Hey, aren’t you tired of people telling you to think positive? Yeah, me too. I have a pretty good idea that thinkin’ a happy one isn’t going to fix things around here. Don’t tell me it’s all roses and sunshine out there. It’s not. I mean have you seen the news? Frightening dude. Halloween’s over and it’s still scary out there.
If that’s true then why do I recommend thought work coaching to help you get better results? Because positive thinking is not the same as choosing the best thought for your situation and feeling happy doesn’t always get you to take the action you need. Today I’m going to coach myself, right here, right now – so you can see how the thoughts we chose – change the results we get.
Here’s my situation: I have a day job and a side hustle. I think to myself – I’m not having fun at this, it’s too much. When I think that, I feel boxed in.
Emotions drive our actions. That is big news for most of us.
Basically, when I feel boxed in, I tend to look for an escape hatch. Physically, it feels like I have energy coiled at the base of my spine and in my quads. My shoulders hunch a bit, my foot taps and I’m about a nano-second away from bursting out of my chair. Like – to go get a coffee, or see if anyone needs help or get that thing from the printer that I sent there three hours ago.
So the actions I take when I feel boxed in are – look for a distraction, start and stop work, answer an email, check my phone, get coffee, go to the printer – you got it – escape. All that action gets me the terrifically self-defeating result of still not having my work done, still having too much to do and basically, not having any darn fun.
OK so far?
Positive thinking would have me choose something better like: “I love my job and my side hustle and it’s all fun.”
There’s a problem with that thought. When I try it on, by thinking it in my head and checking out how I feel when I think it, I feel – disbelief.
Disbelief feels like resistance and a hard wall in my mind. When I feel disbelief I basically shut down that train of thought, make a nasty face, and return to a thought I believe.
Disbelief basically turns my positive thought into “Maybe I don’t love my job and my side hustle because things are not fun.” The result is no possibility of feeling love or fun in regard to either my job or my side hustle. Good times.
Here’s the deal: Changing how we think requires that we work with a bunch of different thoughts that we believe until we find the one that gets us the best result. Sometimes we have to try on a lot of them.
Here are five things I can think about my situation:
- I chose to have a side hustle and I can choose how much to work on it.
- Nobody’s making me sit in this chair and type.
- The reason I do both is that I’m committed to it and that’s enough.
- I’m really good at time management and this is just a new challenge.
- This is my time to wake up and this is the practice
All of these are true for me. I believe them all. So far so good. But which one should I use to refute my brain when I catch myself thinking this isn’t so much fun?
- #1, I chose, I can choose: This one gives me a feeling of anxiety because I worry about not choosing to work enough. That feeling of anxiety leads me to search for a distraction from the uncomfortable feeling and we’ve already seen how that ends. I still have to choose how much to work because all the work is still there.
- #2: Nobody’s making me – This thought actually might be the winner because when I think it, I feel powerful, like ‘damn straight, I’m the boss of me.’ And when I feel powerful, I type faster, stay focused and get stuff done. The result is I make myself sit in the chair and type. (SO IRONIC)
- #3: I’m committed: Ugh, this thought makes me feel uncertain, like, is it enough? Am I committed? And when I feel uncertain, here’s how I behave – I start googling stuff and journaling. So not helpful when I want to get work done. The result is I either redefine my commitment or I reject it.
- #4: This is a new time challenge – When I think that, I feel confident but I want to create a time map and make a plan. Both good ideas but not when I’m in the middle of something – so this could be a winner depending on what my goal is. Today, I want to finish my blog. That means this is not the thought for today.
- #5: My time, my practice: This thought is my mantra for the year, all about how I’m wanting to be more present. It makes me feel self-respect. When I feel that way, I might elect to get out of my chair, if I’m uncomfortable or need a break or have spent too much time – it helps keep me from overworking. So this might be a winner if I was in the middle of a ten-hour work-a-thon.
If you would like a free 25 minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. Got a problem you’ld like to think differently about? I’m your gal.
What I’ve just shown you is a real example of thought work. I didn’t start with an idea of which thought I wanted. I just wrote down as many thoughts as I could come up with that I actually believed, then I put them through a thought pattern – situation, thought about the situation, feeling created by the thought, actions created by the feeling and result. For more on this pattern, check out my 2-minute video here.
To get great results and feel better, don’t just pick a happy thought, pick an effective thought.
Nobody made me sit here and write this, but now? I’m done.
And that? Is Just Good.