Category: Stress

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The Opposite of Chronic Stress

Here’s a question… what is the opposite of fight or flight?
Is there one? You bet, and you can get more of it just by noticing what makes you happy.


Chronic Stress has an Opposite – and You Need It

You heard it here first folks. We all know that our amygdala fires during stress, sending chemicals through our system and triggering fight or flight responses. (If this is a new idea, check out my blog, here. ) But did you know, that there is a chemical response that fires when you’re happy that has its own evolutionary explanation?

Check out Barbara Fredrickson’s website. She coined the phrase ‘Broaden and Build’ to stand for the process that happens when serotonin and dopamine flood our brains. We know happiness feels good, but it also creates an evolutionary advantage– the ability to see broader concepts, be more creative, curious and social.

So What?

I’ll give you so what. So, people who are relaxed and positive engage in seeking, exploration and play. They build resources that can be drawn on later and that, helps them during times of stress and trouble.

Think about it. Imagine you’re living in a hunter-gatherer society. If you’re not running from cougars or out killing bison, assume you’re hanging around with other tribe members, picking out the odd blackberry or two and just chillin’. Being able to creatively figure out something to do with that rock you just chipped a flake off of by kicking it … might lead to arrowheads. Being curious and open to exploration might pay off later by having a good mental map of the area. Either of those could be the difference between life and death.

Fast Forward to Today

Why does this matter? If you are spending your days viewing the work environment as a hostile place, then your brain will automatically send out chemicals that narrow your focus. During times of stress, we didn’t need to be wandering around exploring, fiddling with rock chips and bonding with tribe members. No way. We needed to be watching for big predators and getting ready to run, or fight, or hide. See that? If you’re stressed, focusing on your main project will be harder, you will be more easily distracted and you’ll have a hard time seeing the big picture or making creative leaps.

If you are spending your days viewing your work environment as a place that lets you provide for your family (gratitude), a place where you get to tackle challenges (interest) and a place where you do something meaningful (pride), if you’re happy and engaged, then your brain is going to send out the explore and expand chemicals. And that means it will be easier for you to find answers to problems and devise solutions to those pesky issues like how to control emails.

AND…

It’s more likely you’ll go home on time.

What? How did I make that leap you ask?

Well… think about it. If you can see the big picture, you’re more likely to put work into perspective and consider your family and other life enhancing activities as important.

If you can make creative leaps, you’re going to be faster at solving problems, and if you’re happier, you just get to work. It’s true.

Every one of my clients that explores the difference in their behavior when they are negative and stressed versus when they are happy comes to the same conclusion – when they are happy, they work faster. Better yet, they discover that if they are happy, it results in better outcomes for everyone around them, including their employer. But don’t take my word for it, research bears this out too. Check out “The Happiness Advantage” by Shawn Achor if you don’t believe me.

Here’s the best news of all… getting happier is as easy as training your brain to scan for positive things in your environment. That’s right. Find three things that bring you joy every day and you’ll raise your overall happiness. Simple. Could be a hug from your kid, a great meal or a divine sunset. Scanning for, and finding, joy can start you on the path.

If you would like to have some help changing your perspective on work, I can help with that. Book a free 25-minute session with me to find out how. And meanwhile, check out the book “The Happiness Advantage” by Shawn Achor.

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Taking a Close Look at Negative Results

Your Brain isn’t out to get you new results…it’s busy in the kitchen looking for snacks.

Look, You Aren’t Stupid.

You know you have to change your actions in order to get different results, but why, oh why, is it so hard to do?

I know! Especially when you’re trying to change the actions you take in situations that repeat. Those are the worst. I sit at my desk and boom! An hour’s gone by. I’ve answered a ton of emails but I still don’t have my project done. Bummer huh?

Changing our actions, especially context driven actions, is really hard.

Most of us just vow to take new actions.

How’s that been working for you?

Me neither.

But, if we take a moment to reflect on the results we’re getting and the thinking that is leading us there, we can start to tie results to thoughts. We can start to change our thoughts, which will create new feelings and new results.

Here’s one of mine.

I used to think “I don’t even have a minute between meetings for a bio-break.” And that seemed to be true. I felt rushed and mistreated when I thought that. And I would go from meeting to meeting, uncomfortable and, let’s admit it… a bit of victim about the whole thing.

OK… now that you’ve stopped laughing at me… let’s move on.

It’s funny, right? Because it’s clearly ridiculous. But that’s not the way it felt to me at the time. I felt bad. I was considering just not drinking any water all day. I couldn’t see another way out because I really believed that I didn’t have a single minute to spare. Worse yet, my results were proving that my thoughts were correct.

Hold the Circus Wagon, Spunky.

Then I said those words in a coaching session. Because my coach cares about my well being but doesn’t particularly believe everything I say and she isn’t being paid to sympathize with me, she asked me “Is that true?”

Um. Yeah?

Seems obvious, but to get to the point where she could ask me that, we had to know what I was thinking. And that is what a coach is for. If you would like to have a coach show you what you’re thinking … you can sign up for a free 25-minute session with me here. Click here. My goal here is to help other people the way my coach helped me. True dat.

