Drop Into Direct Experience

OK, short & sweet today.

So many of my clients have their days derailed by simple stressors, I thought I’d do a short blog about how to decouple the current moment from all that ails you at work.

What I mean by basic stressors are things that occur on the regular. Something more subtle than COVID-19, or financial hardship or major depression.

Here are some examples:

• A project you’re supposed to work on right at this time that is difficult, time-sensitive, or has you holding back from it.
• Repeating thoughts about one of your not-so-great moments
• Repeating thoughts about worries or concerns
• A sense of pessimism, mild anxiety, general distraction, discomfort or dislike

Your day goes sideways and you find yourself clicking on web links, wading through emails or hopping up to get water, coffee, a snack. In the old days (about 6 weeks ago) you might have wandered down the aisle to chat but now, you let the dog out, check your phone or the news.

Dropping into direct experience takes you out of your head and back into the immediate present moment. Doing this is unexpectedly soothing. The more you practice dropping into the moment, the easier it gets.

What is direct experience?

Direct experience is when you are engaging with the world around you with as few labels as possible. In a Zen story, the leader of a monastery placed a jar of water on the ground. He asked his monks to tell him what it was without naming it. Whoever passed this test, would get to be the head of a new monastery.

One monk said it was not a sandal. Other monks tried and failed to answer to the leader’s satisfaction. The cook came out of the kitchen, walked over to the jar, and kicked it over. The cook was made the head of the new monastery.

That’s direct experience. It’s the difference between reading a book about a boy and his puppy and actually living with a dog. It’ s the difference between watching a movie about the ocean and standing in the water. When you have your feet in the cold water, and it’s moving, splashing and withdrawing, you understand what the beach is. When you fall off a sailboat two miles from shore, you understand what the ocean is. Whether you call it the sea, the Atlantic or the ocean is irrelevant. What’s meaningful is cold, salt, waves, motion, air, buoyancy and if you know how to swim. The label is absolutely superfluous.

That’s direct experience and you can use it at your desk to help you focus and reduce stress. Because when you directly experience where you’re at, all the rest drops away just for a moment and you get a mini reset.

If you want to experience life coaching for yourself, sign up for a free 25-minute session here.

Here’s four ways to do to a direct experience reset:

Where am I?

They say a monk used to wake up in the morning and call his own name. No, he wasn’t senile. He wanted to center himself in the moment. He was asking himself to pay attention to where he really was. I use this technique all the time. It’s my favorite fall back to sleep method. Check out my blog, “Your Boss Should Buy You a Mattress”. Basically, all you do is ask yourself, “Where am I?” Answer with concrete details. I’m in my office, typing on a black and white keyboard, sitting in a small chair, in my home, at 6:18 pm on Sunday. That’s where I am right now. It’s a great way to remind myself that I want to get this done in a short time, and that I’m here for a purpose. Asking yourself “Where am I?” reminds you that what is really happening, is what is really happening, right now, in the room, where you’re standing. Right now, in this place, you’re OK. Right now, you are exactly where you should be, where all the actions and events have led to. Right now, where are you?

Where am I? I’m in the hospital where I work, standing outside a patient’s room.

Where am I? I’m in my home, in front of my PC, sitting in a chair..

Where am I? I’m in my bedroom with my blanket over me.

Find the Future and the Past

I’ve done several meditation sessions where I simply look for the future. Sitting on my cushion, I ask myself to point to the future. Can I see it? Can I smell it? Is it here, with me? Where is it? if I needed to send someone there, could I? Where is this future?

Try it. Right now, look around you for the future.

When you literally look for it, it can’t be found. You have to actually do this exercise, not just read about it. Do this a few times, set a timer for ten minutes or so, sit on the floor, back straight, and quietly, with your eyes open, without speaking, keep asking yourself where the future is and see that quite literally you can’t find it. Do the same thing looking for the past. For me, I have a sensation that is very specific when I do this exercise and having spent a couple ten-minute sessions at this, I can recall that sensation quickly.

Asking yourself where the future is helps out when you’re anxious or worried. It gives you the direct information that whatever you’re worried about has not happened, is not set in stone. Quite clearly, you are made aware that you are just hypothesising about something that may, or may not, happen.

Asking yourself where the past is, helps out when you’re replaying a painful event. The people who were there, are gone. The things you said and did, are over. Right now, all that is gone and right now, you are fine.

String of Pearls

The string of pearls exercise takes the concept of Where am I? and ties it to finding the future and the past. The idea is that each moment is a direct experience and each moment follows the next like pearls on a string. One is moment rolling toward you, while the current moment passes away. In each moment, you are still OK. Sit quietly for just sixty seconds, asking yourself “Where am I?” each time you breathe in. Notice your hands, the weight of your body, the placement of your feet, the area before your eyes and the sounds you are hearing. Notice that right now, you are fine. Notice that right now, the future moment hasn’t yet arrived and the past moment has rolled away, dropping off the string. In each moment, you are fine.

5 Senses Exercise

I adore this exercise. For the full version, please check out Dr. Susan Albers – 50 ways to soothe yourself without food. Right now, where you are at, stop and listen. Name five sounds you are hearing. – Dog bark, TV in another room, the hard drive, the sound of the keyboard, the dishwasher. Now name five things you see. Name five things you feel with your body, five things you smell, and five colors you see.

For me, sometimes I only smell one or two things. When you are done, you and your worries will have had a break from each other.

Why Bother?

By the time you finish one or more of these exercises, the thoughts that were causing you anxiety, or were circling in your head or making you want to escape will have had a time out. You will have reconnected with the fact that right now, you are OK. Tomorrow, you might catch a virus. Tomorrow you might have an unexpected bill that you can’t afford. Yesterday, you might have said something foolish and chances are, you are the only one still thinking about it. Yesterday you made a mistake but you’re not making one now. In an hour, or a half-hour, or a week, a problem might arise, but it’s not here now.

And that? Is just good to experience.