Category: Work Life Balance

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The Big PP

Are you killing yourself making everyone else happy at work?
Think you need to stand up for yourself? You’re right – kinda.

Nothing will suck the fun out of work faster than trying to please everyone.  I should know, I attempted it for years.  My results? Phbbt.

Ok, this is a long one… I riff on the whiteboard stuff and there’ll be dogs barking at the end. Enjoy!

I’m pretty excited about today’s blog because I took my time whiteboarding out the message I wanted to deliver, and guess what?   I’m going to add it to this blog.  So cool, right?  Now you can get your information exactly as you need it.  You can read the blog, listen to the blogcast, or review the diagram.  Freaky good.  AND BONUS:  I did this to save myself time.

What?  You heard me correctly there, Slick. I was selfishly attempting to figure out how to get two blogs done in the time it takes to do one.  Why? Because you all don’t buy my products because of my blog, and frankly, I have housework to do.  I want to shove my two side hustles into smaller boxes so I can pick up some personal time.   See how self-serving that is?  Does it change how you think about me if I tell you the personal stuff I want to do is exercise, eat right, and just enjoy my damn dogs before they croak?   Ahh, now you don’t think that’s so selfish, do you?  Well, you’re right where I want you. We’re going take a crack at getting you to drop your people-pleasing and start making your own darn self happy.  You so deserve it.

My first attempt – too large to embed.
If you want to get a clearer copy of this, just email me – Amy@RockYourDayJob.Com

The Big PP (People Pleasing)

My own story about trying to please people at work goes like this – I wanted to learn new things, I wanted to help, so I figured out how to support an overnight system.  I was able to take on a rotation and give my teammates a break.  That felt great! Go, team!

Years went by, I became a manager, but I was still supporting things overnight, during the day, all the time.  My boss was new and made a big fuss about how many hours I was working, all the dedication I had.  I felt proud – and tired.  Years went by. The boss left.  I had new bosses, new systems, and I was still up at night, up during the day, working fifteen hours on the weekend to get my inbox cleared out, etc.  

I thought I had a time management problem.  So, during a coaching session with Brooke Castillo, she coached me on my time issue.  I’ll never forget it. First, she asked me why I was doing all that work.  I’ll paraphrase the rest:

“Because I want to do a good job,” I said. 

“Why do you care if you do well?“ She asked.

Insert lots of reasons, questions … and then

“Because I want people at work to think I do a good job,” I said.  I hated to admit that. I like to believe that I don’t care what people think about me, but that day, she coached me through all my thoughts, and that’s what dropped out the bottom. Bummer.

“Yeah,” she said.  “That’s your work.”

Happily, she didn’t leave me with that.  Instead, she went a step further.  She asked me this:

“Do you want to work all those hours?”

“No,” I said.

“Will they be happy if you work twenty-four seven?”

“Maybe,” I said.

“But you don’t want to?” Brooke asked.

“No,” I said.

“So why don’t you tell them, ‘I know you’d like it if I worked twenty-four seven, but I wouldn’t’ ?”

Boom.  That did it for me.  Suddenly, my wants and desires were on equal footing with my employers.  What I wanted – counted.

So here’s what happened next: I never said those words to anyone at work, but I thought them in my mind.  I met with my manager.  I said I was going to try something new.  I was going to try to get some work-life balance.   I didn’t ask for help with it.  I just said, let me know if you see a problem and then, I set about learning how to shove my work back into a standard time block. 

You know what happened?   My evaluations went up. I kid you not.   I slept more, delegated better, took myself off the rotation for overnights, and started learning how to work more proactively.  Why? To please me.  Who benefited? My employer.   

Straight Trippin’, dude.  

High-Five there, woman.

So what about you?  Where are you killing yourself to make someone else happy?  Really – get an example in your mind.

Now ask yourself this – do you actually control how they feel?   Yeah – you saw that coming, didn’t you? I hope so.  If we turn the page upside down, the answer key reads:  NO. 

Not today, not tomorrow, not in a box, not with a fox. 

You can be workin’ your cubicle sittin’ butt off, and you’ll never make anyone happy.  And frankly, you’re not paid to.  You’re paid to deliver results – and believe me, your boss hopes you’ll finish in time to get some sleep, ‘cause you know, lack of sleep causes lower performance at work.

Okay, so let’s tackle the BIG Elephant in the room – SELFISHNESS.

If you want to make yourself happy, then you’re selfish.

RUBBISH. 

That’s the worst bag of malarky ever, and we’ve all picked up our own sack of it as we stood at the cash register of our lives. 

Toss that idea out.  If you want to make yourself happy, then you’re human and maybe even enlightened.

If you want other people to stop being happy, so you can feel good, then you’re selfish. 

Get it?

