Tag: productivity

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Aging? Growing? Try Both.

Our culture does a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious job at setting up milestones for us… until it doesn’t.

Got milestones?

Sure you do.

If you’re two, you probably want to walk without holding someone’s hand.

If you’re twenty-two, you probably want an independent living situation.

If you’re forty-two, you probably want to educate your kids without going bankrupt.

And, if you’re sixty-two, you probably want to retire.

For some of you, those cultural milestones – driver’s license, graduation, homeownership, parenthood – are opportunities for saying no – No thanks, I’ll walk. No thanks, I’ll go right to work. No thanks, I’m going to travel and blog about it. No thanks, I’m taking a pass on kids.

Accept them or reject them, these milestones can come to define us. That’s swell, that’s easy, that doesn’t take a lot of thought and most of them are pretty satisfying. I love my car, my home, my spouse, my son, and my 401K. I don’t want to give any of them up.

The problem is… after two years of thinking short-term – as in… “How do I not get dead from a pandemic?” short term...the long-range plan is looking a bit dusty.

To make matters worse, pre-built milestones run out.

All these years, we were looking forward – forward to eating with a spoon, forward to driving on the highway without an adult, forward to buying a beer, making a living, having it all.

If we haven’t been practicing creating our own milestones, our own futures, we can be left looking like a blank canvas when the prebuilt template falls away.

So how do you create your own milestones? You can start with the advice that Dan Sullivan and Catherine Nomura say in “The Laws of Lifetime Growth” – Always make your future bigger than your past.

The book is a free listen on audible if you’re a member there… so check it out – or click the link above and find it on Amazon.

Having a future that’s bigger than your past is about letting go of the rules that hold us back, those cultural conditions that say the goal of life is to be able to stop working, that tell us that women do some jobs and men do others. (And yes, that’s still a thing. Hello.)

The goal of life is to become as much of who you are and what you are as you possibly can.

See that tree up there at the top of the blog?

Do you think it was looking at other trees to show it how to become that grand, spreading, wonder of global carbon reduction? If you do, please write me.

That sparkling green marvel is an example of what that kind of tree can become when it has plenty of water, sun, space, time, and – yeah – some luck.

What kind of human can you become if you have plenty of water, sun, space, and time?

What kind of human can you become if you just start where you’re at and keep growing?

What is the biggest, broadest, most ALIVE version of you that is possible in the world?

Don’t breeze past that question. A good answer should take you at least a half-hour of journaling. You have a lunch break… why not jot some ideas down? After all, that’s the milestone you want out there.

That’s the milestone we all want you to reach.

You – being that big, alive version of yourself – makes the future bigger and brighter for everyone.

You. The fullest expression of you…is the path.

And that? Is just the best thing ever.

I have a six-week program that walks clients through ending over-working. Clients consistently see results by week four, at which point – we do the work of building out what a bright future looks like. Sound good? Sign up for a quick conversation, let’s see if I can help you branch out.

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If you think we’re all too focused on happiness…

Try telling this guy he’s not happy.
Interest and Pride make the top ten of positive emotions.
Who’s farting rainbows now?

Right. Everybody’s supposed to be happy all the time. That’s what all these airy-fairy life coaches are all about. Right? Right?

Get over yourself. That’s so 1999. Happiness is the powerhouse of innovation, curiosity, and dedication. Success is not an easy feat to achieve. You’re going to need some serious mojo to get there. Check out the list below.

The Big 10 Positive emotions:

Joy.

Love.

Gratitude.

Serenity.

Interest.

Pride.

Hope.

Amusement.

Inspiration.

Awe.

Positive thinking gets a bad rap in STEM circles. I mean, we spend all day writing test scripts and providing evidence for stuff… like our code will actually deliver the right result, or that dam will hold water for instance. We’re not big fans of “thinking will make it so”.

Look at that list. Really look at it. Which do you think makes more sense –

You work really hard, become successful and then you find meaning in your work, new ideas, and curiosity?

OR… You have an abiding love for what you do, you are interested in what works, inspiration strikes and then you’re successful?

If you define happiness as the set and the 10 big emotions as the subsets of happiness, it’s pretty easy to see that if you’re happy, success is pretty much coming down the road to meet you.

