Look, You Aren’t Stupid.
You know you have to change your actions in order to get different results, but why, oh why, is it so hard to do?
I know! Especially when you’re trying to change the actions you take in situations that repeat. Those are the worst. I sit at my desk and boom! An hour’s gone by. I’ve answered a ton of emails but I still don’t have my project done. Bummer huh?
Changing our actions, especially context driven actions, is really hard.
Most of us just vow to take new actions.
How’s that been working for you?
Me neither.
But, if we take a moment to reflect on the results we’re getting and the thinking that is leading us there, we can start to tie results to thoughts. We can start to change our thoughts, which will create new feelings and new results.
Here’s one of mine.
I used to think “I don’t even have a minute between meetings for a bio-break.” And that seemed to be true. I felt rushed and mistreated when I thought that. And I would go from meeting to meeting, uncomfortable and, let’s admit it… a bit of victim about the whole thing.
OK… now that you’ve stopped laughing at me… let’s move on.
It’s funny, right? Because it’s clearly ridiculous. But that’s not the way it felt to me at the time. I felt bad. I was considering just not drinking any water all day. I couldn’t see another way out because I really believed that I didn’t have a single minute to spare. Worse yet, my results were proving that my thoughts were correct.
Hold the Circus Wagon, Spunky.
Then I said those words in a coaching session. Because my coach cares about my well being but doesn’t particularly believe everything I say and she isn’t being paid to sympathize with me, she asked me “Is that true?”
Um. Yeah?
Seems obvious, but to get to the point where she could ask me that, we had to know what I was thinking. And that is what a coach is for. If you would like to have a coach show you what you’re thinking … you can sign up for a free 25-minute session with me here. Click here. My goal here is to help other people the way my coach helped me. True dat.
She didn’t buy it. “What would you tell a team member with that problem?”
Huh. “I would never condone that kind of self punishment. I’d tell them, you take a break when you need a break. Everybody else is.”
Whoa. Wait a minute. So everybody else has time for a break. So, I must have time for a break?
I started to look at my thinking, feelings, actions and results from a more objective perspective. And, I started to believe that the results I was getting were unacceptable.
That was the turning point for me. I would never condone any human being enduring the results I was getting, so … I’m a human … and … therefore… I don’t condone those results for me.
Suddenly I had tied my outcome to a value (people shouldn’t be treated like that.) Then I changed my thinking.
So my thought became – Hey, my biological needs come first. That includes sleep, hydration, fresh air, sunlight, movement, and food. (You need those things, Dudettes – just in case you’re not sure.) When I think like that- I feel empowered and committed – to my own well being. And so I take action. I take care of myself.
Here’s the magic… when I started doing that, always taking care of myself – I did wind up being late. I started suffering the consequences of fitting in my basic needs.
I had new, much better problems. I was hydrated, well rested and felt comfortable – but I was a few minutes late to meetings.
So then my new thought was… how can I take care of myself and be on time? Do you see the beauty of that?
If I’m late and I don’t like the way that feels, I start to make it more important to end meetings early. But I don’t apologize for taking care of myself. And I don’t go back to believing I don’t have time for a pit-stop.
And that? Changes everything.
Next week – What is it like to work with a life coach?