Uh, uh.  Don’t go to … Well, if I don’t do this burdensome task that will make me stay up all night, then someone else will have to. 

That’s where this always bogs down.

Change that thought to:

Is this burdensome task my responsibility?

If no. Then, game over.  Go home if you want to.   Don’t stay late to make someone else happy if it’s going to make you sick, unhappy, miss dinner with the kids, or cause your dog to need a piddle-pad.

If yes, then ask this instead:  I’m not going to stay up all night to do this burdensome task.  I’m not going to give it to someone else (make sure this is really YOUR task; otherwise, give it back).   So now… how am I going to solve this?

See that?  That right there, refusing to kill yourself to do it?  That’s what drives innovation. That’s how come my reviews went up.   Each time I solved that problem, my life got better, and so did my performance. 

Meanwhile, back to people-pleasing – Your wants, needs, and personal life, your desire to grow is just as important as anyone else’s.  For you? It should be more so.  You worry about you.  Get your own house spiffed up.  You can come back and lend everyone else a hand later – after you’ve walked the dog and had a good night’s sleep.

And that?  Is just good to know.

If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure

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The Fight to End Cubical Suffering

If this is how you look when you think about going to work on Monday, you’re not alone.
The good news is, you can answer this question simply, effectively and calm the heck down in one easy step.
No time to read? Just hit play and check out The Fight To End Cubicle Suffering. Do scroll down and read the blue boxes… that info isn’t in the recording.

Cubical suffering is on the rise in Corporate America. Won’t you join in the fight today?

No, I’m not talking about suffering to the third degree here, although I’ve seen this type of misery grow exponentially. What I’m talking about is all my tech friends and analysts, corporate warriors of all types, sitting in a workspace and suffering. That’s what I’m trying to end. I’m not an exercise maven, a motivational guru, or an expert on how to become rich. I can’t tell you how to climb the corporate ladder. What I have, are mad skillz when it comes to happiness. Over the next year, my goal is to show you the path from unhappy, overwhelmed, boxed in and overworked to happy, engaged, forward-looking and workload right-sized.

Interested in working with me? Sign up for a free 25 minute session by clicking here. We meet on zoom, camera on or off. Find out how I can help you move from overwork and chaos to happy and engaged at your day job.

My Story

I didn’t set out to get happy at work. Frankly, when I was in my late twenties and early thirties, my goal was to survive. At that time, my husband and I owned a brick & mortar deli in New Jersey. We sold coffee, cigarettes, lottery tickets, soda, sundries, sandwiches, breakfast, lunch, dinner, fries, onion rings, you name it. If we could cook it in under ten minutes, we sold it. If we could put it in trays and bring it to your event, we catered it. The place was open from five am to eight pm with slightly reduced hours on the weekends – long hours, on our feet. My husband and I each took a ten-hour shift Monday through Friday and one full weekend day – he opened, I closed. He used to fall asleep at stoplights on the way to work. After I got home, I did the books. Incredibly, this lifestyle was an improvement over my prior job. You can find that story – here.

Two events stand out for me from this five-year phase of my life:

First, I remember having a large catering job to prepare for. It was well after midnight. I was alone at the deli. I’d been cooking and prepping for four hours, after working my normal ten-hour shift full of adrenaline rushes and physical labor. I could hear the owners of the Italian restaurant next door closing up. I still had trays to finish and clean up to do, money to count and a bank deposit to make. I needed to be back at the shop by ten am. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I laid down on the cold tile behind the counter and began to cry. I hosted a big, ugly, pity party for myself. Slowly, a thought entered my mind. Nobody was coming to help me. The work still needed to be done; we’d already been paid. I stood up, washed my face and feeling eerily calm, finished my work.

What’s the link here? Sometimes, our own thoughts are making our work more difficult.

The second thing I remember from that time is standing in our tiny living room on my day off, looking out the window, holding a phone to my ear. I still had a phone with a cord, so I couldn’t walk around. My father was on the line and we were discussing business. I remember saying to him “Dad, you know what scares me? I’m not afraid I won’t be able to do it all. What really scares me is that I might be able to more.”

What’s the link here? Sometimes what we have to fear, is our own endurance.

Flash forward fifteen years or so. I was working in Corporate America as an IT manager, driving my twelve-mile commute to a job that normally was less than sixty hours a week. I was only called out of bed for overnight failures about once a month, but recently it had been several times a week. It was a sunny day, cold, winter, clear driving. I hadn’t slept the night before, or many nights, because my mind kept me up worrying about my job. I was exhausted and miserable.

I knew that this job was far better than what I’d experienced before. So why was I so unhappy?

I asked myself a question that had a profound impact on me.

Why did I take this job in the first place?

That question was the first step in an upward spiral for me.

