Click play to hear the audio version of this week’s blog, read to you, by me. And yep, there’s a great intro.
Hey! You! What’s the next big milestone in your life? The way you answer that question can tell you a lot about where you are in developing the skill of dreaming.
I’m not talking about dreaming while you’re asleep. I’m talkin’ about the day-dreaming future building kinda musing.
Do you have big, vibrant ideas about where you’re headed? The kind that make you want to get up in the morning and get crackin’? I hope you do. Having a future vision and a clear conception of what that future would take to build and the motivation to take action can mean the difference between a life full of growth and meaning, and … well, everything else.
If that paragraph has you feeling left out, hang in there. From working with my clients, I see that they fall into several camps. See if one of these is you.
“I have no idea what future I want to build. How can I? All I want is to survive my job today.”
“I have a million ideas, but I don’t act on any of them.”
“I’m working toward finishing college. (Or buying a home, or finding my life partner) but all my friends are further ahead than I am. I’m not even sure the American Dream can be mine, never mind my personal dreams.”
“I couldn’t list 25 things I’m moving toward if you paid me.” (See my blog on this – here.)
Look, we’re told from the time we can formulate a full thought that we can be and do anything we want.
And then? We’re told that what we want isn’t practical. We’re told that what we want isn’t the kind of thing we can do, because, hey, we’re not that guy. Or we just have a few things we need to get to first.
And then? Our American culture starts to hand us our list of milestones. Finish kindergarten, finish high school, college. Get a job. No, not that job. Get the one with the benefits, get a REAL job. Next, where’s your home? Your condo? What about a retirement fund? And by the way, where’s the 2.3 children and the spouse? Are you still working for peanuts? Get promoted.
For some of us, this is enough to send us into despair. We dream of hitting some or all of these and compare ourselves to our peers only to find ourselves failing. Discouraged and discontented, we struggle to just enjoy what we do have. That was me for a really long time.
By the time we manage to check off a bunch of those cultural milestones, we look up one day to realize that the children are out of the house and the only milestone left is the big 401K jackpot. A jackpot that we’re driving ourselves to fill up in advance.
Where’s our culture now? Happy to hand us a weak, second rate set of goals – a bigger house, fancier toys, upgrades on the stuff we already have. Eating tuna casserole? Try a tuna steak. Good stuff. Got a watch? How about one that can read your mind or at least your sleep patterns. Like to run? How about getting the latest cell phone and earbuds and serious shoes to make your run better?
No wonder my clients can’t think of a thing they want. Our culture has been doing it for them.
Here’s where it gets good. Turns out, you can use a dreaming process to start to lay out your own darn milestones. If you only do one thing today, do this first step – dream big.
To Dream – You Have To Go Big
This is always fun. Take off all the blinders. Put what-if aside. You ARE good enough and nothing has to make sense. Be impractical, be enthusiastic. Spend a whole commute or a whole exercise session or a whole hour on the porch thinking about all the fantastical things you might enjoy having, being, doing, or sharing. Dream up vacations. Dream up jobs. Dream lifestyles. Dream contributions. Dream salaries. Dream pets. Dream a body. Dream it all.
To Live a Dream – You Have to Pick One
This is the one that kills me. I always want to go after five or six at the same time. If this is you, get a coach. Picking one doesn’t mean you give up the others. Getting one done is the fastest way to get all of them. Every time I ignore this rule, things start to slide sideways. Pick one. Any one. Doesn’t matter. Achieving that dream will teach you how to get the next one done. Keeping them all going at once means that you’ll bail on one each time it gets tough. It’s a sure way to stagnate and prevaricate.
To Build a Dream – You Need Steps.
List out all the things that will stop you from getting to your goal. Then list out all the things you’ll have to do to overcome those obstacles. That’s your plan.
To Work on a Dream – You Need to Pre-Motivate
Pre-Motivate Dudette. You heard me. Waiting to feel motivated is the long-ass way around the dream building. Instead, list out what you are doing when you feel motivated. OK … and just before you do those things, what were you feeling? Uh-huh. And what did you think just before you felt that way? Turns out, we often feel motivated AFTER doing the thing we want to use motivation to get us started on. Why? Because once you’ve got your resume written, you start to think.. Hey, this is possible! And then? Well, since it’s possible, it’s pretty motivating. Pre-motivation is thinking the thoughts and having the feelings that precede taking action. Thoughts like “That’s it! I’m going to buckle down and do this!” and feelings like focus or commitment drive action. For some of my clients, it’s thoughts like “I don’t need to be perfect. I just want to see if I can do it” and feeling curiosity or excitement.
In all these years of coaching, I don’t think I’ve ever had a client say they felt motivated before they were already taking action. The feeling that I see most frequently preceding action? Curiosity. Second most common? Excitement.
Turns out curiosity motivated the cat. Waiting for motivation just drove it to the nursing the home.
If I confused you, sign up for a free 25 minute session here.
To Keep Going on a Dream – Dream Ahead
And here we are back again. It’s time to dream. Imagine yourself already having achieved your goal. How would that future person act if they were doing what you’re doing?
This is tricky one. For instance, if I want to be a full-stack developer, I’ll have to learn to code and stay current on the never-ending, always accelerating changes in language and design. Today, it’s quite daunting to consider taking the classes, doing the reading, lobbying for a chance to work on something new. But … if I actually was a full-stack developer, what would I think about the learning curve? Probably, I’d think it had been challenging, but I’m proud of what I did. If I had to take that angular class again, it would be no problem. I could retake it standing on my head.
That’s the magic dreaming we need to do in the middle of pursuing a dream. Really try to live today as if you’re already there. Not fake it ’till you make it. But rather, with the willingness and ease of mind that you’ll have, with the perspective you’ll have in the future. Spend a little time with your future you, getting to know her. After all, you’re going to be her soon.
WHY BOTHER? This dreaming stuff is a lot of work!
Here’s why. When my clients dream about their future, they set new goals and break out of ruts. Their lives get more interesting. Their zest for life and their confidence go up.
When I focus on a single goal and take action, I feel better that very day. Simply getting a bit of accomplishment under your belt and taking some concrete steps is a great way to beat the blues… and seriously, don’t we all have them just a little bit right now?
You can have a big, beautiful life. You can decide what milestone you want to achieve and you can live a life of continuous growth. It’s work. Sure it is. So is getting to the mailbox after spending four weeks on the couch. Which work do you want to have?
When you have goals, dreams, curiosity, a sense of adventure, and something to get up for? Man, that’s gold. That’s a dream. That’s your life with meaning and purpose.
And that? Is just a better way to work.
“To live a dream you have to pick one. Keeping them all going at once means that you’ll bail on one each time it gets tough. It’s a sure way to stagnate and prevaricate.”
That’s an eye opening thought. Thanks.