoes as a gag. We go a little Jerry McGuire, and then? We feel embarrassed. We fret over what we said, we change our vote, we go home at lunch and get our loafers. We shred our manifesto.

This is a deep-rooted survival pattern – the need for acceptance kept us aligned with the tribe. In turn, the tribe kept us safe.

When we do this at work, we train ourselves to be quiet in meetings, vote differently than we believe, stop sharing our love of slapstick and trade in our passion for cynicism. That’s painful for us and bad news for the companies we work for.

Nothing drives innovation like unique interests and points of view colliding with a problem.

Whoa. What’s all this got to do with being your own best friend?

Ready?

To show up as yourself, you need to be comfortable with who you are. Your best friend knows that you wore your shirt inside out to work last week. They like you anyway. You never get that line from Seinfeld right, but your BFF laughs anyway. They know what you mean. Your intentions are clear even when you act like an idiot. They wait for you when you’re late and pay the bill when you forget your purse. You’re not perfect and your BFF doesn’t give a fig. And that? Lets you stop worrying about fitting in and start being you.

To be your own best friend requires courage. You have to accept that you’re human, you’ll fail and you’ll win and you have to like yourself either way. You have to treat yourself with compassion.

If you are your own best friend, when you’re the only one at the planning meeting holding up a confidence level of one, you don’t change your vote. Instead, you explain to the group why you think that. You wear your damn clown shoes until someone laughs and you make their day. More importantly, you continue to speak up in meetings even if you were flat-out foolish in the last one.

I’m not saying don’t learn from mistakes. Dude, that’s just silly. I’m saying don’t let mistakes make you their errand boy. I’m not advocating for being disruptive and throwing manners out the window, either. You, waiting your turn, aiming for brevity and being polite is still you. There’s plenty of room within civility for speaking your truth.

Accepting what is unique about yourself, appreciating your great points and not shutting yourself down is being authentic.

If you punish yourself every time you get outside the tribal norm, you will never want to bring yourself to work.

To stop punishing yourself, act like your own best friend.

Every company on the planet has to innovate faster and more effectively every day. Every person on the planet has a unique voice. Every problem on the planet has a solution.

Show up as yourself and get to work. The world needs us all.

Master the Art of Self Compassion

Does your inner critic treat you like this?
She can.

Here’s the thing, we all want to be happy, have peace, eat well and see the Mets make it to the world series. What? You don’t agree? Because you don’t want peace? Oh, the Mets…well some of you are still with me.

While we want to have these things, we do just about everything in our power to get away from the one thing that will get us closer to happiness and peace. We overeat, binge-watch TV and fiddle away the day on social media to avoid just being with ourselves. Because hey, sometimes we can be our own worst critic.

Hey, I get it. One weekend I decided to change the sheets and clean the bedroom without music, TV, audible or even a dog to talk to. I didn’t have my phone with me. It was just me and the dust bunnies and I’ll tell you, things got ugly REAL quick.

No, I wasn’t sucked under the bed by the monster – he’s where he’s always been -in my head. First I became aware of a running loop of thoughts. My head was full of worried, fretful, self reproachful little thoughts running around in there. No wonder I prefer to clean listening to books on tape. Who wouldn’t? And that’s exactly where we foul it up.

By escaping from the thoughts we have playing on a loop in our brains, we lose the opportunity to bring them out and acknowledge them.

Not that day though. I was very aware of each thought and after about the fifth or sixth one, I got creative. I got a notebook out and laid it on the dresser. Then I waited to spring my trap. The next random thought that my brain offered me, I jotted down. Then I said, OK. That’s one. Next? I turned the page and went back to work. Soon, a new nasty bit of self-criticism popped up. I walked over and wrote it on the new page and turned that page. This went on for quite a bit. It made making the bed take longer, that’s for sure, but eventually, when I asked for the next thought, my brain was beautifully silent.

The first step to loving yourself is stepping back and finding empathy, for yourself.

I still have that notebook sitting right here on my desk. I pulled it out to see what my real thoughts were that day. Here they are:

  • People disapprove.
  • I’m a worried person
  • I’m going to be in trouble
  • I’m being shoved aside
  • My self-absorption is disgusting
  • I’m not a good wife
  • I feel bad for my husband marrying a waste like me

It’s not easy for me to share these on this website. But the truth is, I don’t even remember the situation that set this thinking off. I’m sharing my private and painful thoughts because I know that I’m not the only person who has a brain that does this type of thing. I’m sharing them on the off chance that someone out there will try this technique because writing these thoughts down on paper changed everything for me. Here’s what I learned:

  1. Writing this type of thought down gets it out of your head. The method was very important though. If you just sit down with a diary and write and write, your mind will build out logic and evidence for why these thoughts are true. You can wind up feeling even worse. But not engaging with the thought, just writing it down, turning the page and asking – OK, next? – objectifies it. Each time I wrote a thought and turned the page, my brain left that thought behind.
  2. Eventually, your brain runs out of canned thoughts. I kept writing and turning the page and finally, finally, my mind was quiet, calm, relieved. It was like it had a finite set of blather in there and was too lazy to go get anything new to bug me with. Blessed relief.
  3. Looking at what you are carrying in your mind can be the doorway to true self-compassion. When both my mind and my room was clean, I sat on the bed and turned the pages of the notebook, looking at each sentence dispassionately. None of these thoughts were true. They’re an example of what one of my clients calls snowballing -packing more and more negative around a small starting point. I thought about the woman who was having these thoughts. I felt such compassion for that person. No person should have to carry those thoughts around. It was obvious that the thoughts were overblown, and just as evident that she must have been suffering as she thought them. I had been suffering and it was completely unnecessary.
Turning your critic into your ally changes everything.

That day was literally the first time in my life that I felt compassion for myself. I wasn’t judging myself. I wasn’t full of self-pity. I wasn’t avoiding my thoughts and feelings but I also wasn’t rolling around in them. I could see the thoughts I’d been thinking and I could see that they weren’t true. I could empathize with the woman who’d been carrying them around but I also saw the error in her thinking. Until I was able to step back, I hadn’t seen how needless my suffering was. I gave myself a big imaginary hug and then told myself to move on. There were more rooms to clean.

Acknowledging that we are suffering needlessly and feeling empathy for the person who suffers is the first step in turning your inner critic into your inner BFF. After all, she looks like you, she hangs out with you and you’re stuck with each other. You two ought to be friends.

And that? Is just good to know.

If you would like help with your inner critic so you can stop agonizing over every little mistake, I’ve totally got you. Sign up for a free 25 minute mini-session. We meet using Zoom. We’ll see if coaching is something that might be helpful, and then we can see if you’ld like to coach with me or if I can recommend another coach for you. I’m pretty harmless and I love to talk about this stuff. Click here and get hooked up.

NEXT WEEK: how self-compassion is the key to showing up as yourself at work, and why it matters.