I can remember the exact road I was on when I started answering myself. I know what house I was passing. I know what I told myself.

“I took this job because – it has great benefits.” Owning your own business is like playing roulette with your health insurance. I used to have to choose between being able to take my son to the doctor and catastrophic coverage. It was one or the other; we couldn’t afford both.

“I took this job because it is twelve miles from my home.” We used to drive forty minutes to our deli to start our shifts.

“I took this job because of the tuition reimbursement.” It allowed me to finish my college studies and get my degree.

“I took this job because this company has unlimited opportunities.” I work in insurance, which hosts a plethora of options for interesting, meaningful work.

“I took this job because this company truly believes in stakeholder ethics.” Being a great corporate citizen was something I could only dream of as a small business owner.

“I took this job because I get to work with other people, I’m not trying to do this all by myself.” If I can’t keep going, it doesn’t mean my family, my home and everything we own will dissolve.

I remembered the day I was offered my first job at this company. My family could not believe my good fortune. What a great opportunity. I remembered the day I was offered the position as a manager. I loved the team I was on, I loved the work we did and the people we did it for. It meant something to me. It was important.

Driving into work that cold, clear day, I remembered exactly why I had this job.

All those reasons still applied. I was grateful for my job. I still thought the work was meaningful. I wasn’t happy yet, but I was on my way.

And that? Is a path you can take too.

What’s the link here? Remember your why. Everything starts with why.

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Who’s Flying Now?

Listen, every now and then, it’s good to check in and see whose flying this thing we call work.
Don’t feel like reading? Click here for the audio.

This week, it’s back to basics. This blog and the work I’m doing as a life coach has one purpose. I help people who are overworked, tired, unhappy, in a rut or unsure of their next step at work, get more control, feel better, and enjoy work.

The thing about this that makes me want to stand up and shout is we all have a lot more control than we think. We have control over what we pay attention to. We have control over our reasons for being at work. We have control over what meaning we attribute to the work we do, why we’re doing it, and how we execute. We have control over our feelings, our thoughts, our actions.

I think there are a lot of people out there who believe that their only choice at work is to try to deal with what other people say and do, to try to make other people happy and pray that someone changes things so they can be happy.

This, my friends, doesn’t work.

If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure

There’s no single way for everyone to be happy, but the first step is the same for everyone. Take back all the control that you possibly can. Err on the side of assuming you can act and effect changes right from your cubicle. You take back control the minute that you decide that you want to be happy at work or you want to stop overworking, or you want to do more of the work you’re best at. Whatever it is that you are waiting for so that you can feel better at work, take control of that.

Here’s the crazy thing. The only reason I’ve gone back to basics on this blog is that my brother asserted control. I want to turn this blog into a podcast. A bit of music for the podcast would be cool, after all, this is Rock Your Day Job. So I turned to my brother.

My brother is some kind of associate director of client learning programs but his side hustle is as a folk-world-rock singer-songwriter. So I thought great, let me get James to write me an intro/ outro. He said cool but… give me an outline of the journey you want to take your listeners on so I can tie the music to the point of all this.

What?

I just wanted him to string some notes together and make magic. Turns out… he’s an Associate Director of Client Learning Programs. Oh. That means he knows how to design systems that teach people stuff. He thinks I should have a plan and not waste your time. Huh.

So I sat down and started to chart out the outline for the next year and I realized this blog had gotten off course. I decided to get back to basics, the real reason I’m here. I help people who are exhausted and unhappy at work get more control, feel better and enjoy work.

This week, try to notice where you feel out of control at work. Then ask yourself what you can and can’t truly control. For instance, you can’t control what other people do or how they think, but you can control what actions you will take and you can control how you want to think about situations. You can’t control if your boss likes you, but you can control how you think about your boss. You can’t control which projects you’ll get, but you can control how you behave when opportunities arise and who you discuss your preferences with.

My brother influenced my entire process just by stating that he wanted to work from an outline.

Control. He exerted a lot of influence right there but he also exercised control over himself. He didn’t need me to change, he didn’t say no to writing music for me. He just understood how he wanted to work, what he needed from others, and he allowed himself to ask for it.

Magic.

And that? Is something you can do too.

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Don’t Trip on the Rug

Your dream wasn’t canceled, but if you’re not seeing it… maybe you forgot to renew.
This week’s blog is part 5 of the 5-part series on permanent change

For the audio version of this blog, scroll to the end and press play.

I’d done it all. I’d worked through the lifestyle implications of the changes I want to make happen. I cleared out space for my new work. I believed it could be done, kinda. I was planning and doing, heading towards change when all of a sudden, it wasn’t in my frame of reference. I couldn’t see it and then I tripped.

