Let’s face it. You spend a lot of time with you. When you walk into your workspace each day, there you are. Maybe you’re facing the reality of being out of work during a pandemic. Maybe you’re facing down an uncertain future in your industry right now. We all feel pressure to up our game if we want to create a soft landing for ourselves and our families.
When you check in with your own thoughts about where you’re at right now from a work perspective, do you get some great feedback? Or is it more like talking to panic-stricken person with some serious mind issues going on? Yeah? Join the club. Now ask yourself, what results would you get each day if you heard less of that internal panic talk?
I was on the phone with a family member this week and got a bit of a kick in the pants. As we discussed some important deadlines looming on the horizon, she must have said five different times – I can’t make myself do it.
As a family member, it would be nice if I just sympathized. My coach’s ear caught that phrase and it stood out like a neon sign. Not only for her but for myself. I could clearly see how I can’t make myself do it was a recurring, self-fulfilling thought that was never going to get her anywhere. Even as I got ready to break the news to her – Sorry, that’s a lie. You currently haven’t made yourself do it is more truthful. – I was looking into my own mind for examples of where I’d fallen down on the job for myself.
There were plenty of ‘em. Of course. Because I’d been all wrapped up in finishing a large endeavor and I hadn’t been giving my mind a clean sweep on the regular. I found these wonderful mind-gems:
I’m gaining my weight back.
There’s no way that team is going to undo that mistake I made.
I don’t know if I’ll make my deadline.
There’s nothing I can do to fix it.
I totally love how my brain has to lead with my weight before I get to the real issues – not.
As an outside observer, it was pretty easy to see that my family member who was constantly thinking – I can’t make myself do it – was going to wind up not getting the work done. After all, her mind was going to find evidence for the thought (confirmation bias), and she was going to feel something– probably defeated or overwhelmed – and when she feels defeated, she probably acts in ways that get less done.
A life coach can help you work through this process quickly. If you would like me to help you – you can sign up for a free mini-session by clicking here.
For some people, thinking that they can’t make themselves do something might bring up feelings of anger or determination and that thought might get some different actions, but in general, if we think we can’t, we ususally prove ourselves right or at the very least, make it much harder to reach our goal.
Look, thoughts are the things that drive us. Most of the time, we think we’re in the driver’s seat but in reality, we’re riding shot-gun and it’s not a sunny day on a open road. It’s more like clutching the grab-handle and praying while the real driver, our thoughts, swoop and brake, speed and creep, pull off the road, make a u turn and then start fiddling with the dash.
Time to pull over and take the wheel.
How do you do this?
You stop the illusion that you’re driving when you’re not.
You make yourself aware of your thoughts and take control of them. Experienced meditators spend thousands of hours learning how to do just that. You don’t have that kind of time. You’ve got to find a job in a pandemic. You’ve got to finish your documentation, code a new module, analyze a totally new distribution pattern or design a way to make N95 masks out of macaroni. You’ve got work to do.
So instead of meditating (which is a practice well worth the time by the way) just get a sheet of paper and a pencil. Don’t do this on the keyboard. Hand, pen, paper. Now write. Write down all the bits of litter that’s blowing around in there. Don’t try to direct your thoughts. You’re not planning or giving yourself a pep talk. Write down what’s really driving you to distraction.
Don’t take all day with this, just a half of a sheet of paper is enough.
Now stop and take a look at what you wrote.
You’ve just taken thoughts out of your brain and made them objects. Analyze that stuff. Mark all the facts on the page. If you can’t prove it in court, it’s not a fact. Everything else is just a thought. Look at those thoughts. Everything that’s a thought, can change.
Now, work with the thoughts. Try to figure out where on the map they’ll get you.
Here’s mine
- I’m gaining my weight back. ( fear, eat in response to fear, gain weight – not great.)
- There’s no way they’re going to undo that mistake I made. (frustration, fuss and fret, I don’t try to fix my mistake)
- I don’t know if I’ll make my deadline. (worry, assume the worst, bake a cake, I don’t try to hit my deadline)
- There’s nothing I can do to fix it. (give up, stop working on it, bake a cake)
So for me, all roads lead to cake. Are you surprised to learn I have a beautiful chocolate cake on my counter? I’m an excellent cook, so it’s awesome – but it’s not helpful.
Once you’ve seen where your thoughts are taking you, it’s time to reframe. Rewrite a couple thoughts. Note where they will take you by thinking about how you feel and act when you think them.
- Lady, it’s totally possible to live through a pandemic without eating a cake. (amused, motivated, wash the damn grapes and go for a walk)
- I have no clue what the other team is going to do so I’d better be prepared. (focused, determined, put the finishing touches on my product)
There it is. I feel motivated to be healthy and focused on my objective.
Recap:
- Thoughts can change
- They are really hard to change when you don’t objectify them.
- You can get there faster with a mental sweep
- Journal with a purpose – sort fact from thought and analyse them.
- Rework a few
- Ride with your best self
How are your thoughts about what you have planned derailing you? To get back on track, get those thoughts out of your mind.
Ok, ready to take the day by the wheel and drive? Go to it dudette. You got this.
And that? Is just a great feeling.