Tag: #RockYourDayJob

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Taking a Close Look at Negative Results

Your Brain isn’t out to get you new results…it’s busy in the kitchen looking for snacks.

Look, You Aren’t Stupid.

You know you have to change your actions in order to get different results, but why, oh why, is it so hard to do?

I know! Especially when you’re trying to change the actions you take in situations that repeat. Those are the worst. I sit at my desk and boom! An hour’s gone by. I’ve answered a ton of emails but I still don’t have my project done. Bummer huh?

Changing our actions, especially context driven actions, is really hard.

Most of us just vow to take new actions.

How’s that been working for you?

Me neither.

But, if we take a moment to reflect on the results we’re getting and the thinking that is leading us there, we can start to tie results to thoughts. We can start to change our thoughts, which will create new feelings and new results.

Here’s one of mine.

I used to think “I don’t even have a minute between meetings for a bio-break.” And that seemed to be true. I felt rushed and mistreated when I thought that. And I would go from meeting to meeting, uncomfortable and, let’s admit it… a bit of victim about the whole thing.

OK… now that you’ve stopped laughing at me… let’s move on.

It’s funny, right? Because it’s clearly ridiculous. But that’s not the way it felt to me at the time. I felt bad. I was considering just not drinking any water all day. I couldn’t see another way out because I really believed that I didn’t have a single minute to spare. Worse yet, my results were proving that my thoughts were correct.

Hold the Circus Wagon, Spunky.

Then I said those words in a coaching session. Because my coach cares about my well being but doesn’t particularly believe everything I say and she isn’t being paid to sympathize with me, she asked me “Is that true?”

Um. Yeah?

Seems obvious, but to get to the point where she could ask me that, we had to know what I was thinking. And that is what a coach is for. If you would like to have a coach show you what you’re thinking … you can sign up for a free 25-minute session with me here. Click here. My goal here is to help other people the way my coach helped me. True dat.

She didn’t buy it. “What would you tell a team member with that problem?”

Huh. “I would never condone that kind of self punishment. I’d tell them, you take a break when you need a break. Everybody else is.”

Whoa. Wait a minute. So everybody else has time for a break. So, I must have time for a break?

I started to look at my thinking, feelings, actions and results from a more objective perspective. And, I started to believe that the results I was getting were unacceptable.

That was the turning point for me. I would never condone any human being enduring the results I was getting, so … I’m a human … and … therefore… I don’t condone those results for me.

Suddenly I had tied my outcome to a value (people shouldn’t be treated like that.) Then I changed my thinking.

So my thought became – Hey, my biological needs come first. That includes sleep, hydration, fresh air, sunlight, movement, and food. (You need those things, Dudettes – just in case you’re not sure.) When I think like that- I feel empowered and committed – to my own well being. And so I take action. I take care of myself.

Here’s the magic… when I started doing that, always taking care of myself – I did wind up being late. I started suffering the consequences of fitting in my basic needs.

I had new, much better problems. I was hydrated, well rested and felt comfortable – but I was a few minutes late to meetings.

So then my new thought was… how can I take care of myself and be on time? Do you see the beauty of that?

If I’m late and I don’t like the way that feels, I start to make it more important to end meetings early. But I don’t apologize for taking care of myself. And I don’t go back to believing I don’t have time for a pit-stop.

And that? Changes everything.

Next week – What is it like to work with a life coach?

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Your Boss Should Buy You a Mattress

But if she won’t, here’s how to make sure you get your zzzz’s and why it should matter to both of you.

There’s Falling Asleep…

Falling asleep is an art. And like any good artist, you have to practice. You have to pay attention and care about the process and the results.

My own journey with re-learning to fall asleep started with a small notebook and pen. Every day for about two weeks, I jotted down all the random details I could think of about my environment and my perceived quality of sleep. I did this both before I went to bed and when I woke up.

  • What time I got in bed.
  • What time did I last check the clock? (When did I fall asleep?)
  • When did I get up?
  • How did I feel in the morning?
  • What temperature was the room? What blankets did I use?
  • What type of light was there?
  • What did I do just before I went to bed?
  • What did I eat?

Out of all that note taking I learned this – to fall asleep quickly, I needed:

  • Pitch black (I went from using night lights to total lights out)
  • Cool temperatures
  • A bit of protein – like yogurt.
  • No laptop in bed before lights out

Your results might vary but by doing this exercise, I got to my minimum number of actions to ensure a fast descent into blissful sleep. Try it yourself. It only requires about 2 weeks of notetaking.


This method worked far better than tracking my sleep with a device – using my perceived sleep quality turned out to be less ambiguous. With the device, the overload of data made it more difficult to narrow my results.


and Then There’s Falling BACK Asleep…

If you’re a person who wakes up in the middle of the night with your thoughts racing… and then suffers, praying to fall asleep again, until finally, you pass out about fifteen minutes before the alarm goes off – you know that finding a way to fall back asleep is key.

During the night, your brain is consolidating all your learning from the prior day. It’s busy in there, Dude. My theory is that when we wake up and catch it working, we get sucked into thinking that we’re actually figuring out important stuff. Trust me, we’re not. How many of those sleepless nights actually yielded great insights for you? Right. Not enough to be worth it. To fall back asleep, you have to stay out of your brain’s way and let it do it’s job.

Here are three ways to fall back asleep.

Count Sheep

Basically, count backward from 100. If you get to 0, start at 100 again. Usually, by the third time through, you’re out. The key here is to make the counting just hard enough that you have to stay focused, but boring enough that your mind gives up and goes to sleep.

Count Sheep Version 2

Count backward from 100 by threes. You’ll probably have to move this option within a week or so of counting backward. The first method will have become too easy. Your mind will be able to wander back to your mental busy work. To make it hard enough to keep you focused, count down by 3 – 100, 97, 94, 91, 88, 85, 82, 79… see how the pattern doesn’t repeat for a long time? That’s what keeps your mind focused just enough. Again, you won’t often make it through three rounds before you’re out like a light.

Hack Your Mind

This is my new favorite way . Just stick with me here.

  1. During the day – pay a lot of attention to the idea that sleep is very important. What you’re doing is priming your brain that sleeping is as important as whatever else you spin out on at night. Try to tie some emotion to the thoughts. I had “Get a Good Night’s Sleep” up on my whiteboard for about 2 months and when I looked at it, I tried to feel grateful that I was going to give myself the gift of sleep. I also noticed that all that thinking I did in the middle of the night never actually got me any results. By paying attention, during the day to the idea that sleep is a top priority, you’re telling yourself this is important stuff. Sleep is vital. Thinking at night is not valuable. You need to believe both of these. Fortunately, you probably already do.

2. When you wake up in the night with your mind racing – ask yourself the question, “Where Am I?” This is an old Zen question that changes your perspective from rumination to observation. Answer yourself with “I’m in my bed.” Let yourself wake up enough to really see that you’re in bed.

3. Next, as your mind picks up the thread of whatever thoughts it’s working on – tell yourself some version of “I’m not working on that now. The bed is for sleeping.”

If you’re like me, you’re brain will release the thought and you’ll drop right back to sleep.

I’d love to hear if this brain hack works for you. Drop me a line on facebook @RockYourDayJob or on LinkedIn – Amy D’Annibale and let me know how it works for you. Or set up a 25-minute free coaching session here and tell me in person.

And Then … There’s Why It Matters…

I just got done listening to The Passion Paradox by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness. Here’s a quote from that book, that explains why a good night sleep is good for you and your company:

“If you really love your work and want to do a good job at it, the last thing you should do is sacrifice sleep. In the early 2000s, then groundbreaking research out of Harvard University found that it is during sleep that you retain, consolidate, store, and connect information. In other words, your mind doesn’t grow and make leaps when you are at work, but rather when you are at rest. “

 THE PASSION PARADOX: A Guide to Going All In, Finding Success, and Discovering the Benefits of an Unbalanced Life by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness. Copyright © 2019 Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness

Another thing I read this year is that your brain prioritizes consolidation of negative memories first. Why? Well, it’s super important to remember where the tigers are. Remembering where the raspberries were? Not as much. You need to get about 6.5 hours of sleep to get the neutral and the positive learning consolidated too.

Here’s a link to a peer-reviewed article basically talking about both these concepts:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3079906/

A rough night’s sleep makes you less creative and less optimistic.

Not really what your boss is looking for. So shut down your email and hit the sack – your boss won’t mind. Promise.

Next Week: Why tracing your results back to your thoughts matters.

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My Amygdala Made Me Do It.

Chronic Stress is like a Radio Station. You might not be able to control what station is on when you start the car... but you don't have to leave it there.
You might not be able to control what station is on when you start the car…
but you don’t have to leave it there.

Last week, I stated that our thoughts cause our feelings, and that’s true. However, there’s a whole category of feelings that arise before we even have a thought.

Disclaimer: There are a lot of areas of the brain engaged in collecting sensory inputs and shuffling them around in there. If you want to know the names of all of them, and how they all fit together, rock on. Just know you won’t find it in this blog.


Data is being smuggled into our brains twenty-four seven.

For our purposes, it’s enough to know that our brain is actively collecting information about the world around us and that information is not being brought in through the main command and control center.

This information cargo includes facial expressions, sounds, smells, tastes, physical feelings – basically everything your senses can detect. All that data is then compared to memories of emotionally charged events and, without your permission, elaborate defense systems are engaged, based on the level of the threat. When this happens, all we know is that we’re suddenly frightened, or angry, or stunned.

It’s like the military staged a coup in our head

It kinda did. No amount of thought work is going to prevent those protective systems from engaging – initially. But here’s the brilliant part –we can get very, very good at interrupting the process.

Here’s the deal. Once that defense system engages, a lot of stuff happens super fast. Our heart rate picks up, our digestive processes stop and our higher thought centers come offline – just for a hot second.

Think about it, when a bus is barreling down on you, standing around wondering – “Is that the airport shuttle? Will it to turn left just before it gets to me?” is a sub-optimal plan.

So the defense center shuts down your internal re-run of Frasier and sends you jumping back to the curb like your ass was on fire. Good deal – if there’s a bus coming.

Sadly, when we’re in a meeting and a micro-expression of fear flashes on the face of the guy next to us, our inner General MacArthur might decide to assume control of the bridge. What comes out of our mouth next, might not what we hoped for. Welcome to the human race.

Normally, when the defense system kicks in, we just go with it. We get upset, we fight back, verbally or physically, or we turn away, either by running or by withdrawing from the social setting. That can mean tuning out the rest of the meeting or obsessing about all the negative things that could come from the situation. This type of engagement keeps the defense system on high, keeps the hormones flowing and can create chronic stress and all its negative health implications.

The name of the game is “Stand Down, ASAP.”

If you would like me to help you calm your inner Viking and get your personal Einstein back in charge, sign up for a free 25-minute session by clicking this link –https://rockyourdayjob.as.me/free. It would be my pleasure, no strings attached.

The first alert system might not be under your control, but all the rest – absolutely is.

Tuning into the physical feeling of your amygdala firing can give you an edge. Get curious about your reactions.

When strong feelings arise spontaneously, like anger or agitation or simply a big fat impulse to run your mouth, stop and take a moment to notice how you feel -emotionally and physically. All this defense is being driven by hormones and we can notice how they feel in our bodies. And if you’re driving a big ol‘ negative feedback loop by ruminating on a problem? Brilliant – because you have plenty of chances to catch on to the sensation.

The next step is to train yourself to pause when you feel this, verbally identify the event and then wait for the hormones to dissipate. I’m such a nerd about this, that I actually say “I’m having an amygdala hijacking, just give me a moment.” And yes, that gets me some odd looks.

If you react by engaging with the emotions – yelling, running, arguing, asserting a brilliant defense of your rights – the hormone pump will keep running. If you wait patiently, the defense system will stand down, your amygdala hijacking will end and you can continue making logical decisions about how you want to respond to the world around you.

And that?
Can have a huge impact on your health and your relationships.

Next Week: Why your boss should be buying you a mattress.