This week, I was seriously trucking along. I was committing tasks to my calendar and executing them. I’d hit a major milestone on my side hustle and delivered results. At my day job, I was making progress on several fronts and I was keeping my health goals in line…I even got up early and went out for a run… in the dark… and yet…Boom!

A total eclipse of my plans.

A trainee showed up that I forgot was arriving. He smiled at me and I thought “Oh no! What am I going to give him to do?” I had to cancel a launch at my day job to allow for more testing and fixes. I fell behind on daily tasks for one of my side ventures. Then, I tossed all my health goals to the wind, plopped some cheese and crackers on a plate and went out to my porch, in 24-degree weather, to brood.

Stuff happened.

Stuff is always going to happen; it doesn’t mean we should go out on the porch and brood. If we do, it certainly doesn’t mean we should stay there. Especially if it’s dark and cold out.

The business of change is the business of renewal. Daily, weekly, any time.

Here’s the deal. All or nothing thinking is the enemy. At work, believing we know it all is the first step toward failure. When we think things are black and white, cut and dry, done and over, we lose. We don’t listen to other people’s ideas, we don’t try to think of improvements, we don’t run hard right up to the deadline. We give up, think small and don’t listen.

The same is true when we’re trying to change. If you indulge in all or nothing perspectives, you’re taking the easy way to failure.

Telling myself if I don’t do everything I planned, my plan is a failure, is ridiculous right? I’m being too hard on myself.

Or am I? I might be going easy.

It’s easy because I don’t have to sit down and evaluate where things went south and revise my plan. It’s easy because I don’t have to pick myself up and try again. It’s easy because I can just stop.

Too bad that’s not how we frame this type of quitting to ourselves. We don’t call ourselves out for this kind of cheating. Instead, we wallow a bit. I know I do. I feel like a failure, I ruminate on it, but I also give up. It feels bad, but it also feels like a bit of a relief.

The business of change is the business of renewal. Daily, weekly, any time, all the time.

So how are you doing on your goals? Did you set any for this year?

If you did, were you gung-ho for a bit?

How are you feeling now?

Or are you so gun-shy that you no longer set goals?

Here’s what I know:

You can always start over, every day and twice on Sundays.

If you shoot for the stars and hit Everest, heck, you hit Everest. Dude.

There’s more than one way to anywhere.

The business of change is the business of renewal – and revision.

Renew your commitment.

Revise your plan.

Do yourself the favor of seeing reframing and re-trying as the most compassionate things you can do for yourself. Because they are. There is no reason you have to take the best route to your dreams. Take any route, take all the routes. It’s a dream. It’s your inheritance as a human. A dream is a privilege.

The business of change is the business of renewal.

Whatever your dream is, whatever you want to achieve, don’t cancel it. Spend time with it. You were designed to go after it. It’s in your DNA.

If you would like to take the first step to permanent change, click here.

The business of change is the business of joy.

And that? Is something worth chasing.

Click play for the audio version of Don’t Trip on the Rug
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How To Plan A Coup

There’s a big difference between learning to play the banjo and making a living at it.
That difference is lifestyle.
Understanding the concept can be a deal-breaker when it comes to maintaining your achievements.

Coup – pronounced KOO, meaning sudden takeover or great success.

You know you want one. Heck, I want one. Do you want to make next year the most amazing sudden achievement of personal and professional synergy you’ve ever experienced? Do you want to finally do the thing you say every January you’ll do? If there was one thing you could give yourself for Christmas, would it be a coup?

Dude! Let’s do it! Dudette, high fives all around. I’m so in. Are you?

Whoops. What’s that? You were just excited there for a minute, I know you were. But the reality is coming in like a conquering hoard, isn’t it? You’ve been here before. One minute you’re all in and the next minute… you remember… you’ve tried this before.

Not. Cool. Not. Coup.

Not to worry, that’s normal. To find out why, read my blog on Past Based Thinking

Ok, come on back to me. What if I told you there is a way forward, even if this isn’t your first try for a promotion, your first attempt at writing that book or your first rodeo? What if I told you that you can plan and execute a takeover of your own life?

I’m telling you… there IS a way forward.

I’ve learned the hard way that not planning on the difference between achievement and lifestyle can lead to backsliding on your dreams.

We experience this at work all the time. Remember when the entire company created onboarding documents? When was the last time you updated them? What about that great plan for staying on top of your technical skills? Do you even remember your plural site password? That – is what I’m talking about. The difference between getting your boss to buy you that amazing tech training subscription and actually taking the classes on the regular is the difference between achievement and life-style.

If you know me and work with me, you know that I lost weight a couple of years back. And you know that I’ve put a lot of it back on. What a shame, huh? But not surprising right?

What I was missing was future focus. Basically, when I lost weight – I gained an identity problem. I wrote about this – Nirvana Park. What I’ve learned is that for permanent change, you need to understand how you’re going to get something, and then how you’re going to keep something.

