Month: February 2020

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The Big PP

Are you killing yourself making everyone else happy at work?
Think you need to stand up for yourself? You’re right – kinda.

Nothing will suck the fun out of work faster than trying to please everyone.  I should know, I attempted it for years.  My results? Phbbt.

Ok, this is a long one… I riff on the whiteboard stuff and there’ll be dogs barking at the end. Enjoy!

I’m pretty excited about today’s blog because I took my time whiteboarding out the message I wanted to deliver, and guess what?   I’m going to add it to this blog.  So cool, right?  Now you can get your information exactly as you need it.  You can read the blog, listen to the blogcast, or review the diagram.  Freaky good.  AND BONUS:  I did this to save myself time.

What?  You heard me correctly there, Slick. I was selfishly attempting to figure out how to get two blogs done in the time it takes to do one.  Why? Because you all don’t buy my products because of my blog, and frankly, I have housework to do.  I want to shove my two side hustles into smaller boxes so I can pick up some personal time.   See how self-serving that is?  Does it change how you think about me if I tell you the personal stuff I want to do is exercise, eat right, and just enjoy my damn dogs before they croak?   Ahh, now you don’t think that’s so selfish, do you?  Well, you’re right where I want you. We’re going take a crack at getting you to drop your people-pleasing and start making your own darn self happy.  You so deserve it.

My first attempt – too large to embed.
If you want to get a clearer copy of this, just email me – Amy@RockYourDayJob.Com

The Big PP (People Pleasing)

My own story about trying to please people at work goes like this – I wanted to learn new things, I wanted to help, so I figured out how to support an overnight system.  I was able to take on a rotation and give my teammates a break.  That felt great! Go, team!

Years went by, I became a manager, but I was still supporting things overnight, during the day, all the time.  My boss was new and made a big fuss about how many hours I was working, all the dedication I had.  I felt proud – and tired.  Years went by. The boss left.  I had new bosses, new systems, and I was still up at night, up during the day, working fifteen hours on the weekend to get my inbox cleared out, etc.  

I thought I had a time management problem.  So, during a coaching session with Brooke Castillo, she coached me on my time issue.  I’ll never forget it. First, she asked me why I was doing all that work.  I’ll paraphrase the rest:

“Because I want to do a good job,” I said. 

“Why do you care if you do well?“ She asked.

Insert lots of reasons, questions … and then

“Because I want people at work to think I do a good job,” I said.  I hated to admit that. I like to believe that I don’t care what people think about me, but that day, she coached me through all my thoughts, and that’s what dropped out the bottom. Bummer.

“Yeah,” she said.  “That’s your work.”

Happily, she didn’t leave me with that.  Instead, she went a step further.  She asked me this:

“Do you want to work all those hours?”

“No,” I said.

“Will they be happy if you work twenty-four seven?”

“Maybe,” I said.

“But you don’t want to?” Brooke asked.

“No,” I said.

“So why don’t you tell them, ‘I know you’d like it if I worked twenty-four seven, but I wouldn’t’ ?”

Boom.  That did it for me.  Suddenly, my wants and desires were on equal footing with my employers.  What I wanted – counted.

So here’s what happened next: I never said those words to anyone at work, but I thought them in my mind.  I met with my manager.  I said I was going to try something new.  I was going to try to get some work-life balance.   I didn’t ask for help with it.  I just said, let me know if you see a problem and then, I set about learning how to shove my work back into a standard time block. 

You know what happened?   My evaluations went up. I kid you not.   I slept more, delegated better, took myself off the rotation for overnights, and started learning how to work more proactively.  Why? To please me.  Who benefited? My employer.   

Straight Trippin’, dude.  

High-Five there, woman.

So what about you?  Where are you killing yourself to make someone else happy?  Really – get an example in your mind.

Now ask yourself this – do you actually control how they feel?   Yeah – you saw that coming, didn’t you? I hope so.  If we turn the page upside down, the answer key reads:  NO. 

Not today, not tomorrow, not in a box, not with a fox. 

You can be workin’ your cubicle sittin’ butt off, and you’ll never make anyone happy.  And frankly, you’re not paid to.  You’re paid to deliver results – and believe me, your boss hopes you’ll finish in time to get some sleep, ‘cause you know, lack of sleep causes lower performance at work.