Chicken, my friend, the egg was first. Happiness drives success. So figure out what puts happy on your face, and go for it, even if that positive expression looks a lot like an alert pit bull.

If you want to find out ways you can feel happier at work, book a free session with me – here.

The 10 big positive emotions – if you want to read about the research visit www.pursuit-of-happiness.org

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Are You Brave Enough to Manage Time?

Sandra Day O’Connor said “Slaying the dragon of delay is no sport for the short winded.”
Neither is the game of time management.

My Clients All Want to Know the Secret.

Yep. I feel for them. They want to know the three things which will solve the problem of work-life balance once and for all. For the first few sessions, they think we’re not talking about time at all.

I keep asking them to put names to emotions, remember thoughts, separate facts from fiction. They want a detailed plan on how to be more productive. They want to know how to finish their to-do lists in seconds and plow more work into less time. I keep trying to show them their thoughts.

I know how they feel. I analyzed every sentence in First Things First by Covey, Merrill, and Merrill. I spent a weekend pulling apart my filing system and making little labels after listening to, and then reading David Allen’s Getting Things Done. I made boatloads of time maps, trying to follow Julie Morgenstern’s Time Management from the Inside Out. I learned a ton by reading these works and much of it I kept.

If you can do it in 2 minutes, do it – is a keeper (David Allen)

I kept Urgent V Important, and Put The Big Rocks in First – Covey, Merrill and Merrill

I gave up being a Conquistador of Chaos and took up Time Boxing – Morgenstern

I calendar and habit stack. I pomodoro ( – thanks Francesco Cirillo ) and I use Trello.

I’m an A+ Time Management Student – but nothing stuck until I understood one thing: I’m Worthy.

Did you just groan? Just a bit?

I know – it sounds trite and you can’t buy it at the store and take it to work to solve all your problems. Sorry.

M. Scott Peck said it this way: Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.

Here’s the deal: You’re never going to be any more valuable than you are right now. There’s no such thing as self-improvement if we’re implying that we become more worthy, more important or more valuable when we change or grow.

You’re as valuable as the next guy, you’re as important as your boss and you have as much right to make decisions about your time as the CEO does. You have your own allotment of time on the planet. Nobody is going to stop you from spending it all at work – not in America, not in this century. The only person who can decide how valuable your time is – is you.

You still have to deliver value and results to the company that pays your salary – on the regular and in good faith, but as long as you think there is something more important or someone more important than your own decisions about what you’re going to do with your next 24 hours? You’re sunk. You’ll waste time, give up time and let work slide into personal time and personal time slide into work time.

You have to value yourself before you can set up a time management system that works.

It’s not easy to put a high value on yourself. You have to be very brave to do it. You have to have the courage to try it, to be willing to let people think stuff about you – to be willing to make mistakes. You have to be one tough lady, one strong dude to reign in time and make it take you where you want to go. The good news is – you can learn to value yourself and your time.

And that? Is just good to know.

If you would like to figure out how to stop seeing yourself as someone who needs fixing and start realizing that you are fine, right now – as you are, it would be my great honor to work with you. Before I worked with my coach, I really didn’t see myself as worth much. Now? I’m absolutely committed to modeling self-appreciation and helping others find their own self-compassion. Book a free session here.

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Your Boss Should Buy You a Mattress

But if she won’t, here’s how to make sure you get your zzzz’s and why it should matter to both of you.

There’s Falling Asleep…

Falling asleep is an art. And like any good artist, you have to practice. You have to pay attention and care about the process and the results.

My own journey with re-learning to fall asleep started with a small notebook and pen. Every day for about two weeks, I jotted down all the random details I could think of about my environment and my perceived quality of sleep. I did this both before I went to bed and when I woke up.

  • What time I got in bed.
  • What time did I last check the clock? (When did I fall asleep?)
  • When did I get up?
  • How did I feel in the morning?
  • What temperature was the room? What blankets did I use?
  • What type of light was there?
  • What did I do just before I went to bed?
  • What did I eat?

Out of all that note taking I learned this – to fall asleep quickly, I needed:

  • Pitch black (I went from using night lights to total lights out)
  • Cool temperatures
  • A bit of protein – like yogurt.
  • No laptop in bed before lights out

Your results might vary but by doing this exercise, I got to my minimum number of actions to ensure a fast descent into blissful sleep. Try it yourself. It only requires about 2 weeks of notetaking.