Achievement is getting something, lifestyle is how you keep it.

To prepare for creating a mind-blowing, life-altering new year’s resolution worthy of the ab-fab human you are, start by exploring your goals in relation to both how to get something and how to keep it. You can do the steps below thinking only about work, only about your personal life or combine the two.

  1. First answer the question: What is the result I want by the end of 2020?
  2. Next answer the question: What are the things that are important in my life?
  3. Make a list of all the activities, priorities, results, etc you want your life to include.
  4. Add a column for “GET” and note for each item what you would have to do to get this attribute, result, etc. If you already have it, just put a dash.
  5. Now, add a column for “KEEP” and note what you have to do to keep or maintain this result.
  6. At this point, it may seem you can’t possibly have it all. You’re right on track.
  7. Now, take each item, or group of items, and write a sentence that looks like one of these ” Being _____________ means spending more time__________ and less time _____________.” or “Having ____________ means (doing/being/saying/taking) less of ____________________ and more _____________”

Do you have a much clearer idea of where this new achievement or goal is about to take you? Keep going, do this for each item in your list. Do you feel a bit more positive? I hope so. The last step is to really look at your answers.

What does this lifestyle require you to give up? What does this lifestyle require you to add? Can you seriously say this is the way you want to live?

Here’s what I learned by dropping 45 lbs and gaining 30 back – getting thin has a beginning and an end. Staying thin – does not. Before you set out to achieve something, ask yourself if this is a one-time thing – like buying a hot car – or a lifetime thing – like getting healthy. If it’s a lifetime thing, then you need to plan out both how to get what you want and how to keep what you want.

Achievement & Lifestyle.

So are you in? Do you want to plan a coup?

Click here to Download your Free Worksheet

This year, between The Great Gift Exchange and Auld Lang Syne, let’s plan your coup.

And me? I’m with you all the way.

See you next week for part 2 of the Five Steps to Changing Your Life

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Getting Out of Your Own Way

OK – it’s time to put the Cheer into Cheerful time management…
If you lack follow-through, I have great news.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
It’s time to learn how to get stuff done, so you can celebrate your success.

Welcome to the final installment in my 3 part series on cheerful time management.

So far we’ve been talking about tactics. How to plan your time so you feel energized at the end of the day. How to use blocks of time to make sure you get what you want out of life.

Back in May, I blogged about an essential truth of time management. Here’s the gist of that blog:

You still have to deliver value and results to the company that pays your salary – on the regular and in good faith, but as long as you think there is something more important or someone more important than your own decisions about what you’re going to do with your next 24 hours? You’re sunk. You’ll waste time, give up time and let work slide into personal time and personal time slide into work time. You have to value yourself before you can set up a time management system that works.

And in March, I discussed how we each have to fight for our time. Here are the basics of that blog:

  1. Spend the majority of your day doing the work that is most expensive or most skilled.
  2. Plan results – not time.
  3. Refuse to work at the expense of yourself.
  4. Stop using work to escape your life. 

The titan in the room is … EXECUTION.

There’s no point in planning your days, ordering your activities or doodling about results if you don’t actually do anything. How do I know this? I’m a daydreamer, a procrastinator and I have a very hard time making myself do stuff. So how do I run two internet businesses and work my day job – and still have time to play with my granddaughter?

You can try to use willpower. If you’re reading a bunch of blogs on time management, I’m guessing that hasn’t worked so well for you. It’s not my go-to either.

You can build habit stacks. Carefully constructing triggers, habits, and rewards, like breadcrumbs leading you to your goal. Great for exercising daily, not so good for getting through a whole day.

Or – you walk your little brain through a 15-minute analysis that will open you up and make tackling your next task something you actually want to do.

I’m going to give you that process, right here. It’s going to look very simple. You are not likely to actually try it. I swear on my day-planner that this process is worth every minute you spend on it.

First, sit down and fill half of a sheet of notebook paper with all the random thoughts you have about your next task (assuming you’re procrastinating doing it.) Let’s say it’s a schedule for a project. You write all the stuff you’re thinking as in my example below. You can see it’s just free-flowing and not all that logical or positive. This is the excellent material my brain hands me when I don’t manage it well.

I’ll never get this done on time. All this stuff can’t be done. I’m just fakin’ it here. We’ll never pull this off. Maybe we can do it. If I don’t put together a schedule, I’ll never have a chance at succeeding. This project was doomed from the start. It’s not my fault. It’s all my fault. Writing this is a waste of time I should be doing email. The project is important and I can write a schedule. I hate doing this.

