Look, work is hard, right? Being out of work, looking for work and having work – we’re talking difficult situations, regardless of which boat you’re in now.
Whether you’re overworking, underworking or struggling to find or keep a job, in every case, you’re going to hit up against a belief. The belief that you have to know the solution before you get to the results. Not so, Sparky.
I know exactly what it feels like to hamstring myself by tying together things that can be independent.
I was a woman who wanted to be “She who never wonders what to wear.” The experience of walking to my closet each day and trying outfit after uncomfortable outfit, was balled up so tightly in my head with being overweight that I actually believed that I couldn’t have any other experience until I lost weight. It simply didn’t occur to me that you don’t have to be thin to have seven outfits that look good and fit.
I used to have twenty-five percent of my salary tied to credit card debt. Along with my mortgage and a car payment, that pretty much meant we were always one paycheck away from financial failure. I didn’t think I could change that. I thought you had to born with the miserly Scrooge gene in order to be debt-free.
I had my experience of being utterly miserable in my job. I believed that my boss had no idea what I did all day, had no time to understand it and basically, disregarded me. I felt the amount of work on my plate was more than anyone could ever do and I believed that I didn’t have the political clout to help our team. I was miserable because of my work.
It’s easier to see when we’re talking about frumpy clothes and harder to see when we’re talking about work but in each case, a belief that was connecting two unrelated things was holding me back.
I believed I had to be skinny to have clothes I liked.
I believed I had to be born with a talent for money to get out of debt.
I believed that my boss, my company and my workload had to change for me to be happy.
None of those was true.
I have stayed inside a dressing room long enough to hear the canned music tape play completely through three, count ’em, three times. No lie. Turns out, if you’re willing to spend several hours inside a clothing store, trying on every style, in every size, you can emerge as “She Who Never Wonders What To Wear”, even if you’re a size 16 – or 2XL – or a size 2.
I have also been thunderstruck with the thought – What If Money Is A Skill? Whaaa?? I have read dozens of books on personal finance. Turns out, with patience and time, you can get out of debt without living in a tent or starting a farm. Who knew?
It’s also true that you can be happy, at work, at the job you have now. I learned to love that exact same job I described. I did it because I wondered if I could be happy doing anything and I set out to find out if that was true.
Just like getting out of debt, or finding nice clothes that fit, getting happy where you are is a matter of trial and error. To get happy I did all sorts of things. I made a playlist of in-your-face music to listen to on the way to work. I played it every day… Drive by Incubus, Happy by Pharrell Williams, Taking Care of Business by Bachman Turner Overdrive and 51 other songs that made me feel in control and ready to take on my day. I left on time for a week straight just to see what would happen. I figured out what I loved and was good at and did those tasks first, forcing myself to find ways to offload work or make the dull stuff more efficient. I spent a week saying no to three things every day. I listened to management and leadership books. Basically, I kept trying stuff until I found what worked for me.
One day, as I was walking out of the office, on time, I passed the desk of a dear friend. I knew she was deeply unhappy and I also knew she didn’t have to be that way.
I coach, I bother with all this because I’m profoundly certain that you can be happy. I want you to know that you can be deeply satisfied, right where you are.
Don’t, please, please don’t chain your joy to your desk.
The two things don’t depend on each other. Don’t wait for things to change. Try things -things I suggest and things you think of for yourself.
There is nobody on the planet who can tell you where your path goes, or how you make magic in your life. Nobody. You are so incredibly unique and perfect, and so amazingly yourself, how can anyone know what fantastic direction you’ll go?
If you chain your joy to your desk, if you wait for your job to make you happy, you are missing the race. You are missing the path. You are sitting down on the path. And that’s OK but please, if you’re not happy there, don’t stay there.
And I don’t mean leave your job. By all means, stay there, until you figure out how to be happy at that job. Even has you fail at things, you can be happy. Even out of work, keep trying new ways. Find ways to feel joy, even as you struggle, fail, and triumph. Once you do that, nothing is chained to your desk, not you, not your happiness, nothing.
And that, is just my wish for you.
If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure