Month: March 2020

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The R-Word

Social media not reflecting your reality right now? Here’s how to use restraint to help.
Click on the recording to hear the blog. There’s riff on why a coaching session is like sanitizer for your brain.

Welcome to another week of the new normal.   I’ve received some emails from people praising all the time they’ve spent with their family now that we’re all under shelter in place rules.  Social media has been full of suggestions about what we can do with all this free time we’ve got on our hands.  Am I the only one who hasn’t all of a sudden had more time to read or walk my dogs? 

I’m pretty sure there are a lot of us out here feeling more pressure than ever before.

If we’ve got our kids home from daycare or school, then we’re trying to keep them studying, learning, praying they don’t fall behind, all while we’re either working from home or worse yet, not working at all.  

If we’re still showing up on the job, and a lot of us still are, then there are all the extra precautions. We are changing our clothes before we join the family, maybe we are trying to live separate from the family and sleeping in the guest room, or living in the garage, trying to keep our families safe. For some of us, we can’t make that choice because we have to come home and care for our families.

Once you get past that, there’s the fear.  The other night my husband was soundly sleeping while I lay awake.  I heard him cough in his sleep.  As I lay there in the dark, I wondered if I’d brought home the virus with me.  He’d been home, isolated, for over a week, but I hadn’t yet started to work from home.  There in the dark, I began to cry. What if my choice to go to work resulted in illness or worse for him?   My heart pounded in my chest, fear beating at my ribs. I thought: What have I done?

Look, today’s situation is not what any of us wanted, but it’s the road we’re on now. Like every other situation, we have many choices about how we think, feel, and respond.  It’s through mindfulness that we can start to pry out what our options are.   

It’s been tempting to dump my original plan for this year’s blog, but I’m not going to.  I believe the skills I’m showing you are as relevant today as they were a month ago.  I’m going to use business examples and also examples from the pandemic. So here we go.

Let’s talk about the R-word: restraint.  

We hate that word.  We don’t like to be restrained in our homes, and we don’t like to restrain ourselves from overeating, box in our time, constrict our choices, or restrict our actions. We want to be free, baby, free.

Take a good, long look at the dog in the photo above.  The harness and restraint are allowing the dog to ride in the car.  Using the harness system, he can safely experience a world beyond the four walls of his owner’s home.  So is it cruel to clip him into his seatbelt?  I think most of us can see that it’s an act of kindness.  It’s an opportunity.

That’s how I want to view restrictions- as gifts I give myself.  One thing I’ve learned is this – you never figure out how to change anything in your life until you restrict yourself somehow. 

Restraint opens up the gate to new ways of being, working, achieving, and sometimes, just surviving.

I think we all get how restricting ourselves in the short-term yields benefits in the long term.  Don’t smoke today, and you’ll be healthier tomorrow, eat less today, stay home today… all of these restrictions yield a greater good tomorrow, for ourselves or our communities.

Here’s what we forget about restriction – and this is what gives me hope in this terrible time – being not able, or not allowing yourself, to function as you have been, is the fastest door to innovation and change.

Right now, we can’t get PPE the way we always have.   Three months ago, if you had asked us how we would get it, I bet the answers you would have received would be the same circle of options  – federal stockpiles, common suppliers.  You wouldn’t have said Eclipse Mattress will start making and donating thousands of surgical masks.   You wouldn’t have said – you know what, we’ll get them from Facebook and Goldman-Sachs.

Being unable to solve a problem the way we always have before is exactly what generates new ideas, new hope. 

As the nation and every business owner on the planet tries to find ways to solve for the shortage of tests, the need for PPE, the need for ventilators, we can apply this same concept in our immediate lives.

For those of us trying to manage challenging schedules and increased demands, placing restrictions on how long we’re going to spend on a task, forces us to focus and come up with solutions that we wouldn’t even consider if just doing what we always did was an option. 

You’ll see this in business when managers use restraint by taking opportunities off the table.  It’s not an option to deliver after the deadline, now what?  They might further restrict the conversation by saying it’s not an option to work ourselves more than 50 hours a week, so now what?  How do we create the product without overworking?

At first, our brains resist this.  It’s not possible, we think.  We’ll have to work eighty hours a week.  If we relent and allow ourselves to work that many hours, our brains are actually satisfied.  What we believed has been proven true.  We didn’t need to expend any effort on a new idea.  Sneaky, huh?

To use restraint effectively, you have to honor that restraint far more times than you allow yourself to blow through it.  You know this from dieting, from quitting smoking.  

What we forget is: before we exercise restraint, we can’t yet see the how.

Before I quit smoking, I couldn’t imagine how I could get up, have coffee and leave for work without a cigarette.  I literally, couldn’t think of how I might be able to do that.

Now that I’m tobacco-free for over 20 years, I see exactly how it’s done. 

That’s the thing.  You have to be able to believe in the future you can’t yet see, in order to accept the current restraints and start working on “What now?” “How next?”

You can apply this same thing to your current situation. For any obstacle you’re facing, your brain will offer you better solutions when you restrict your options.  Keep taking the unpalatable solutions off the table until you find a solution that sounds good.  Then try it.  If it works, great.  If not, the answer isn’t to go back to the unpalatable solution, the answer is to come back and look for another good answer.

If you want help working with these tools, schedule a free session here.

Restriction isn’t just a tool for

  • Changing behavior now for a future goal (diet)
  • Finding creative solutions to problems (when familiar solutions don’t work)

There’s a third use for this powerful tool.  You can put restrictions on your mindset.

Laying there in the dark, feeling afraid was not the end of the story for me.  I had a choice at that moment.  Changing the past was out of the question; changing how I viewed my past was. 

For those of you on the front lines, you are making choices every day.   Do you reuse your mask?  Do you walk off the job? Do you send your children to a relative? Do you speak out on TV about what’s happening? Do you go into one more room? Help one more patient?  Do you show up at your register and or do you call out sick?  If you’re in IT, do you go in and fix the machines that are needed by the folks working from home?  Do you show up and ship things? Deliver things?

If you are a front line worker and need a safe space to clear out your thoughts and feelings, schedule a free session here.

For those of you laid off, you are making decisions about what to do with your limited resources.

All of us, we’re making decisions every day during a time in which none of us know what will happen next.

Here’s what you can absolutely restrict right now.  You can promise yourself that you will not go back and condemn yourself for your choices.  You can restrict yourself to making conscious decisions about what you’re going to do, why you’re doing it and then, no matter what the result is, you can commit right now that you won’t waste a minute using your choices to beat yourself up.

My team had a job to do.  Part of that job was to keep showing up to work until we were sure that the equipment our company needed to be in place was set up.  I am married to, and in love with, an at-risk man.  I looked at the options, I took every precaution that made sense to me, and I did what I believed was right. 

In that same situation, with no new information, I would do the same thing.  So there in the dark, I had a choice.  Was I going to lay awake and worry, blame myself and make myself sick over it or was I going to own my choice and stand by my decision?

Neither option was going to change the past.  Neither option was going to make me a saint.  I let all the recriminations go.

I restricted my thoughts to the present moment. What was happening right now?  In the moment, we were both just fine. 

And that? Was just good.

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Lead On

We’ve got a master class in leadership going on. Are you watching?
Click here and listen to the blog. I riff on the Brain Clean Up Coach and how to get free coaching.

Covid-19. How are the leaders around you handling it? Like all of you, I’ve been watching the news and seeking out information. How bad is it in our state? What are the new rules? What do I need to do to help the company I work for? What can I do as a life coach to help?

I’ve also been catching too much of the 24-hour cycle, listening and searching for anything new or useful.

Beyond all that, I’ve been attending to my own visceral reaction to the ways people are leading. Life coaching and mindfulness work give me a skill – the skill of being the observer at the same time I’m the participant. Not all the time, naturally. I fall into habit patterns and run my mouth when I ought to take a breather, just like everyone else. Sometimes, though, I am both reacting to information and situations and observing those reactions at the same time. I’m sure you do the same.

Right now, I’m paying close attention to the leaders that are emerging. In times like this, when the unexpected is up against the unimaginable, the leaders among us become visible.

“I am reminded how hollow the label of leadership sometimes is and how heroic followership can be.”
— Warren Bennis

Right now, we can see where there are gaps in leadership, where there are urgent needs, and where hard choices are being made. There are people stepping in to solve problems, to make decisions and to coordinate action and we can clearly see who our leaders are.

“All of the great leaders have had one characteristic in common: it was the willingness to confront unequivocally the major anxiety of their people in their time. This, and not much else, is the essence of leadership.”
— John Kenneth Galbraith

Right now is our time to act and our time to learn. Here are a few of my observations –

  • It doesn’t much matter what your role is. Far more important is that you understand your role. The people with a clear understanding of the function of their position and the demands they need to meet are the people we’re cheering for. Anybody standing up and clearly stating the priorities, the strategies and the tasks that will accomplish objectives is looking like a superhero right now. That’s pretty interesting isn’t it? That means that each of us has that opportunity to be clear, direct and on target, working for the most critical and impactful outcomes at this moment in history.
  • It’s crazy important to communicate – early and often. Humans are extremely resilient and flexible. So it’s interesting to notice that leaders who established a predictable pattern of communication early on, earned trust, even when they have to correct or recommunicate information. Turns out, if people believe you are committed to keeping them informed you earn trust. If you have trust, then you have leeway, you have a partnership.
  • Facts, man. Facts. Compare communications from officials in which there are no facts to those where the communicator provides facts. Notice your reaction. For me, when the speaker can’t pull a single fact out to share, their message loses meaning for me.
  • Clear priorities. Notice the leaders who indicate clearly what the priorities are. Notice your reaction to them. I find myself buying into that commitment and far more willing to go along with their suggestions. For instance, staying home and learning to play the fiddle when I’m pretty sure I’m about to miss out on my last chance to buy a ring-ding.
  • Meaningful steps clearly laid out to achieve a meaningful goal. Do you want to save health care workers? I’m in. Is step one washing my hands? I’m in. Is step two donating money to hospitals? Done. Is step three sewing masks? Google and sewing machine, done.

Yeah. So what?

Notice something here. Having priorities, knowing the steps needed to take, having a clear understanding of your job function, communicating regularly and double-checking your facts – are all things you can do.

Yeah. You.

This list is just what I’m noticing. Leadership is one of those things, like art – you know it when you see it. That means that what resonates with me, won’t be perfectly aligned with how you define leadership. Doesn’t matter.

Here’s what matters – leadership, at a time like this is critical. Step on up. Lead yourself. Lead others. Bring everything you’ve got to the game and go all in. Now more than ever we need you to lead on.

And that? Is just good to do.

If you would like to schedule a free coaching session with me, just click here.

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This, Too, Shall Pass

Preparation, collaboration, and mindset are the keys to any risky endeavor.

This is the third blog I’ve written for March 16, 2020. I wrote my planned blog and the events of the week convinced me I needed to provide something more useful. Then, I wrote a blog about productively working from home. Last night, when I awoke at three am, I changed my mind. Today, I’m going to tell you a story.

The entire blog, read for you, right here. Just click and go.

Today I’m going to tell you a story. Back in late 1990s, I quit smoking. To celebrate my accomplishment, I decided to return to the White Mountains of New Hampshire and retrace a hike I’d done with my stepfather long before.

I was out of shape, every mile was a challenge and my gear? Let’s just say it lacked sophistication. Let’s just say most of my clothes were made of cotton.

I stayed a hut the first night. After dinner, I took out my maps and decided to reroute my descent. I didn’t think I could go down the way I came up. I found a trail that had elevation lines broadly spaced most of the way to the valley. It was long but it promised an easier descent. Seeking advice from the most experienced hiker I could find, I received confirmation that, yes, this would be an easier way down.

What I didn’t factor in was that this hiker was fit, well equipped and to him, any trail in these mountains was a cakewalk. He’d hiked all over the planet.

Another thing I didn’t consider was that the trail, long and lacking in dramatic views, was unpopular. I was hiking down on a Monday. By the end of the grueling and devastating day, I would understand how important that was.

Here’s what happened. I set off and summitted Mt. Washington. Then I turned and headed down the Osgood trail. I descended gradually, gaining the treeline quickly. Looking ahead, I noticed a change. Next to me were tree trunks. Ahead of me were treetops. Tops. As in, the trail dropped sharply, by the height of the trees.

Approaching the drop, I realized I was alone, I couldn’t navigate the descent ahead with my pack on, and the drop was substantial. I removed my pack and dropped it down the short cliff, turned and clambered down.

All that long, frightening day, I repeated this, each time becoming more aware that if I were injured in a fall, I might not be found for several days. Each time I tossed my pack ahead of me, each time my boot slipped on the rocks, each time I missed a handhold, my armpits prickled, my heart rate jumped and my focus narrowed.

Any backpacker can tell you, it’s the descent that kills you.