Great stuff, right? If I stop the process right now, or if I don’t even bother to write my thoughts down, I’ll feel overwhelmed or fearful. Those feelings send me right to my inbox to knock out a few emails and get myself a nice hit of reward hormones. I feel better in the short term but that project will still be there in the back of my mind.

Next, pick one thought.

We’ll never pull this off

Ask yourself what fact, or situation this thought is about. Make that fact completely lacking in drama. In this case, the situation is “My Project Schedule” or better yet “Schedule”.

Now, list out 5 positive thoughts you believe and 5 negative thoughts you believe about your situation or fact. I recommend doing the positives first. Notice how you don’t want to write the negatives after doing the positives.

Positive & Seems True: Our best chance is with a schedule. The schedule doesn’t have to be perfect. I can add stuff to the schedule as we work with it. I’ve done a million schedules and they always help. It’s possible we’ll succeed.

Negative & Seems True: I’m going to fail. I’ve been putting this off. I’m actually just in the same place we often get on a project, needing to understand all the details so we can help ourselves. I’m just a manager trying to do everything. I’m tired of writing down negative thoughts – I want to go write my schedule

I’ve had a lot of practice at this process and you can see in the example that my brain is quickly turning away from the negative and ready to move on. However, for some of you, finding five true and positive thoughts is going to be really hard. Try using – it’s possible, at least or it’s just to pry some positive thoughts out.

Why bother with this?

The reason you’re not taking action isn’t that you’re fundamentally flawed, weak-willed or lazy. Our brains are designed to protect us from harm. Failing at a task that the tribe wants us to do is inherently risky. We could lose our place. We could be out in the snow with the wolves hunting us down. We could die.

Our brains don’t know that we have access to hundreds of tribes on social media. They don’t know that our family isn’t going to toss us out to die if we create a bad project plan. So our brains want us to do what we did yesterday – skip the plan, skip the schedule. After all, we lived, didn’t we?

Getting all this out on paper makes thoughts into objects.

Once you get your thought, find your fact, and list out your positives and negatives, do a quick motivation check. Are you ready to work? If yes, go to it.

If not, then list out how each thought makes you feel and then imagine how you act when you feel that way. Notice the result those actions get you. Do the negatives first this time.

Schedule: I’ve been putting this off. When that thought crosses my mind I literally feel sick to my stomach, which means I feel fear. When I’m afraid, I want to run away, change tasks, cry – basically put it off.

Schedule: I’m going to fail. I feel depressed. When I’m depressed, I eat candy, get a cup of coffee, check my emails. All of those actions actually make me fail.

Schedule: Our best chance is with a schedule. I feel logical when I think it. When I feel logical, I just start listing out project steps. Then I’m closer to being done.

Schedule: I’ve done a million schedules and they always help. I feel hopeful when I think it. When I feel hopeful, I want to finish the schedule. I list out tasks. I finish the schedule

This process makes it very clear what impact your thinking is having on you getting the task done. It also gets your frontal cortex in the game. Once you lay all this out, it’s pretty hard to keep walking around procrastinating. It just doesn’t make any sense. What would happen if you scheduled fifteen minutes to do this process before you started project work you normally put off?

That? Is how I work on stuff without using willpower or habits.

That? Is Good to Know.

If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure

This process takes practice. Helping people through this is what I’ve been trained to do. I’ve helped lots of people change their work habits from unhappy procrastination to revitalized effectiveness. I can help you too.

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Letting Go of the Need to Get There

Our lives are miraculous and if you’re reading this, you’ve already arrived.

Potential must be a BIG word. It has to be tall – because we need to live up to it, right? It’s inscrutable because we have to work hard to realize it. We had better get to it because we don’t want to fail to reach our potential. Right? Right? After all, our managers are eager to help us and we want to be excellent.

Too bad. Because we’ll never succeed at manifesting our true human potential. It’s a massive Catch-22.

Our human potential is unlimited.

If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure

Listen, I’m a person who always wants to take on challenges, learn, grow, and keep moving, I mean, that is some fun way to live. But I want to give a big, fat raspberry to that idea that we all need to hurry to reach our potential, or that there is one perfect manifestation of our potential.

So I decided to get the facts. I went to Google and got the first definition that came up. (Yes, do laugh, but we’re moving on.) When used as a noun, the definition is “latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness.”

Basically, we’ve got some stuff we’re not using yet. It may be useful but, we have to put some work in to make that so. When you put it that way, it doesn’t sound like life or death. It might not even be worth missing a family outing for.

Look, I don’t know about you, but I’ve got lots of “stuff” I’m not using. I’m not using my ergonomic keyboard; I’m not using my subscription to Dragon Speak. Fact is, both of those are going to require a bit of effort and time and I’m not ready. Why? Because I’m busy – I’m writing my blog, I’m rushing to get outside a enjoy a perfect September Saturday walking my dogs. I’m looking forward to getting my house clean and maybe cooking that free turkey from last Thanksgiving before I get another one. You know. I’m living my life.

