Tag: #WorkStress

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Disconnecting… from Impossible to Done.

Did you say Workload and Culture? Lady, we have got to talk.
The whole blog, including additional comments, read for you.

Me: So, you’re overwhelmed. Tell me about that.

Client: I got up this morning at four am because we have a big project due.   I worked until six am, let the dogs out, and I’ve been working right here at my computer until our session started.

Me: That’s, let’s see, four am to seven pm, that’s fifteen hours? 

Client: (shrugs) I have more to do when we hang up.

Man, when that client spoke those words, my heart broke. I knew exactly how they felt. If you’re struggling with workload, like my client was, the idea of leaving on time probably leaves you with a lot of “yeah, buts…”

  • Yeah, Lady, but I can’t just stop. All this work will crash and burn.
  • Yeah, but, you don’t understand the expectations at ABC XYZ Corp.
  • Yeah, but, I’m in the middle of a major corporate project with huge visibility

I’m using my Saturday to write this blog and let you know… There is hope…

Let’s tackle those objections right now.

Last week, I tackled the 5 steps to unplug in my blog, which include planning ahead and letting your manager in on your intention.

Tackling the inability to disengage is the first step in my Reboot Your Day Job program. Coaching gives you a safe place to work with someone who can help you “try on” new ways of approaching old challenges.

Although the corporate world can and should help us – by providing flexible schedules, transparent conversations about resourcing and prioritization, allowing people the freedom to determine how and when they work, supporting meeting reduction policies, and looking for ways to reduce the email / IM chatter load on knowledge workers…there’s still a lot you can do, right in your own chair, while you wait for that utopian moment.

So – why aren’t we throwing down our mice and logging off?

Workload and Culture.

At first glance, they seem like likely culprits. After all, most of us have some loose definitions of the two that look something like this:

WORKLOAD: The never-ending avalanche of requests, demands, emails, interruptions, projects, emergencies, reactivity, and problems ….. supplemented with training, upskilling, the need to understand new technology and our jobs, and our business partner’s job so we can add value and find big ideas…topped off with a dollop of ERG’s, clubs, and engagement activities so we can support our colleagues, share the joy of STEM, work toward social good, combined with expectations that we will soon be networking and innovating -possibly in a building, after packing a lunch and commuting.

CULTURE: What you see everyone around you doing, what you hear your colleagues saying, what you believe is expected behavior, and what you imagine is required of you to fit in and succeed in your company.

Those are some pretty strong headwinds

I mean, all that AND I have to wear pants? What happens to all that work and all those expectations when we unplug? Not what you think.

I’ve walked clients through this over and over. Here is what doesn’t happen:

  • They don’t get fired.
  • They don’t fail to deliver on the big project.
  • They don’t stagnate and they don’t lose credibility.

Not one. Not one single client.

Why? Here’s what you don’t see when you’re stuck in overwork.

(I’ve included links to prior blogs for a deeper dive… you’re welcome!)

Every manager, everywhere, has said “Find a way to get it done.” No manager, anywhere, meant “Work until you drop.” when they said it. Why? Because of all the negatives that overwork creates… see the list above.

So what does happen when you unplug? Well, I hate to say it… but you wind up dealing with some pretty uncomfortable things… which is why… unplugging isn’t easy.

The two reasons why clients fail to unplug.

The number one reason why people don’t succeed when they try to unplug is fear: fear of what will happen to their projects, fear of what other people will think of them. This fear prevents them from even trying to unplug. I could cry when I think of it. What a shame!

What people don’t seem to be afraid of is the lost opportunity costs of overwork, missing out on creative solutions, missing out on collaborative opportunities, restricting other people’s growth, and reinforcing a culture of endurance and overload. All of which are the direct result of overwork – for you and your company.

The second reason is discomfort – it feels WEIRD to leave on time.  It feels WRONG to not be at work while the sun is out.  It feels UNCOMFORTABLE to ignore those little pings and dings, emails and IM’s.  If there’s one thing we know, it’s that we don’t like difficult emotions. Difficult emotions drive people back to overworking before they can see the benefits and find ways to overcome those feelings.

                Oh, you thought that grief and abject despair were the only difficult emotions? 

Wake up and smell the coffee, my friends.  We humans also don’t like – boredom, being fidgety, mild anxiety, discouragement, confusion, uncertainty, and about a million other emotions that don’t require a divorce or a death in the family.  That includes that little bit of uncertainty you feel when you’ve been away from your email for an hour.   Cal Newport discusses this in his book Digital Minimalism.  I’ve blogged about it here: Learning to Carve.

