When we understand our own intrinsic value – we start the journey of bringing ourselves to work.
OK, so today, I’m posting – in its entirety – something I wrote a couple of years ago. I stumbled across it today. My stepfather is now in a nursing home, but on the day I wrote this, he was still at home with my Mom in Florida, and some days, he still could watch a movie and follow the plot. Here goes nothin’.
Do you matter?
Have you ever wondered if you matter? Do you question if you deserve the love of your family or the blessings in your life? No? Then move along, come back next week for a different topic.
Sometimes I question my value. Sometimes I want to know how I can matter when I’m just a woman from New Jersey who happens to love dogs. I’m so banal, I’m practically a cartoon. The most interesting thing about me is this drill-sergeant of a muse that I have, and frankly, he’s imaginary.
People have intrinsic value
That’s true, isn’t it? I mean, you’ve heard that before right? And you probably believe it to some extent. To some degree, we accept that humans have value that is not tied to anything we do, say, earn, make, give, or own. That we matter, our lives matter, simply because we are human.
I have, of course, heard of the concept…it comes around when I’m thinking spiritually. I agree without a second thought with the idea that all people deserve love, a shot at redemption or the benefit of compassion. When I’m faced with need, the idea of intrinsic value is clear and easy. I agree that a child I have never met, who is living without food or medical care deserves to receive care and support, simply because the child is a child. He doesn’t have to promise to grow up and be a Doctor in order to deserve food.
It gets messy when you bring it inside
But the idea of intrinsic value gets a little squishy when we try to apply it to ourselves. Am I valuable just because I’m breathing? And if so, how valuable am I? Sometimes it’s hard to understand just in what way I might matter. I can see how you matter…but how can I see that same thing about myself?
Think about it. How do you know you have value that is not tied to your job, your actions or your possessions? Asked another way, gulp, why does anyone love you? Why should you love yourself?
These are questions I never hoped to find an answer to beyond a lame because God or Buddha or the Universe said so. But I stumbled over an insight while picking a movie for my aging stepdad.
You Just Do
My stepfather has dementia. It’s coming on slowly and he still has good days but more often now, he’s confused. Just a bit or a lot. It varies. For some people, he’s a challenge – he’s stubborn and tends to hide in books. He doesn’t like anyone to help him on a project. He won’t eat onions or chicken on a bone and he’s positively violent about mushrooms. I love him though.
Yesterday, I helped him pick out a movie to watch on Netflix, settled him in a chair and went to take a shower. When I stepped back into the room to check on him, he greeted me with a huge grin.
“Hey!” He said gesturing grandly toward the TV. “You really know how to pick a movie. This is exactly the kind of movie I like!” He was quite obviously thrilled with the movie, with me, with his lot in life at that moment… the whole ball of wax. A jolt of happiness belted me so hard, I had to step away, throw back my head and literally wrap my arms around myself to hold myself together. It was wild.
What the heck?
I was astounded by the ferocity of my love for him and the sheer joy of seeing him, enjoying himself so completely. He’s an aging man, who sometimes doesn’t know how many floors the house has (one), can’t walk more than 50 feet on a good day, and refuses to stay in bed at night. He’ll never take me hiking again. He’ll never offer great advice again. He probably won’t know who I am soon. But he is so valuable IN HIS CURRENT STATE that just his joy is enough to floor me with gratitude.
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