By the time I reached the bottom and turned onto a sandy, flat trail back to my car, my legs were so sore I could barely walk. I’d spent hours alone, in sheer terror. I stood at the top of a shallow ditch and realized that walking the four steps down and back up was almost beyond me. I burst into tears. Since I was only a few yards from the car, you can imagine the looks I got.

I usually get a laugh when I tell it. Picture me, an overweight woman with a world war two backpack standing in her floral cotton pants, crying because she can’t bear the thought of navigating a drainage ditch. Frankly, at the time, I was chuckling and crying. After all, I was safe.

What I learned that day was that my mind could become an anchor, a weight that made every step harder. I understood that with a different mindset, that same trail would be a much easier go. I also understood that if I wanted to try it again, I’d need a hella betta plan.

Backpacking is a sport of isolation, collaboration, and most of all, mitigation planning. You have only so much you can carry, so every item counts. Once you’re out into the wild, you’ll only have what you’ve brought. You learn pretty quickly to plan for every eventuality and you go out into the wilderness anyway.

Thursday, I went grocery shopping. Grim-faced people silently pushed their carts through the aisles. Apples were in great supply. Bananas were gone. I had my choice of every potato chip known to man, but if I wanted rice or beans, I was going to have to act fast. Overnight, people had changed their basic behavior. I noticed my mindset shift with each passing aisle. By the end, I felt a strong urge to buy enough for a month, to put back my normal food and stock up on high-calorie proteins, I wondered if I’d regret paying for a luxury item. I was planning on how to ration my two week supply so it would last two months. I bought yeast in case I had to bake our own bread. I mourned the lack of powdered milk. I paid eight dollars for a pack of bathroom wipes. I’d been here before. This was the Osgood trail again. I had a mindset problem.

If you would like a free coaching session this week, please don’t hesitate. Click here and book it. If you would like free coaching but not from me, please email me at Amy@RockYourDayJob.com. I’m part of an amazing community of generous coaches, many of whom are offering free support during this virus. Let me hook you up.

When faced with the unknown, plan, plan, plan and then – work your mindset.

This week, our children will be home from school. Corporate America is reviewing and modifying their business continuity planning to respond to the unprecedented challenge of Covid19. Teams are moving to a work-from-home model, while others are stepping into the breach. Our elderly neighbors are frightened and need supplies. Others are unable to care for children and work; their paychecks at risk. Small businesses, which rely heavily on steady cash flows, will reel from the blow to their income and many will not recover. Performance artists have watched their industry vanish. Families are separated from their members in long term care. It’s pretty grim stuff. We’re all taking off our backpacks and dropping them over a cliff, praying we can navigate safely to the next challenge.

In backpacking, when faced with risky terrain, it’s key not to go it alone. Hiking in pairs, turning to help those behind you on the trail, pointing out unsteady rocks, is how you mitigate the risk of the trail. Supplying yourself sufficiently so you have a good chance at sustainability but not overpacking is critical. Hikers understand there’s no such thing as one-hundred percent safe. It’s not viable. Thinking out your next step but not being paralyzed with fear is a skill wilderness adventurers build step by step.

The good news is – all of this is available to us, right now, in this current situation.

At the end of the trail, however challenging, there’s a road home.

We all have so much control, right now, at this moment. You can plan. Plan how you think you’ll work from home today. What’s most important? How can you get that work done for sure?

You can predict – something will go wrong, kids will interrupt, things will get hectic. Decide now how you want to respond to the mental challenges you’ll face.

You can contribute – each of us can act as if we’re asymptomatic carriers – washing our hands, being mindful our how our actions impact those around us, the health care system and our emergency responders. There are so many things we can do to make sure we don’t add to the burdens of the people who step forward in times of trouble.

We can behave well. We can be kind and patient with each other. We can offer to grab some supplies for an elderly neighbor or friend, we can call people how are isolated. We can spend fifteen minutes listing all the useful ways we can contribute, and then we can act. Is there something you can do to help a person who works in healthcare? Can you feed their dog? What can you do to ease their burden?

Right now, you can take steps to make sure you stay healthy. Get enough sleep. Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect in the face of challenge and don’t turn away from a hand offered. Turn off the twenty-four-hour news cycle and consciously decide when you’ll check-in for more information.

Most of all, you can be kind to yourself. Manage your mind.

When I woke up last night at three am, this is what happened that made me change my blog –

Worries about the future flooded in. Supply chains, business continuity, what would I do next? I drew on my mindfulness skills, the same ones I’ve honed over and over since that day on the Osgood trail.

