“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”
― Joseph Campbell
Joseph Campbell wrecked my life.
Nah, not really. But he did mess with my mind. For years, the idea that I should be following my bliss provided me with a certain feeling of discouragement. What did it mean? Was it the same as purpose? If I didn’t have one, did that negate the meaning of what I actually was doing?
What is our bliss? I’m pretty sure Mr. Campbell didn’t mean we should strive to eat donuts and drink whiskey – and certainly not at the same time. All the while I was asking this question of myself, I was studiously ignoring his other point:
“Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.”
― Joseph Campbell
Whaaa? I’m the answer? This is going to get messy.
I thought a purpose was something people living the best lives had. I thought I should have one too. I tried some on – was my purpose to help other people? To … I dunno… create some big wonderful thing? Keep learning? Bake better cookies? Be a wife/daughter/mother/employee? Good grief. None of that sounded right.
I’d rather go look for meaning somewhere the heck else – like over there perhaps.
My life was, and is, banal at its core. I want to be safe. I want to spend time with loved ones. I want to share stuff and have a bit of fun, have a dog around and some music. I fritter entire days away reading genre fiction. My purpose? Maybe I just wasn’t one of the lucky ones who had a bliss to follow. I gave up. Besides, I had other problems – I was miserable at work. So, I set out to solve that puzzle instead. My search to be happy at work finally taught me how a person and a purpose come together.
Frustrated and unhappy, I decided to take the radical step to find one thing I enjoyed doing within my job – turned out it was being part of our team. I loved our team. I thought we were the best thing since ice cream. Once I found that one thing, I looked for ways to do more of it – how could I help the team? What did the team need? I told myself my work was fundamentally to focus on the well being of the team.
I decided I needed to understand what I was good at so I could use my strengths, if I had any, to help the team. I figured out how to figure out what I was good at, and then I started to do more of that.
Here’s what happened: I started to feel much, much better.
Thrilled with the results of my little lab experiment, I began trying to help other members of our team find, and focus on, their strengths too. Because, heck, I was getting good at it, and by the way, the research bears out the idea that this is a viable approach to productivity at work – which – is the name of the game in business.
Slowly, I began to view everything at work through the lens of team, strengths, happiness, and productivity. Life got way better.
I began to notice that work was better than my personal life. Huh. So I toddled off to investigate that. Here’s what I found – fear.
Fear that I would lose this job I now loved again. Fear that I would not be able to contribute meaningfully to our family if I lost my job. Fear that it would all go away.
Why was nothing just EASY?
“Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends.”
― Joseph Campbell, Creative Mythology
To solve this problem, I became obsessed with finance. If I was debt free, surely losing my job would be no problem. I paid everything off. – Nope, still full of fear. If I had a certain amount of money in the bank – surely then I’d feel safe? – Did it. Still frightened as a child. What if I cut all our expenses and a professional with lots of creds confirmed that, if everything went to hell in a handbasket, I- armed with a job at the local grocery check out – could single-handedly hold the whole family up? Then surely, I’d feel safe.
Check. And no. Money didn’t cancel out fear.
“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.”
― Joseph Campbell
Thanks, Joe. So, with a bit of exasperation, I chucked everything in my life except my day job, one volunteer gig and the people I loved – and started over. I listed out everything I’d have to do to finally be free of fear and feel safe. I started with the first item on the list. Physical health.
In my search to find health, I stumbled into a life coach. She said she’d help me lose weight by managing my mind. OK? That was new. I studied hard. I did everything she said to do. I pulled apart my thoughts, dissected my feelings and actions. I found at the heart of it all – I always felt – unworthy.
OH GAK. Not that Self – Esteem Shite Again. Really?
I kept working at it …and then… miracles. I started to understand that I’m amazing. I’m a mess – and – I’m amazing. Like a sleeping animal, waking and blinking in the light of the morning, I crawled out of my fear and stood, dazzled in the light of a new a day. All around me were other people with the same story – a story of – I’m a mess and I’m amazing. They weren’t saying it. They were living it – taking chances, trying things, laughing at their mistakes and full of sick-to-your-stomach, get-out-of-your-box daring. And Joy. And Compassion. So much compassion, for themselves and others.
That became my purpose. To model self-compassion and acceptance so that others can see what it looks like – in everything I do, I want to help myself and others find our strengths and see our own value. Here’s the beauty – I can do that at work, at home, alone or in a crowd. Turns out, purpose isn’t a static thing you find once and be done with. It doesn’t have to be grand, it doesn’t have to change the world. Purpose is a lens you create for yourself, through which you bring meaning to what you do.
Do I still have fear? Sure thing. Do I still want my job? You bet. Do I hit my purpose every day? Not by a long shot.
So, how do you craft your purpose?
You stop looking for one and start living.
Namaste, you messy, amazing people. Namaste.
This post is dedicated to my brave clients, all of whom are out there trying, failing, living it up. If this post resonates with you – sign up for a free 25-minute session Here: https://rockyourdayjob.as.me/free
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