Ok, so here’s a story.
Someone near and dear to me was at my home – lets’ call her Sally – and I was telling her about another person I know – let’s call him Zach. Now Zach, like all of us, is unique. One of the unique things about him is that he doesn’t really think linearly. I’m in IT and most of the time, we have a boatload of straight-line, if-else thinkers – and that’s a good thing. But Zach is different. He gathers in data and observations, sort of like a vacuum cleaner… whatever comes his way, winds up in his brain. Then, when he’s trying to solve a problem, he thinks for a while, and then, when he least expects it – WHAM – he has a full-blown answer. Even Zach can’t tell you exactly how he got there. Well… he can, but it’s a really twisty long story.
So I was telling Sally, very matter-of-fact, that since Zach isn’t a linear thinker, we understand this about him and we appreciate and work with that characteristic. Who knows what I was rambling on about… some project or something. I was making a point that we had a great idea for how to solve something… and I happened to include Zach’s role in the idea.
Sally became super-animated.
“That’s me!” She said.
“What’s you?” I looked around.
“No, I’m just like Zach. I think that way too.” Sally gestured broadly. “That’s what I do. It’s so hard!”
Now I was confused. Zach kinda makes it look easy.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s so hard to be a person that thinks like that because NOBODY thinks like that,” she said.
I kinda disagreed, I mean, I’ve made the odd creative leap now and again, but I kept that to myself.
“In meetings, I always feel like I’m on the outside, I have to prepare and prepare to be able to put out my ideas when for me, they just POOF.” She subsided into her chair, looking wistful. “It’s so cool that your place lets Zach be himself.“
Well. That was news. Sally seems like a person that has it all together. She’s successful, intelligent, creative – an excellent communicator. I would have never thought that she felt isolated and struggled to fit in, but that’s just what she went on to describe.
The next day, I caught up with Zach. I told him about Sally.
“Man, that’s just how I feel,” he said. “I feel like I just don’t fit in, there’s something I can’t just do. Sometimes I think I should change jobs or just find a way to be someone else, be like someone else.”
I was shocked. We needed Zach to be Zach. We need his perspective, his creative leaps, his … Zachness. I told him so. I let Zach know that we need him … to be him.
OK so that was my story… two smart, productive people… secretly suspect that the very thing that sets them apart at work… is a liability.
Sound familiar?
OK, pair that with gender, racial and cultural issues and you can see how damaging this can be. I mean… if your gender is a liability… there’s nowhere to go with that.
For a super-interesting listen, check out the life-coach school podcast #411 – “How to Overcome What You’ve Been Taught” Four amazing Asian coaches talk about understanding how culture impacted them and what they did to get to a place where they could be themselves.
Here’s the deal – It’s not OK to just welcome in people who have learned how to tone themselves down, wear the right clothes, or say the right things. That’s madness.
Did you just do a fist pump?
Good for you.
If that’s how we behave, we’re going to wind up with the same answers we’d get talking to a mirror.
Here’s the more interesting question though…is it OK for YOU to be yourself?
Is it?
How comfortable are you in your own skin?
It’s not easy to go to work and be yourself. Our brains are literally programmed to prevent us from doing that stuff.
What choice do you really have? I mean really. Who else can you be?
When we fail to find the compassion to welcome others openly and celebrate their differences, we limit how far we can go as a team, as a company, and .. dare I say it… as a country.
Equally so, when we fail to find the courage to bring ourselves to work, just as we are, we limit how far we can go as individuals. We send a message to others that they, too, should follow our lead – sit more quietly in the corner – wear muted clothing – keep their voices down and their silly ideas to themselves. We send a message to ourselves that we are not enough.
That’s never true. You are always enough. You are different and your unique offering might be just the thing your team needs to find the best way forward – even if it takes you six weeks to put it in a PowerPoint.
So today, when you get to work… walk right in, sit right down- and dude, be yourself.
The world doesn’t just need more ideas… it needs different ideas. We need YOUR ideas.
And that? Is just good to remember.