I asked myself – Where is the future?

Not what are the possible futures but where is the future, right now.

My mind, used to this question, went searching for it. In a very literal sense, the future doesn’t exist. It’s not here. Hitting that wall, the wall of the present moment, beyond which nothing exists yet, my mind relaxed.

Oh, yes, I thought. That’s right.

The future is not to be found here within this moment. It’s built moment by moment, with each breath and action we take. The future is malleable and it’s all under construction.

And that? Is just good to remember.

Work well, work smart, work for the common good.

Namaste, people. Be well.

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No Sacrificial Lambs

Would you kick this cute little guy in the face? 
Of course not.  So why are you doing that to yourself?
Looks like a long blog… take a shortcut and listen to it instead. Check out the pictures below first. Rock on!

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A few years ago, some friends and I hiked the John Muir Way, a trail that bisects Scotland.   The hike was fantastic.  It led us through pastures, fields, towns, and beside canals.  Did you know that you can smell the scotch in the air around a distillery?  I kid you not.   At one point, we spent a day passing fields of sheep.  It was May, so there were lambs.  If you’ve never been around ’em, they bounce around in little groups.  With different levels of curiosity and courage, these little cuties follow you along their fences and, sometimes, scramble underneath the wire and then scurry back inside. I was utterly charmed.

I also worried about them, I wanted to make sure they got back into their fields.   I wanted to engage with them; I couldn’t take my eyes off them.  One thing I didn’t want to do was put them in a cubicle and make ’em sit in a chair until their spines were misshapen and their eyesight went.

I wouldn’t do that to a lamb, but I’m all too willing to do that to myself. 

Why is that?

Today, let’s open up the Awareness Toolkit and take a look at unkind behavior towards ourselves.

Before we start, let me clarify here – we’re STEM people, we have projects and deadlines, we have bugs, defects, and production problems – sometimes, we just have to dig in and do the thing.  We have to fix it, finish it, or get it working again.

Collaboration is our lifeblood.  We know that investing in our social network is key to getting through difficulties, so we make sure we help out other people.  We brainstorm, listen to peers as they talk through an idea, or interrupt ourselves to help others hit their goals.  If we’re not doing this to some extent, we won’t succeed.

When we overdo these behaviors so that our health, relationships, or positive outlook suffers, then we’ve entered the dark zone of sacrifice.

For me, it’s the forced march.  I fall into the habit of working long hours without a break.   I forget to drink water, I resist getting up, I pile up snacks to give me little boosts of dopamine as I work to my own detriment.  I don’t notice that I’m getting less and less done, and I’ve crossed the horizon into diminishing returns.

For others, it shows up as giving up their own desires to say yes to other people.

It can show up as skipping lunch because you’ve accepted too many meetings.  Doing one little thing, to help someone, then another, then another, until you’re staying late to catch up.

We can fall into overdoing our good habits of determination and collaboration. Our thinking takes on a more extreme turn.

We think that something is more important than ourselves, we believe if we don’t complete this task or say yes to this request, the results will be threatening or even catastrophic.  We convince ourselves our value is tied to achievements.  Sometimes, looking at our current situation, we tell ourselves, just this one more time.  Next time, we’ll plan better.  Meanwhile, we’re staying later, we’re feeling resentful, and we can’t even list our results for the day.

Any of that sound familiar?  

Listen, lambkins, it doesn’t get better until you become aware of the issue and of the ways it goes wrong.

This behavior stems from a positive intention. We presume our self-sacrifice makes us team players. We’re tough, dedicated, and have the ability to go the extra mile.  At work, most of us want to be excellent.  We want to go above and beyond.   We also feel like none of this could have predicted.  This is the reality, we need to sacrifice for the good of the company.  True dat, right? NO!

Hey, I got it right this week… here’s the whiteboard of where we start on this journey.

Here’s what our behavior,

driven by this positive intention, looks like:

Changed or canceled personal time – we move our vacations, are afraid to plan them or take them, we miss birthdays or family celebrations, we get home just as the kids are going to bed.  Not only once or twice, but on the regular.

Forced Marches – Long hours, extreme effort, unrealistic expectations.  

I just did this last night. There were three of us working on a production issue, which we knew we could resolve, but the root cause would become obscured.   One of us had a hard stop that blew right by as we egged each other on, looking at one more thing, checking one variable, trying to get to the complete answer.  It was made worse because we already gathered sufficient evidence, an hour before, to prove the source of the issue.