Okay, so let’s tackle the BIG Elephant in the room – SELFISHNESS.

If you want to make yourself happy, then you’re selfish.

RUBBISH. 

That’s the worst bag of malarky ever, and we’ve all picked up our own sack of it as we stood at the cash register of our lives. 

Toss that idea out.  If you want to make yourself happy, then you’re human and maybe even enlightened.

If you want other people to stop being happy, so you can feel good, then you’re selfish. 

Get it?

Uh, uh.  Don’t go to … Well, if I don’t do this burdensome task that will make me stay up all night, then someone else will have to. 

That’s where this always bogs down.

Change that thought to:

Is this burdensome task my responsibility?

If no. Then, game over.  Go home if you want to.   Don’t stay late to make someone else happy if it’s going to make you sick, unhappy, miss dinner with the kids, or cause your dog to need a piddle-pad.

If yes, then ask this instead:  I’m not going to stay up all night to do this burdensome task.  I’m not going to give it to someone else (make sure this is really YOUR task; otherwise, give it back).   So now… how am I going to solve this?

See that?  That right there, refusing to kill yourself to do it?  That’s what drives innovation. That’s how come my reviews went up.   Each time I solved that problem, my life got better, and so did my performance. 

Meanwhile, back to people-pleasing – Your wants, needs, and personal life, your desire to grow is just as important as anyone else’s.  For you? It should be more so.  You worry about you.  Get your own house spiffed up.  You can come back and lend everyone else a hand later – after you’ve walked the dog and had a good night’s sleep.

And that?  Is just good to know.

If you would like a free 25-minute session – click here. It’s free, it’s on zoom, camera on or camera off. It’s my pleasure

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When You Do That Thing You Do

No matter what your jam is, it’s better if you know why you’re there.
Don’t feel like reading? I’ll read it to you.

You know that thing you do that’s, well, just a bit crazy? Yeah, that. Do you have any clue why you do it? If it’s just your weekend hobby, getting right down to the bones of your why might not be so critical unless you’re the person on the skis in this picture. But if you’re putting in forty hours a week doing something, the more ownership you have for your why, the more agency you’ll feel.

Happy Monday Folks. Last week I was awol. If you subscribe to my newsletter, you got your Monday fix, but my blog followers missed out. Thanks for checking back.

Never miss a Monday. Subscribe here – you get the blog, the links to the music and my personal send off for the week. Rock on!

My first job was as a cashier at a grocery store. When things were slow, they’d send the boys out to get the carts. I didn’t get the memo about pushing carts and gender. Here’s the thing, the guys would go out and make a game of bringing in as many carts as they could, the train of silver and rust wheels stretching further and further. At that store, to get the carts by the door, you had to go up a ramp. The parking lot was gently sloped away from the building, so the closer you got to the door with your long line of carts, the more physically challenging it was to both get the carts up the ramp and to turn them and not crash into the windows.

Looking back, it might have been a slightly irresponsible game.

Never-the-less, the manager was a tough, cigar-smoking old fashioned barrel of a man, and he didn’t seem to mind it. Like I said, no memo. So I started going out and bringing in carts. One day, I had a very long line of carts, the most I’d ever stacked. I was headed for the ramp with a nice head of steam. It was late, there were no shoppers coming out, so I went for it. I got the front cart to the top of the ramp. A man stepped out from the shadows and put his foot on the front wheel of the cart. Of course, the whole chain came to a stop.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked. It was the assistant manager. I couldn’t see his face, he was silhouetted against the windows.

He wasn’t a dumb man. He could see I was bringing in carts. So I didn’t offer that explanation. I was nonplussed. I couldn’t think of a thing to say. I didn’t know why he stopped me and he never explained. He removed his foot and went back inside.

I can be a prideful thing. I pushed that chain of carts from a dead stop up the ramp, made the turn and put them all in a neat line by the wall outside the door. I never did know why he stopped me. To this day, I don’t know if it was because I was going too fast, if he thought it was a risk for our customers, if he didn’t like women bringing in carts or if he just didn’t like me.