So, what’s the answer?

The answer is… follow the five steps I gave you last week. Clients never believe that this can work. Heck, I didn’t believe it until I tried it. That’s why I recommend a two-week experiment. That’s enough time to overcome discomfort and see real benefits. That’s enough time to start taking the actions that leaving on time forces you to take – thinking big picture, finding creative solutions, turning to others for help and inspiration – and it’s enough time to expose the problems your overwork has been masking. Two weeks is also short enough that the whole world of work won’t collapse if I’m wrong (which I am not.)

And that? Is just the only way to find out for yourself.

If all of this is just a bridge too far for you, I get it. I really get it. I needed a coach to help me get my overwork under control. I’d like to help you too. Click here to sign up for a free 25-minute session... no hard sell, just empathy in spades and real tools you can use.

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My Amygdala Made Me Do It.

Chronic Stress is like a Radio Station. You might not be able to control what station is on when you start the car... but you don't have to leave it there.
You might not be able to control what station is on when you start the car…
but you don’t have to leave it there.

Last week, I stated that our thoughts cause our feelings, and that’s true. However, there’s a whole category of feelings that arise before we even have a thought.

Disclaimer: There are a lot of areas of the brain engaged in collecting sensory inputs and shuffling them around in there. If you want to know the names of all of them, and how they all fit together, rock on. Just know you won’t find it in this blog.


Data is being smuggled into our brains twenty-four seven.

For our purposes, it’s enough to know that our brain is actively collecting information about the world around us and that information is not being brought in through the main command and control center.

This information cargo includes facial expressions, sounds, smells, tastes, physical feelings – basically everything your senses can detect. All that data is then compared to memories of emotionally charged events and, without your permission, elaborate defense systems are engaged, based on the level of the threat. When this happens, all we know is that we’re suddenly frightened, or angry, or stunned.

It’s like the military staged a coup in our head

It kinda did. No amount of thought work is going to prevent those protective systems from engaging – initially. But here’s the brilliant part –we can get very, very good at interrupting the process.

Here’s the deal. Once that defense system engages, a lot of stuff happens super fast. Our heart rate picks up, our digestive processes stop and our higher thought centers come offline – just for a hot second.

Think about it, when a bus is barreling down on you, standing around wondering – “Is that the airport shuttle? Will it to turn left just before it gets to me?” is a sub-optimal plan.

So the defense center shuts down your internal re-run of Frasier and sends you jumping back to the curb like your ass was on fire. Good deal – if there’s a bus coming.

Sadly, when we’re in a meeting and a micro-expression of fear flashes on the face of the guy next to us, our inner General MacArthur might decide to assume control of the bridge. What comes out of our mouth next, might not what we hoped for. Welcome to the human race.

Normally, when the defense system kicks in, we just go with it. We get upset, we fight back, verbally or physically, or we turn away, either by running or by withdrawing from the social setting. That can mean tuning out the rest of the meeting or obsessing about all the negative things that could come from the situation. This type of engagement keeps the defense system on high, keeps the hormones flowing and can create chronic stress and all its negative health implications.

The name of the game is “Stand Down, ASAP.”

If you would like me to help you calm your inner Viking and get your personal Einstein back in charge, sign up for a free 25-minute session by clicking this link –https://rockyourdayjob.as.me/free. It would be my pleasure, no strings attached.

The first alert system might not be under your control, but all the rest – absolutely is.

Tuning into the physical feeling of your amygdala firing can give you an edge. Get curious about your reactions.

When strong feelings arise spontaneously, like anger or agitation or simply a big fat impulse to run your mouth, stop and take a moment to notice how you feel -emotionally and physically. All this defense is being driven by hormones and we can notice how they feel in our bodies. And if you’re driving a big ol‘ negative feedback loop by ruminating on a problem? Brilliant – because you have plenty of chances to catch on to the sensation.

The next step is to train yourself to pause when you feel this, verbally identify the event and then wait for the hormones to dissipate. I’m such a nerd about this, that I actually say “I’m having an amygdala hijacking, just give me a moment.” And yes, that gets me some odd looks.

If you react by engaging with the emotions – yelling, running, arguing, asserting a brilliant defense of your rights – the hormone pump will keep running. If you wait patiently, the defense system will stand down, your amygdala hijacking will end and you can continue making logical decisions about how you want to respond to the world around you.

And that?
Can have a huge impact on your health and your relationships.

Next Week: Why your boss should be buying you a mattress.