You are too. Well, not my life. You’re living yours.

And that? Is a gift.

According to a Japanese Zen story, we can think of our human existence like this:

Our very existence, at this moment, on this planet, in this human form, is as unlikely as a sea turtle sleeping on the bed of the ocean for 100 years, waking up and swimming to the surface, and putting its head into a floating oxen yolk. Not just any floating oxen yolk, but a golden one, as in made of gold – heavy, sinkable gold, that is floating for a brief moment, pushed this way and that by the wind and waves. The likelihood of our 100-year-old sea turtle hitting that yolk perfectly – that’s the chances of us being here as humans, with our experiences, in this life and being aware of the present moment.

The minute I allow my quest to reach my human potential to cause me to refute the wonder of this present moment, I’ve let go of the rare gift of the here and now.

And it’s worse than that. I’ve used the distance between where I am and where I can go to mean that there is something wrong with me, here, as I am, because I’m assuming there is somewhere better to go, some better person to be.

It’s just not true.

There is no getting to my full potential, ever. And there’s certainly no getting to my potential without starting where I am now.

So go ahead, walk out into the superunknown of your own potential. Take risks, try new things, learn more stuff. Set goals; achieve them. All of that creates texture and flavor in this beautiful life you’ve been given. Work hard. Do stuff.

Just know, the future doesn’t hold a final goal that gets you to the place where your life starts with you in the starring role as a fully realized human.

Dude, you’re already there.

And that? Is a good idea to hold onto.

Never miss a blog. Sign up here for my Monday morning newsletter – “It’s Monday”. You’ll get information about new programs and offers, links to interesting videos and books all in your inbox.

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Risky Business

Taking a chance is scary… but not taking a risk should be terrifying.

What keeps you up at night? Most likely, it’s a risk of some sort. The risk that you won’t complete a project on time, the chance that you’ll make a mistake, a problem or puzzle carries the possibility of not being able to solve it.

The future is a risky place. We don’t know what we’ll find there, and our brains don’t like it. Our brains have a job to do… they have to keep our sorry bottoms out of trouble. Our mind has to make sure we’re getting food, staying out of the rain and finding some tribe members. So basically, cheese snacks, binge-watching on the couch and social media is our brain’s idea of a good time. How about doing that for the rest of your life? You in? Didn’t think so.

The image is pretty grim.

So is the alternative – which basically amounts to taking chances.

I looked up the synonyms for risk – danger, exposure, uncertainty, peril, hazard, jeopardy, gamble. Sounds GREAT. No wonder we hide at home

When you interview for a new position – nervous city, dude. Staying where you’re at? Seems safe. Snacks, Movies, Living Room.

How about if you start changing the way you manage your work? Taking on new responsibilities, speaking out in meetings, letting everybody in the company find out what you really think and what you’re really capable of? Sound like a good time? Not so much. Better stay quiet, keep your head down, don’t fill out that employee survey. Cake, Re-runs, Standing at the counter in your Kitchen

Here’s the thing – there’s a limit on your potential. I know. Your life coach tells you that you can do anything. And you can. But you can’t do it from the laundry room. With a fistful of potato chips. You have to take a risk. We all have a limit, something that’s holding us back – and the only way past it is to take a chance on something new.

Here’s an example of one of mine. I couldn’t see the difference between what I was doing in my job and what other people who were one level up were doing. I just couldn’t see it. So, I didn’t know how to work above my level. Working at the next level is always something I aspire to, but I was limited by my ability to discern the skills that were needed, the actions that were being taken. I really couldn’t see what I needed to change.

Until I took a risk.

I looked up the synonyms for risk – opportunity, possibility, prospect, fortune, fortuity, luck. Now those, sound pretty good right?

Here’s the wickedly interesting thing: the risk seemed totally unrelated. I started a side hustle.

Starting a side hustle meant I was way busy. It meant changing my personal schedule and remaining committed to my primary employer. In no way did I want my day job to suffer. I wanted to be excellent there AND at home.

Things started to slip. Not huge, just a bit. At home, at work, at other work, with family. RISKY STUFF. Scary. I thought maybe I should get a box of cookies and quit everything. Get safe again. But I didn’t.

What happened? As things started to get out of my control, I had to look for a way to handle these new challenges. I had to start thinking about why I was struggling. I talked to my manager, who is way smart. I worked with my coach. I had an ah-ha moment. In order for me to handle all these challenges and not sacrifice my health, my sleep or my performance, I needed new skills. Now that I was neck-deep in a challenge, I could see exactly what I needed to learn. I needed to learn how to get out of the trouble I was in. I needed the skills that the people just ahead of me on the path have – and they got those skills by overcoming obstacles – like how to work smarter instead of harder – like how to get out of the way of their teammates so that they could start working on new skills of their own.

