but you don’t have to leave it there.
Last week, I stated that our thoughts cause our feelings, and that’s true. However, there’s a whole category of feelings that arise before we even have a thought.
Disclaimer: There are a lot of areas of the brain engaged in collecting sensory inputs and shuffling them around in there. If you want to know the names of all of them, and how they all fit together, rock on. Just know you won’t find it in this blog.
Data is being smuggled into our brains twenty-four seven.
For our purposes, it’s enough to know that our brain is actively collecting information about the world around us and that information is not being brought in through the main command and control center.
This information cargo includes facial expressions, sounds, smells, tastes, physical feelings – basically everything your senses can detect. All that data is then compared to memories of emotionally charged events and, without your permission, elaborate defense systems are engaged, based on the level of the threat. When this happens, all we know is that we’re suddenly frightened, or angry, or stunned.
It’s like the military staged a coup in our head
It kinda did. No amount of thought work is going to prevent those protective systems from engaging – initially. But here’s the brilliant part –we can get very, very good at interrupting the process.
Here’s the deal. Once that defense system engages, a lot of stuff happens super fast. Our heart rate picks up, our digestive processes stop and our higher thought centers come offline – just for a hot second.
Think about it, when a bus is barreling down on you, standing around wondering – “Is that the airport shuttle? Will it to turn left just before it gets to me?” is a sub-optimal plan.
So the defense center shuts down your internal re-run of Frasier and sends you jumping back to the curb like your ass was on fire. Good deal – if there’s a bus coming.
Sadly, when we’re in a meeting and a micro-expression of fear flashes on the face of the guy next to us, our inner General MacArthur might decide to assume control of the bridge. What comes out of our mouth next, might not what we hoped for. Welcome to the human race.
Normally, when the defense system kicks in, we just go with it. We get upset, we fight back, verbally or physically, or we turn away, either by running or by withdrawing from the social setting. That can mean tuning out the rest of the meeting or obsessing about all the negative things that could come from the situation. This type of engagement keeps the defense system on high, keeps the hormones flowing and can create chronic stress and all its negative health implications.
The name of the game is “Stand Down, ASAP.”
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The first alert system might not be under your control, but all the rest – absolutely is.
Tuning into the physical feeling of your amygdala firing can give you an edge. Get curious about your reactions.
When strong feelings arise spontaneously, like anger or agitation or simply a big fat impulse to run your mouth, stop and take a moment to notice how you feel -emotionally and physically. All this defense is being driven by hormones and we can notice how they feel in our bodies. And if you’re driving a big
The next step is to train yourself to pause when you feel this, verbally identify the event and then wait for the hormones to dissipate. I’m such a nerd about this, that I actually say “I’m having an amygdala hijacking, just give me a moment.” And yes, that gets me some odd looks.
If you react by engaging with the emotions – yelling, running, arguing, asserting a brilliant defense of your rights – the hormone pump will keep running. If you wait patiently, the defense system will stand down, your amygdala hijacking will end and you can continue making logical decisions about how you want to respond to the world around you.
And that?
Can have a huge impact on your health and your relationships.
Next Week: Why your boss should be buying you a mattress.