This method worked far better than tracking my sleep with a device – using my perceived sleep quality turned out to be less ambiguous. With the device, the overload of data made it more difficult to narrow my results.


and Then There’s Falling BACK Asleep…

If you’re a person who wakes up in the middle of the night with your thoughts racing… and then suffers, praying to fall asleep again, until finally, you pass out about fifteen minutes before the alarm goes off – you know that finding a way to fall back asleep is key.

During the night, your brain is consolidating all your learning from the prior day. It’s busy in there, Dude. My theory is that when we wake up and catch it working, we get sucked into thinking that we’re actually figuring out important stuff. Trust me, we’re not. How many of those sleepless nights actually yielded great insights for you? Right. Not enough to be worth it. To fall back asleep, you have to stay out of your brain’s way and let it do it’s job.

Here are three ways to fall back asleep.

Count Sheep

Basically, count backward from 100. If you get to 0, start at 100 again. Usually, by the third time through, you’re out. The key here is to make the counting just hard enough that you have to stay focused, but boring enough that your mind gives up and goes to sleep.

Count Sheep Version 2

Count backward from 100 by threes. You’ll probably have to move this option within a week or so of counting backward. The first method will have become too easy. Your mind will be able to wander back to your mental busy work. To make it hard enough to keep you focused, count down by 3 – 100, 97, 94, 91, 88, 85, 82, 79… see how the pattern doesn’t repeat for a long time? That’s what keeps your mind focused just enough. Again, you won’t often make it through three rounds before you’re out like a light.

Hack Your Mind

This is my new favorite way . Just stick with me here.

  1. During the day – pay a lot of attention to the idea that sleep is very important. What you’re doing is priming your brain that sleeping is as important as whatever else you spin out on at night. Try to tie some emotion to the thoughts. I had “Get a Good Night’s Sleep” up on my whiteboard for about 2 months and when I looked at it, I tried to feel grateful that I was going to give myself the gift of sleep. I also noticed that all that thinking I did in the middle of the night never actually got me any results. By paying attention, during the day to the idea that sleep is a top priority, you’re telling yourself this is important stuff. Sleep is vital. Thinking at night is not valuable. You need to believe both of these. Fortunately, you probably already do.

2. When you wake up in the night with your mind racing – ask yourself the question, “Where Am I?” This is an old Zen question that changes your perspective from rumination to observation. Answer yourself with “I’m in my bed.” Let yourself wake up enough to really see that you’re in bed.

3. Next, as your mind picks up the thread of whatever thoughts it’s working on – tell yourself some version of “I’m not working on that now. The bed is for sleeping.”

If you’re like me, you’re brain will release the thought and you’ll drop right back to sleep.

I’d love to hear if this brain hack works for you. Drop me a line on facebook @RockYourDayJob or on LinkedIn – Amy D’Annibale and let me know how it works for you. Or set up a 25-minute free coaching session here and tell me in person.

And Then … There’s Why It Matters…

I just got done listening to The Passion Paradox by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness. Here’s a quote from that book, that explains why a good night sleep is good for you and your company:

“If you really love your work and want to do a good job at it, the last thing you should do is sacrifice sleep. In the early 2000s, then groundbreaking research out of Harvard University found that it is during sleep that you retain, consolidate, store, and connect information. In other words, your mind doesn’t grow and make leaps when you are at work, but rather when you are at rest. “

 THE PASSION PARADOX: A Guide to Going All In, Finding Success, and Discovering the Benefits of an Unbalanced Life by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness. Copyright © 2019 Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness

Another thing I read this year is that your brain prioritizes consolidation of negative memories first. Why? Well, it’s super important to remember where the tigers are. Remembering where the raspberries were? Not as much. You need to get about 6.5 hours of sleep to get the neutral and the positive learning consolidated too.

Here’s a link to a peer-reviewed article basically talking about both these concepts:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3079906/

A rough night’s sleep makes you less creative and less optimistic.

Not really what your boss is looking for. So shut down your email and hit the sack – your boss won’t mind. Promise.

Next Week: Why tracing your results back to your thoughts matters.