Poor planning, lack of experience – when we run out of time on projects, or can’t deliver results, we don’t look like pros.  This is so hard to say because it kinda hurts me to admit it. 

As professionals, trapped in the go-go, can-do mindset, we don’t do the less glamourous work of continually reframing our MVP (minimum viable product).  If all our projects end up in a big push or fail to come in on time, we really owe it to ourselves and the company to demand that we step back and re-evaluate.  These issues are solvable, and we stop ourselves from finding solutions when we don’t require them.  I’m not saying it’s easy or that I have this solved – it crops up over and over – like crabgrass. The key is to face it – be aware.

Exhaustion, Stress, Resentment – I don’t think I have to explain this.  If you’re sacrificing your health, your sleep, the breaks that your brain needs to thrive, it’s going to show,  and you’re going to get cranky.

Falsely Helpful – Oh my, we’ve all met this person. We ask them for something, and it’s clear that they don’t have time to help.  We try to take our request back.  They won’t let go of it.  We apologize; they insist that there’s no need.   With a big, fake smile, they head off at a hundred miles an hour to do what we’ve asked, and we’re left there, feeling guilty.  Don’t be this person.  Just say no.

Being Kind to Yourself Is the Best Gift for your Team

Are you ready? Let’s turn this nasty cycle on its head. 

Go from Self-Sacrificing to Self-Affirming.

Here’s where we end up as we become aware of the consequences of sacrificing ourselves to work and move to a self-affirming stance.

 When we adopt a self-supporting attitude, we remind ourselves that our health and life priorities are first.  After all, we’re working for a reason.  I’m pretty sure it’s not a deep desire to drop dead at my desk while my family doesn’t even notice.  Sad to say, this has been a real possibility for me at times.   The good news is I’m aware of my propensity, and I’m not willing to live like this anymore. 

As we’re faced with challenges, in this new mindset, we tell ourselves, if I don’t finish, fix, solve, do whatever I’m tempted to sacrifice for,  then I’ll find another way.   We remind ourselves that there will always be another emergency, but there’s only one of us.  We can’t do anything well if we’re exhausted, miserable, or running in circles.  

Scary huh? Did you just reject all of that out of hand?  You’re not broken.  You are right on track.  My clients, and I, resist moving to a self-affirming place.  Here’s why:

We THINK this behavior means:

  • We’re selfish
  • We’re mediocre
  • We’re not a team player
  • We’re risking our job

All of that is pretty darn frightening.  Better play it safe, and keep sacrificing, right?

If you need some help working through how to affirm your right to health, optimisim and a great personal life, just say the word. You can book a 25 minute session with me and I’ll walk you through your personal, specific issue. It’s free, it’s my jam, and I promise it’ll be useful. Click Here. I can help you – THIS WEEK.

NO!  Because we’re wrong.  When you act in a self-affirming way, you actually demonstrate this:

Belief in your ability to find better solutions – we love to be around people who think there’s a better way and want to try to find it!  We love this.  You’ll love being this person.  Try it.  You won’t always win, but others will want to help you solve things better, and the more you do this, the more value you add at work.   

Stopping when your productivity falls, calling it a night – nothing will help your team more than knowing the right time to call it a night and send people home.  Sometimes, we’re all just waiting for the one person who has the backbone to say uncle.

Professional planning, designing, tracking, and delegating – Once you’ve committed to never sacrificing yourself, you’re going to need to change the way you work.  Don’t wait to figure this out before you stop overdoing it.  You have to stop first, then you’ll be driven to figure it out.  This is counter-intuitive, but it’s the magic key.  When you have to face the consequences of being self-affirming, then you figure out pretty quick how to prioritize, plan, and all the other good stuff.  Be brave! Jump in!

Self-respect, good health, smart breaks – think about a person you know who doesn’t sacrifice their health for their job and still manages to knock it out of the park.   There’s a man I’ve worked with who is like this.  He exercises, he leaves on-time most days, and he’s well respected.  If he can do it, we can do it.

Treating others as competent – this is the most unexpected and beneficial side effect.  When you treat yourself respect, when you don’t overdo it, you have to rely on others to do their jobs.  You stop over-helping and that, allows others to grow too.   In a way, you’re less selfish? What?  Yep. True.

See this little lambkin?  This is us, heading off into the world of work.  We have no idea what’s about to hit us.