She didn’t buy it. “What would you tell a team member with that problem?”

Huh. “I would never condone that kind of self punishment. I’d tell them, you take a break when you need a break. Everybody else is.”

Whoa. Wait a minute. So everybody else has time for a break. So, I must have time for a break?

I started to look at my thinking, feelings, actions and results from a more objective perspective. And, I started to believe that the results I was getting were unacceptable.

That was the turning point for me. I would never condone any human being enduring the results I was getting, so … I’m a human … and … therefore… I don’t condone those results for me.

Suddenly I had tied my outcome to a value (people shouldn’t be treated like that.) Then I changed my thinking.

So my thought became – Hey, my biological needs come first. That includes sleep, hydration, fresh air, sunlight, movement, and food. (You need those things, Dudettes – just in case you’re not sure.) When I think like that- I feel empowered and committed – to my own well being. And so I take action. I take care of myself.

Here’s the magic… when I started doing that, always taking care of myself – I did wind up being late. I started suffering the consequences of fitting in my basic needs.

I had new, much better problems. I was hydrated, well rested and felt comfortable – but I was a few minutes late to meetings.

So then my new thought was… how can I take care of myself and be on time? Do you see the beauty of that?

If I’m late and I don’t like the way that feels, I start to make it more important to end meetings early. But I don’t apologize for taking care of myself. And I don’t go back to believing I don’t have time for a pit-stop.

And that? Changes everything.

Next week – What is it like to work with a life coach?

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My Amygdala Made Me Do It.

Chronic Stress is like a Radio Station. You might not be able to control what station is on when you start the car... but you don't have to leave it there.
You might not be able to control what station is on when you start the car…
but you don’t have to leave it there.

Last week, I stated that our thoughts cause our feelings, and that’s true. However, there’s a whole category of feelings that arise before we even have a thought.

Disclaimer: There are a lot of areas of the brain engaged in collecting sensory inputs and shuffling them around in there. If you want to know the names of all of them, and how they all fit together, rock on. Just know you won’t find it in this blog.


Data is being smuggled into our brains twenty-four seven.

For our purposes, it’s enough to know that our brain is actively collecting information about the world around us and that information is not being brought in through the main command and control center.

This information cargo includes facial expressions, sounds, smells, tastes, physical feelings – basically everything your senses can detect. All that data is then compared to memories of emotionally charged events and, without your permission, elaborate defense systems are engaged, based on the level of the threat. When this happens, all we know is that we’re suddenly frightened, or angry, or stunned.

It’s like the military staged a coup in our head

It kinda did. No amount of thought work is going to prevent those protective systems from engaging – initially. But here’s the brilliant part –we can get very, very good at interrupting the process.

Here’s the deal. Once that defense system engages, a lot of stuff happens super fast. Our heart rate picks up, our digestive processes stop and our higher thought centers come offline – just for a hot second.

Think about it, when a bus is barreling down on you, standing around wondering – “Is that the airport shuttle? Will it to turn left just before it gets to me?” is a sub-optimal plan.

So the defense center shuts down your internal re-run of Frasier and sends you jumping back to the curb like your ass was on fire. Good deal – if there’s a bus coming.

Sadly, when we’re in a meeting and a micro-expression of fear flashes on the face of the guy next to us, our inner General MacArthur might decide to assume control of the bridge. What comes out of our mouth next, might not what we hoped for. Welcome to the human race.

Normally, when the defense system kicks in, we just go with it. We get upset, we fight back, verbally or physically, or we turn away, either by running or by withdrawing from the social setting. That can mean tuning out the rest of the meeting or obsessing about all the negative things that could come from the situation. This type of engagement keeps the defense system on high, keeps the hormones flowing and can create chronic stress and all its negative health implications.

The name of the game is “Stand Down, ASAP.”

If you would like me to help you calm your inner Viking and get your personal Einstein back in charge, sign up for a free 25-minute session by clicking this link –https://rockyourdayjob.as.me/free. It would be my pleasure, no strings attached.

The first alert system might not be under your control, but all the rest – absolutely is.

Tuning into the physical feeling of your amygdala firing can give you an edge. Get curious about your reactions.

When strong feelings arise spontaneously, like anger or agitation or simply a big fat impulse to run your mouth, stop and take a moment to notice how you feel -emotionally and physically. All this defense is being driven by hormones and we can notice how they feel in our bodies. And if you’re driving a big ol‘ negative feedback loop by ruminating on a problem? Brilliant – because you have plenty of chances to catch on to the sensation.

The next step is to train yourself to pause when you feel this, verbally identify the event and then wait for the hormones to dissipate. I’m such a nerd about this, that I actually say “I’m having an amygdala hijacking, just give me a moment.” And yes, that gets me some odd looks.

If you react by engaging with the emotions – yelling, running, arguing, asserting a brilliant defense of your rights – the hormone pump will keep running. If you wait patiently, the defense system will stand down, your amygdala hijacking will end and you can continue making logical decisions about how you want to respond to the world around you.

And that?
Can have a huge impact on your health and your relationships.

Next Week: Why your boss should be buying you a mattress.