OOOOOH. Now I get it.

I couldn’t even see around the corner to understand that there was a path, never mind how it was laid out until I took a risk. Without taking a risk, you will never see the way past your current limitations.

So if you want to push your limits, you have to take risks. The two go hand in hand.

I looked up some synonyms for risk: contingency, flyer, header, openness, plunge, speculation, stab, venture, wager, and last, but not least…

Shot in the dark.

Take a chance. The couch will be there when you get home.

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How to Build a Great Day

Great Mornings, Great Work Days and Great Lives might happen by chance, but why not DIY?

This is one of my ten best mornings. That thought changed my life. It was a beautiful day and I was heading out the door to work when the thought crossed my mind. This is one of the ten best mornings of the year.

I stopped in my tracks. Ok, not literally. I still headed out to my car, put the key in the ignition and headed out. But mentally, I was stuck. Why, I wondered, was this such a great morning? I started to pick the last few hours apart. I’d woke up, had great coffee, meditated and listened to music while I dressed.

Making these things part of my regular routine was not a great intellectual leap once I’d uncovered this. Over the years, I’ve added to my routine, noticing what makes a great morning and what doesn’t. I can pretty much have a blast before work on any day I choose now. A great morning for me includes not checking my cell phone, sitting quietly on my cushion with my dogs curled up beside me, getting outside with one of them and walking or running – all accompanied by my favorite playlist. If I really want to have a perfect morning, I’ll eat breakfast on my deck and continue the music during my commute.

You build great mornings and days by noticing what’s working.

You can also build mental resilience – strong, positive thought patterns – by noticing what’s working.

How to work with positive events: 

First off, we need to notice and celebrate the positive in our lives.  Why not, right?  We certainly pay attention to the negative. 

Next – analyze what happened. Figure out how you were feeling at the time and what actions you were taking. Jot down what you were thinking. Replay the thought and double check it… when you think it again, does it give you the same feeling you had? If so, you have found the right thought.

Putting positive events through analysis is a very powerful activity.    Here’s why:  When you are really on, doing great and being your best self, you’re having feelings that feel great, you’re taking actions that pay off and getting great results.   So figuring out what you’re thinking is really helpful.  When things aren’t going well, we have to work hard to find believable ideas that we can use to help ourselves.   Well, the stuff we’re thinking on a great day is exactly that – believable thoughts that work.  It’s good to have them in our back pocket for when we need them. 

So make sure to catch those thoughts like fireflies and keep them in a bottle where you can see them glow.

To learn how to slow down your thinking and catch the thoughts that work, book a free session with me – here.

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When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Friends

If you tend to hunker down alone and grind out work during stressful times, you might want to rethink that.

Burnout isn’t a four letter word. It’s a seven letter word that can be fixed by another sever letter word – friends. Shawn Achor writes about his research on this topic in his book “The Happiness Advantage”. He found that during times of challenge and stress, the students who pulled back and upped their social connections fared better academically. The example he gives is students who, when faced with a challenging semester, organized group study activities with peers versus students who isolated themselves and crammed alone.

We tend to reduce our social connections when faced with stress and challenging demands, because, well, who has time?

As counter-intuitive as it sounds, reaching out to other people could be the action we’re better off taking. For instance, I can’t count the number of times, when faced with a challenging code problem, simply explaining the issue to a person unfamiliar with the project, led to finding the solution. When we explain or teach something to others, we clarify it for ourselves.

Here’s another example – as we work late into the evening, our ability to quickly turn out good work starts to fade, we grow fatigued, we make mistakes. Disconnecting and spending time with a loved one, reduces stress, increases happiness and that makes creative thinking easier. (For more, see my earlier blog.)

There’s a backlash effect that can happen when you chose to spend time with family despite heavy work demands. When we’re used to grunting it out in isolation, working longer and longer, with less and less to show for it (see this blog for more) – it can feel wrong to spend time with family on the weekend.

Avoiding burn out, in my experience, requires a strategy that insists on honoring our own needs and limits, supporting our decisions once they are made, and making conscious choices to invest in our relationships, even when we have a lot to do.

This looks like getting enough sleep, stopping when we’re tired, prioritizing the most important relationships in our lives and then not blaming ourselves for doing these things.

Bottom Line? During times of stress:

  • Don’t isolate, socialize
  • Don’t overwork – seek out family and friends
  • And for goodness sake, don’t indulge in guilt after the fact.

Never miss a blog. Sign up here for my Monday morning newsletter – “It’s Monday”. You’ll get information about new programs and offers, links to interesting videos and books all in your inbox.