I do know it took me a week to come up with the word that explained what I was doing, and I needed adult help to come up with it. Competent. I thought I was being competent. I was working at something productive at a time when the other cashiers were standing around. I was performing the work as well or better than the other people who brought in carts, meaning I brought in a lot and I brought them in quickly.

That was a pivotal incident for me. Once I found that word, the incident stopped bothering me. At least I knew what the hell I thought I was doing.

I learned a lot from that. I learned that waiting for someone else to explain why I’m working is folly. Nobody other than myself knows what I’m trying to accomplish at the most personal level by the way I work, the work I choose to do and the manner I choose to do it. Nobody other than myself needs to.

In the end, it didn’t matter at all what the assistant manager thought about my cart pushing skills. He didn’t bother to communicate his perspective to me. I, however, found my perspective and a deep sense of satisfaction at being able to answer his question. I knew exactly what the hell I thought I was doing and that felt great.

Things are a little different now at work. I’ve got a terrific manager and have been lucky to have several of them in the past. They’ve taken time to explain their visions and offer that most valuable of all things – critical feedback. Doing a good job requires more than keeping my station clean and the money in my register correct, but one thing remains the same.

Nobody can tell us what the hell we think we’re doing.

That, my friends, is something we have to answer for ourselves, and my friends, it still requires some thoughtful consideration to come up with the answer. The good news is, when you do, it still feels incredible, powerful and stabilizing.

So why do you do what you do – at work?

To answer the question, let go of the traditional for a moment. Because the assistant manager could see what I was doing when he asked that question of me, he took away that easy answer. I couldn’t say – I’m bringing in carts, what did you think I was doing?

So when you look at why you go to work and what you’re trying to accomplish there, don’t let yourself say – I’m promoting our new product, obviously. Don’t let yourself say – I’m paying my bills, duh. Really put some skin in the game. Your own skin.

What is it you are looking for? What is floating your boat? As a teenage female competing with others for recognition and for promotions, I wanted to be seen as competent. I wanted to demonstrate that there was nothing in that store that I couldn’t do. I wanted to be useful and strong. I was at work to prove that I could be independent, pay my own way and earn my keep.

Once I understood that, it didn’t matter if I was pushing carts, balancing registers or running down the aisles to get a customer just the right toothpaste. I could be competent and I could achieve my objective. I could change jobs and still keep working on being ever more competent. My reason for being at work was independent of my work, my gender, my employer or even my direct manager. My reason belonged to me.

I’m just a weird kid that grew up to be a slightly odd woman. I’m not a rocket scientist or a superstar. My features are symmetrical, so there’s that. But I do know one thing – if I can figure out why I’m working, so can you.

After talking to person after person about what they want out of work, I know that the chances are, you have a strong why. You have a noble calling. You want to be excellent. Or you want to help others. You are full of ideas and you want to share them. Maybe you want to provide for your family. There’s something there we want, separate from the mountain of objectives that we’re all looking at as we head into the breach of 2020, with our corporate marching orders and our electronic dashboards.

Find out why you do what you do. If you’re not sure, take a guess. Carry it around with you for a week or so. You’ll know when you find it because the guys with their foot on your wheel won’t matter anymore. You’ll know what the hell you think you’re doing and it will feel – great.

And that? Is just freakin’ awesome to know.

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The Fight to End Cubical Suffering

If this is how you look when you think about going to work on Monday, you’re not alone.
The good news is, you can answer this question simply, effectively and calm the heck down in one easy step.
No time to read? Just hit play and check out The Fight To End Cubicle Suffering. Do scroll down and read the blue boxes… that info isn’t in the recording.

Cubical suffering is on the rise in Corporate America. Won’t you join in the fight today?

No, I’m not talking about suffering to the third degree here, although I’ve seen this type of misery grow exponentially. What I’m talking about is all my tech friends and analysts, corporate warriors of all types, sitting in a workspace and suffering. That’s what I’m trying to end. I’m not an exercise maven, a motivational guru, or an expert on how to become rich. I can’t tell you how to climb the corporate ladder. What I have, are mad skillz when it comes to happiness. Over the next year, my goal is to show you the path from unhappy, overwhelmed, boxed in and overworked to happy, engaged, forward-looking and workload right-sized.

