What the Heck Are You Thinking?

This guy’s not thinking that he can’t catch up at work.
What are you thinking?

Here’s the deal. What you think determines how you feel. Slam. Dunk.

So if you’re walking around thinking that your situation is making you happy or sad or one of the four other feelings you know how to describe, read on. Because when you understand this, worlds open up.

Take one look at the guy in the picture. You might not know exactly what his circumstances are, but you probably have some pretty good ideas about what he’s thinking. Maybe something like ‘Yes!’ or ‘I found it!’ came to mind? You have no idea what elicited the expression on this dude’s face but you know what the feeling is and you know the thoughts are about something that went his way.

The reason you can guess the thoughts but not the situation is easy. Thoughts drive feelings, not circumstances.

Here’s another, less happy example. If there are four people present when someone near to them passes away, if the event caused the feelings, all four would feel the same thing. But it doesn’t take too much thought to imagine a range of possible feelings. One of them might be devastated. One might be mildly sad, sympathetic to the feelings of the others. Still another, might be angry and, it’s possible, one of them might be relieved, especially if the person had suffered.

If Facts Drove Feelings, We’d All Feel the Same Way at the Same Time.

But that’s not what happens. We have thoughts, sentences that our brains offer up and those thoughts? Create feelings.

So. What.

I’ll give you so what. So your feelings are being created by your thoughts and, your thoughts… are within your control.

Feel Me Yet?

Let me say it again. What you think is what creates the emotions you have and if you’ve been paying attention, you might now be thinking something a little wild. You might be thinking that our brains offer up easy options for us to think. And those thoughts are often cheap shots offered by our mid-brain because they’re easy for the brain to find and toss out to us. That means, a lot of what we’re feeling is in response to some pretty shaking thinking. Hold the horror show Bat Man. You mean I’m feeling worried for nothing? Maybe so, Dude.

If you’d like to have me walk you through an example from your own life, book a free 25 minu session here: Book A Free Session I would be thrilled to take you through it and I won’t be a bit offended even if you decide never to coach with me again. No problemo.

Let’s write this in code.

If: Thoughts create Feelings

And : People control their Thoughts

Then: People can control their feelings.

WHAA?

Try it. The next time you feel a powerful emotion, figure out what you’re thinking. Write it down. Later, try thinking that same thought and see if it brings up the same emotion. Or better yet, try this. The next time you feel a powerful emotion, try to amplify it. It’s a pretty empowering experience. Because you’ll be quick to figure out, that if you can make a feeling stronger, you can also make it weaker. Suddenly, you’re in the driver’s seat. You get to pick what you want to think. You get to dial emotion up or down. You get to decide how you want to feel.

One word of caution. None of this works with pretend thoughts, meaning thoughts you don’t really believe. Telling yourself you’ll win the lottery tomorrow when you don’t have a ticket, isn’t going to bring you any joy. But telling yourself that you can manage your work load (and really, isn’t that what you’re already doing? For real?) can bring you real relief, real fast.

Next Week: My amygdala made me do it. The exception that proves the rule.

How To Be More Confident at Work

Bringing your mojo to work with you isn’t as risky as you think….

Here’s the thing.  If you want someone else to tell you each and every detail of a process so that you’re sure you’ll succeed – your results will always be limited.

Get it? No?

Their System, Their Results.

If I join a weight loss plan, and eat exactly what they tell me to eat, use their process, be it a calculation that only they understand or a package that they’ve determined is a meal, then I will be limited to the results that someone else’s plan or package can deliver AND I’ll be limited to using their system as long as I want to maintain my weight.

If I take a position at a company, study my job description, and I use that as the metric for what I’m going to do on a daily basis, then I am forever tied to that position.  I will not be demonstrating that I’m ready for another position AND forever after I’ll be tied to that static definition of success.

So What?

Well, for starters, I’ve hemmed myself in.  In an effort to avoid disappointment, I’ve reduced my possible outcomes.  Because I’m only going to follow one path, because I’m going to measure my food against an unchanging plan, because I’m going to measure my job performance against a static scale, the scale of my possible achievements has just shrunk. 

Let’s look at the opposite.

If I create my own weight loss plan, I might be less successful in the first months of trying. However, I’ll be learning.  I’ll be trying things that I thought of and measuring the results.   It’s possible that I’ll find a formula that creates weight loss.  In fact, as long as I never stop taking action – planning what I’m going to eat and eating exactly that – measuring results and then adjusting – I will drop weight.   I will also build internal confidence in the weight loss process because it arose from inside myself.  I’ll know more about what causes me to drop weight than I ever would on someone else’s plan.  At the end, when I’m at goal, I’m not tied to anyone’s boxed meal or secret formula.  I’ll have self-confidence around weight loss. I’m also more likely to lose faster than my friend on a plan, because I won’t be limited to someone else’s schedule or process.    I’m also more likely to lose slower for the same reason.  The number of possible outcomes has expanded in every way.  

The same goes for my job. 

If I believe that it’s up to me to define what my responsibilities are, I’ve just blown open the doors on possible outcomes in my career as compared to a person who is measuring themselves against a single yardstick or job description.  

The process is the same.   I define a set of actions that I imagine will create the job results that I want.  I take those actions consistently, then I measure where I’m at.  I tweak my proscribed actions and repeat the process.  

For instance, I might decide that I love the feeling of completing a task and I want my job to include completing tasks quickly and often.  So I set up a course of action.  Every Monday, I’ll consider what results I need to achieve by the end of the week – say one report created, two reviews done, five hundred lines of code or one project promoted – whatever it is, then I break that down into tasks about a half hour in length each.   I double check the tasks against my calendar,  modulate the quantity so that it’s achievable and start checking off the boxes for each task.  At the end of the week I measure my output, my job satisfaction, etc.   Did I love the feeling of completing tasks?  Did I get the result I wanted from this?   If not, I evaluate why, adjust and try again.   In time, I should be plowing through tasks and creating results efficiently.   If I’m the kind of person that loves that type of work process, my job satisfaction should go up. 

If I work in an industry that appreciates that type of work process, then I should see my performance scores or salary go up.  

If my industry doesn’t value high task completion, then I may see my performance scores go down or my salary stagnate.  Then I can decide what action to take next. 

Either way, the possible outcomes for me at work have expanded in every way.  I am now in control of the results I get at work, I have confidence in my ability to define my job and achieve the results I want, all of which should translate into less uncertainty about my ability to continue to keep myself employed over the long run.

My friend who wanders into her boss’s office each week for a list of tasks to do is working in a way that our society tells us is less risky.  That’s not true.  She has reduced the risk of making a mistake, but she’s increased the risk of missed opportunity.  She has less of a chance of building confidence, creating a  super-enjoyable job and less chance of exemplary achievement. 

There’s an argument to be made that she’s traded her potential for stability.   That argument is shaky given that we don’t know how well her boss assigns work and how long the job she is currently doing will remain viable.   Should she lose that job, she will most likely only feel confident in seeking the same job elsewhere.  And in knowledge work… the jobs we were doing yesterday are often obsolete today.

So What is the Take Away

When you Define Your Process, You Own the Results

And that my friends, is pretty powerful MoJo.

Next Week:

Three Secrets About Work

Guaranteed to Change The Way You Think About Your Job