Have some compassion for your innocent self, trying to do a great job in a challenging world.  There’s no need to sacrifice yourself, lamb.

And that? Is just good to know.

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Bring Your P.D. to Work

Yeah, not your police department. I’m talking about your personal dreams.
If your answer to that is – “Dream this, lady” – I’ve got the blog for you.

I’m pretty stoked.   We’re jumping ahead today and tackling something in the accelerated column of the plan for this year. 

If you’re not aware, the goal for the blog this year is to get back to basics.  I want to help you move from unhappy, out of control, boxed in, and overworked to happy, engaged, forward-looking, doing right-sized work.   Lofty, huh?

There are levels we have to pass through, and I’ll describe those in later posts.  To help us make this miraculous change, there are four toolsets, each a little more advanced than the one before.  These are short-term relief, awareness, thoughts as objects, and dreams, goals, beliefs.

We’ve been hanging around in the short term relief toolbox for a bit.  You need that relief desperately at the beginning.  Today though, we’re moving to the far end.  Why? Because that’s where we find the excitement and drive to keep us running ahead.  Otherwise, we take that short-term relief, start to feel better, and stop there.  That would be a shame.  The full journey is WAY MORE, WAY BETTER than just ending the pain.  

What is a personal dream?

A personal dream is something you want that carries an excitement with it, maybe a little anxiety, perhaps even fear.  It feels like getting on a brand-new amusement ride.   Get it?

A personal dream is also internally motivated.  We can have the same vision – buy a house – for example, and if it’s externally motivated, it feels completely different.  It feels like we’ve got a monkey on our back, like if we don’t achieve it, then there’s something wrong with us.   If we want that house because of an internal drive, then it feels like – wouldn’t it be amazing if I could get a place of my own? I wonder how I could do it?  If we fail, we feel like we’re okay, all good.  Just tripped there a bit, I’ll try again soon.

Yep, I’m still not great at this. Email me for a high res copy. Amy@RockYourDayJob

What is a personal dream at work?

Buying a house can be a personal dream you bring to work.  It shows up there as several months of steady employment needed for a mortgage, the ability to pay for the house or save for it.  A personal dream of home-ownership can motivate you to strive for a promotion or be assigned to a project that creates opportunities for a bonus.

We can also have personal dreams specifically about work, too.  It can show up as a desire to have a specific job, or work with a group that you admire, or become something you find exciting.  For years, my personal dream is to become an inspiring leader who builds team cohesion and finds terrific opportunities for her staff.

Aligning your PD with your Boss’s goals

Did you all get your goals for the year?  Were they inspiring? Got ‘em tacked next to your phone, do you?

Will this year be different?  Are you going to really work on them and make sure you hit them all, or are you going to follow marching orders, and if you’re lucky, your boss will have actually assigned them to you?

Are they in a ball under your desk already?

Yeah. I thought so.

If you want help tying a PD to a goal, I’m here.

If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure

What your boss wants is an external goal.  External goals often leave us feeling depleted and unmotivated.  To ramp up and actually hit those goals, you have to hitch them to a balloon, something that will get them some lift.  Tie them to your PD.

When I think of getting better at leadership, I get excited, happy.   I think – wouldn’t that be cool?  Wouldn’t I be cool if I was really great at that?  I want to run around and holler for my car keys; I want to get started.  

If I can add that zoom to my boss’s goals, that’s a win for both of us.  For example, if she wants me to figure out a process for getting a new type of application out to our users, well, that’s fine.  But it’s just a job, a task.  She tells me, I try to do it. 

When I ask myself – how can getting this new type of application out to our users help me be a better leader? Now I’m getting somewhere.  Perhaps I think our team could get to code these new applications.   That ties to my desire, my DREAM, of finding terrific opportunities for my staff. Boom.  I’m all on board.  Now this goal, which started out as a task, is part of my dream.  Now, I want to show up at work and get to it.  Now, I want to bring it out and talk about it during meetings with my boss. Now, I’m all in.

What if the goals you get can’t be tied to your personal dream?

Well, I got to tell you, there are very few that you can’t tie to your PD.  When it does happen, though, you want to tell your boss.   Tell him this is a task you’ll absolutely do, but you don’t wish to have more assignments like this.  Let him know where you’re headed, see if he can help you align it with your PD.  You don’t have to drop your PD like a hot potato, and you don’t have to declare defeat.   

And that? Is just good to know.