Interested in working with me? Sign up for a free 25 minute session by clicking here. We meet on zoom, camera on or off. Find out how I can help you move from overwork and chaos to happy and engaged at your day job.

My Story

I didn’t set out to get happy at work. Frankly, when I was in my late twenties and early thirties, my goal was to survive. At that time, my husband and I owned a brick & mortar deli in New Jersey. We sold coffee, cigarettes, lottery tickets, soda, sundries, sandwiches, breakfast, lunch, dinner, fries, onion rings, you name it. If we could cook it in under ten minutes, we sold it. If we could put it in trays and bring it to your event, we catered it. The place was open from five am to eight pm with slightly reduced hours on the weekends – long hours, on our feet. My husband and I each took a ten-hour shift Monday through Friday and one full weekend day – he opened, I closed. He used to fall asleep at stoplights on the way to work. After I got home, I did the books. Incredibly, this lifestyle was an improvement over my prior job. You can find that story – here.

Two events stand out for me from this five-year phase of my life:

First, I remember having a large catering job to prepare for. It was well after midnight. I was alone at the deli. I’d been cooking and prepping for four hours, after working my normal ten-hour shift full of adrenaline rushes and physical labor. I could hear the owners of the Italian restaurant next door closing up. I still had trays to finish and clean up to do, money to count and a bank deposit to make. I needed to be back at the shop by ten am. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I laid down on the cold tile behind the counter and began to cry. I hosted a big, ugly, pity party for myself. Slowly, a thought entered my mind. Nobody was coming to help me. The work still needed to be done; we’d already been paid. I stood up, washed my face and feeling eerily calm, finished my work.

What’s the link here? Sometimes, our own thoughts are making our work more difficult.

The second thing I remember from that time is standing in our tiny living room on my day off, looking out the window, holding a phone to my ear. I still had a phone with a cord, so I couldn’t walk around. My father was on the line and we were discussing business. I remember saying to him “Dad, you know what scares me? I’m not afraid I won’t be able to do it all. What really scares me is that I might be able to more.”

What’s the link here? Sometimes what we have to fear, is our own endurance.

Flash forward fifteen years or so. I was working in Corporate America as an IT manager, driving my twelve-mile commute to a job that normally was less than sixty hours a week. I was only called out of bed for overnight failures about once a month, but recently it had been several times a week. It was a sunny day, cold, winter, clear driving. I hadn’t slept the night before, or many nights, because my mind kept me up worrying about my job. I was exhausted and miserable.

I knew that this job was far better than what I’d experienced before. So why was I so unhappy?

I asked myself a question that had a profound impact on me.

Why did I take this job in the first place?

That question was the first step in an upward spiral for me.

I can remember the exact road I was on when I started answering myself. I know what house I was passing. I know what I told myself.

“I took this job because – it has great benefits.” Owning your own business is like playing roulette with your health insurance. I used to have to choose between being able to take my son to the doctor and catastrophic coverage. It was one or the other; we couldn’t afford both.

“I took this job because it is twelve miles from my home.” We used to drive forty minutes to our deli to start our shifts.

“I took this job because of the tuition reimbursement.” It allowed me to finish my college studies and get my degree.

“I took this job because this company has unlimited opportunities.” I work in insurance, which hosts a plethora of options for interesting, meaningful work.

“I took this job because this company truly believes in stakeholder ethics.” Being a great corporate citizen was something I could only dream of as a small business owner.

“I took this job because I get to work with other people, I’m not trying to do this all by myself.” If I can’t keep going, it doesn’t mean my family, my home and everything we own will dissolve.

I remembered the day I was offered my first job at this company. My family could not believe my good fortune. What a great opportunity. I remembered the day I was offered the position as a manager. I loved the team I was on, I loved the work we did and the people we did it for. It meant something to me. It was important.

Driving into work that cold, clear day, I remembered exactly why I had this job.

All those reasons still applied. I was grateful for my job. I still thought the work was meaningful. I wasn’t happy yet, but I was on my way.

And that? Is a path you can take too.

What’s the link here? Remember your why. Everything starts with why.